Grey stones, concrete grounds, blowing wind. What happened, Kanya? Why did you leave me like that?Dahan-dahan kong pinasada ang likod ng kamay ko sa mga mata kong hilam sa luha habang nakatitig sa pangalan niyang nakaukit sa bato. A year had past and it still hurts. Five days ago, it was me visiting Halter.Now, it's me visiting you, Kanya.Bakit? Bakit lahat na lang yata ng sakit ay sinalo ko na? All the possible emotional torture, inako ko na? Bakit kapag hindi pa natatapos ang isa, may dadagdag na naman? Bakit ba ayaw niyong maubos na lang?Hindi ko ba deserve maging masaya? Bakit nagsunod-sunod? Bakit kailangan sa akin mangyari lahat ng 'to? Ba't parang sa akin lang?"I miss you. You were the only sunshine in that dream I had last night. You just... you never fail to make me remember that this is your day, girl. I love you."Noong unang mga linggo na mamatay siya, I was frequently with her in my dreams. She never really left me, even after she died. She accompanied her up to the
Looking back at how I pathetically felt the hope earlier breaks my heart. Pati sarili ko, I couldn't take reign fully. I don't want to feel pathetic, nor the hopes building up inside me again.Kinapa-kapa ko ang paligid ko sa kama only to catch a glimpse of the bedside table where my bag rests gently, its strings falling off the sides. Inabot ko iyon at dinukot ang cellphone ko sa loob niyon.I tried reaching Saskia's but she's prolly too busy with her boyfriend. I called Riel next who, in just like about 5 seconds, already answered his phone with a yawn."What's up and why disturb my sleep?"Namilog ang bibig ko nang bahagya dahil halata ngang galing pa siya sa pagkakatulog. I immediately felt the regret of having to call him just because I'm feeling lonely."Oh... sorry to disturb you. I'll call you back—""No. Ikaw pala, Aisha." mabilis niyang bawi. "It's okay. What's up?""Uhm. Okay naman ako. Just wanted someone to talk to. Pero you can go back to sleep na. I'm sorry for disturbi
Nag-iwas ako ng tingin, not knowing what to do. I don't want to assume. I can't assume."M-May pupuntahan lang k-kami saglit. C-Creed." nakayuko kong turan sa kaniya. Humigpit ang hawak ko sa likurang hem ng suot na shirt ni Riel. Pinagpapawisan na nga yata ang mga palad ko sa hindi ko maintindihang dahilan."Sure. Don't ever expect me to cook for you ever again, then." seryoso niyang saad. He shoved us with his hand. "Go on."Nagulat qko nang tapikin ni Riel ang kamay ni Creed. "Stop shoving us. Aalis kami kung kailan namin gustong umalis. And it seems to me na hindi ka niya sinabihang paglutuan mo siya to threaten her with that."Nakita kong tumaas ang kilay ni Creed. "Hindi nga. But it is my duty as her boyfriend.""Uh, yeah? We're talking about duties now? I do believe you haven't been fulfilling them lately because you were too busy doing it to somebody else, didn't you?"Riel..." tawagko sa pangalan niya para pigilan siya.Creed just tsked and turned hia back from us, entering o
Wala pa si Creed sa loob kaya napalingon ako kila Saskia. Nagsasalita siya pero hindi ko marinig. Riel also spoke a little before Creed rode the driver's as well.Nang tumapat sa bahay namin ang sasakyan, nagtaka ako nang biglang sumipol si Creed. Agad tuloy akong napabaling sa kaniya. May tinititigan siya sa malayo so I traced his sight and saw a small car parked at the other side of the road.Mabilis siyang lumabas ng sasakyan at tinungo ang sasakyang iyon. From that car came out the woman he was with before. Iyong pinahiram ng damit ko dati. She was wearing a super fit bodycon dress with beads thatsparkle even in the dark.Dahan-dahan akong lumabas ng sasakya , balak na lang sanang pumasok sa bahay namin. Hindi ko yata kakayaning masaksihan pa ang tagpo nilang dalawa.Creed is cheating on me... right in front of my eyes. And I hate myself more for feeling pathetic like a trapped being with no means of way out. Ang sakit-sakit na pero ito pa din
