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47. Cillian
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A Damaged Alpha 48. Matilda
All day I’ve hidden in the bookcase-lined study. Hours of seeing nothing but emerald green fabrics and dark mahogany wood. I knew at any moment Cillian could rush in here, busy with funeral arrangements so I made a little den for myself. Curled up in a ball in the far corner of the room, where the meeting table wraps around at an angle. I know it would offer little protection. After a few hours in here, my scent would be obvious to anyone walking in, but I don’t want to let him down. Being able to cry everything out onto his chest was the greatest relief. He let me grieve without judgement. Knowing I won’t be able to honour Papa with a funeral pyre, I mourned him all the way home. He was the most perfect father. To all of us. We knew every single day we were his pride and joy. Some in Cragstone laughed at him for having so many daughters, but he would always reply we were more useful to the pack than any man. On the last leg of the journey, when I swapped seats with Zena, I held
A Damaged Alpha 49. Cillian
I think it’s going to work. By the end of a long, tiring day everything was in place. We had confirmation Luna Helena and Alpha Alexander were attending. Luna Freya and Alpha Phillipe, the name like a curse upon my tongue, had also confirmed. Three of them were devastated, obviously. Sadly, the Ceremony massacre actually helped us in selling the lie. Over the past few months the nation had become used to the prospect of murder. Slit throats, assassins with syringes of wolfsbane, our new reality. Any other day I would have been ready to collapse on my bed. But I have Matilda now. The thought made my heart race and Vez antsy, to know she was merely a few feet away in the study. When I walked in bearing snacks and drinks, I had intended to just catch up with her. She was grieving, sad and thoughtful when I left her. The woman waiting for me in that study was a pure vixen. My footsteps woke her but the instant she saw me her eyes shimmered. Need, desire and love all swirled in those
A Damaged Alpha 50. Matilda
Cillian didn’t leave until well after midnight. I knew he wasn’t going to bed. He would be spending some of the night in the attic with Zena tending to Gen and Nikolai. Leona and Naomi had been sent back home. I was grateful when I realised I'd never live at home again. Without my father there, it is going to take a long time to even want to set foot in there. A lot of pressure was on Leona and Naomi them to keep the story straight. Especially seeing as they had to admit they were sent there to protect the pair. So essentially, they were having to confess they had failed in their task. That would include eventual questioning by White Forest if it got that far. To the general population, they were sent to protect Genevieve and her mate and had failed. I was desperate to know how they were doing, but there was no way I could even write a note. The risk was too great. If Beta Patrick and his cronies were brave enough to tap up high-ranking Beta’s like Zeke for potential betrayal,
A Damaged Alpha 51. Cillian
Heading another Pyre was a sinkhole of guilt. Performing it for my parents had been traumatic enough, everything collapsing around me. This time, I felt like a circus juggler on stage. Especially with Phillipe’s beady eyes fixed on me.“That was a beautiful ceremony,” he offered flatly, leaving a crying Freya to approach me. The wiry, sour-faced Beta Patrick joined us, all of us dressed in black. “You have done your sister proud.”“And Alpha Prince Nikolai too,” I added firmly.“Well let us hope that now he is dead the random acts of violence across our nation will stop too,” Beta Patrick added stiffly. I noticed his bright green eyes flashed with silver shards. I wondered if that was a sign of a newly-gained wolf he was struggling to control. He managed not to lose his shit when Nikolai called him a pipsqueak and pushed past him, so why was he emotional now? /I wonder if Freya knows his iris, maybe we are becoming paranoid/ Vex warned.“Have you given any further thoughts to my sug
A Damaged Alpha 52. Cillian
Paranoid of being followed,during the night, straight after Nikolai woke. Driving that same battered old grey truck. I cannot decide is a good or bad omen for me. I hated leaving Matilda, in fact it almost broke my heart but she insisted. The sooner the truth came out the better now they were both recovering.I saw her eyes glistening with tears just as I shut that damned study door. I wish more than anything I had presented her as my Luna to Cragstone already. As soon as Gen and Nikolai are safely restored and we have a plan of action against Rising Star, all can be revealed.She insists she is fine but it must be lonely for her. She is only metres from her mothers house, all her sisters grieving without her. I don’t want her to live like this for much longer. She isn’t made to be shut away. I want the rest of Shadowlands to benefit from the kindness that radiates from her./You’re getting sappier by the day/ Vez said, but his tone was not mocking. I know now who I am at least. I’ll
A Damaged Alpha 53. Cillian
Beta’s Maddox and Adrian led me away, leaving a quietly distraught Helena and Alexander with the letter. Deposited in a library with huge vaulted stone ceilings, candelabras, and endless lines of bookshelves containing detailed historical records. Rise and fall is inevitable. I know in my bones Shadowlands is too young a pack to be cut down now. We will prosper. Finding out how Phillipe is protecting himself from harm is a big one. There is always the danger that killing Ruth would still leave him as Alpha, wielding power. “Mind if I read while I wait?”“No problem. It’s only the public record, anyway,” Beta Adrian replied, taking a seat by the door. Maddox kept his thick, tattooed arms folded. He wasn’t taking his eyes off me for a second.Random curiosity made me grab the books covering years when my father was a Beta here. He was head of the Beta Warriors and fought against the now defunct Five Lakes pack two decades ago. I read for hours about the lead-up to the attack, culmina
A Damaged Alpha 54. Matilda
I’ve never experienced such a swing of emotions. When Cillian is here everything is joy. Even though war is coming and the preparations are clear to see across the town centre if he is in my eyeline I am the happiest woman on earth.Groups of men are being organised into battalions, put through drills and formations. I watched as the first batches were taken almost within an hour of us first arriving back alongside the pyre. Alongside the still smoking heap of collapsed wood men were completing their circuits. Group after group of exhausted, sweating semi-naked men tumbled into the