I don't know how long I was seating there. Ang bango-bango ng nilagay kong bath bomb, and it eases my pain for a bit. Sana... pwedeng permanenteng tanggalin na lang lahat ng sakit na nararamdaman ko ngayon. I want to calm this heavy heart weighing me to the very bottom of whatever depth it is at.I sat still on my bed as I take some more moment reflecting things in my life. I just don't understand why these things happens to me. I especially do not remember doing anything that could result to this heavy karma. Or did I?Tuluyan na akong nahiga sa kama, closing my bed side lamp as my last move. Pero kahit ano mang ikot ko sa kama, hindi talaga ako makatulog.At last, I finallygave up trying to battle with my insomnia. Tumayo ako mula sa kama ko at naisipang lumabas muna sa terrace upang damdamin ang lamig ng simoy ng hangin.It feels right to have a hot cup of coffee as I feel the night's coldness, but that would make me stay up more than to actual
Nagtaas siya ng tingin sa akin mula sa cellphone niya. Naka-crossed legs siya at ang ikli-ikli ng suot na palda.She scrunched her nose nangmas lalo pa akong lumapit. "Oh my gosh, girl! Lumayo ka nga, amoy kusina ka!"I switched my weight to the other side at nameywang. "Malamang, nagluto ako ng hapunan. Ano nga'ng ginagawa mo dito?""Dadalhin ko kung sinong gusto kong dalhin dito." came a voice from the staircase, Agad akong napalingon at natagpuan si Creed na nakapamulsang pababa ng hagdan."B-Bakit mo kasama ang kapatid ko, Creed?" malumanay kong tanong.Athen stood up from the couch, her chest parallel to my navel. Balak niyq yatang magyabang, not realizing our height difference. Binaba ko ang tingin ko sa mukha niya. Ang ganda-handa niya pero gano'n naman ang kinapangit ng ugqli.Nameywang siya, still not fazed. "Bakit? Bawal?""Wala akong sinasabing bawal, pero sa ganitong oras ng gabi, himala naman yatang 'di pa n
Maybe... Maybe it really is just better to give up on him now. He clearly doesn't want me anymore. It has been clear for months now.But why does it hurt so much, knowing that it is my sister replacing my place in his heart?I want him to be mine forever. I want us to be us forever. But now... it is just a far-fetch idea. A thought of pure desperation, so surreal. A dream I could no longer reach. A belief no longer accurate.Hindi ko namalayang nabitawan ko ang dala kong album, kasabay ng pagbagsak nb mga luha ko. Natigilan silang dalawa sa presensya ko.Hanggang ngayon, kinu-kuwestiyon ko pa din ang sarili ko. Saan ba ako nagkulang? Nagkamali? May nagawa ba ako para mangyari sa amin 'to? Sa akinAno ba kasi 'yon? Baka puwede pa namang itama? Pwede pa ba? Gustong-gusto ko na din kasi sumuko."A-Alam kong obvious naman ang sagot dito sa itatanong ko pero... ayaw mo na ba talaga? Magkatapatan tayo ngayon kasi pagod na pagod na akong mah
"What's wrong with him?" bulong ko sa pagtataka.I proceeded to dial Saskia. Ano ba naman kaya ang nangyayari doon kay Riel?Pero naka-ilang ring na at hindi din sumasagot si Saskia. Naguguluhan na ako. Base sa boses ni Riel, he seemed worried and in a hurry.Napabuntong-hininga ako. Bukas ko na nga lang 'yan iintindihin. Gusto kona rin namannang matulog dahil anong oras na rin.I took a quick half bath and readied my pajamas. Habang binu-butones ko isa-isa ang top ng pj ko, I can't help but think of my friends. Mag nangyari kayang hinfi maganda?***"Kuya Creed, ano ba!"Bungad nabungad ang pagtitili ni Athena habang pababa ako ng hagdan. Maagas sana akong aalis, kaya lang ay nahihirapan akong mamili ng maayos na susuotin. I don't want to turn out overdressed, atmas ayaw kong magmukha namang walang taste.Before sleeping last night, nakapag-desisyon na akong puntahan ang either isa sa kanila to know what's goin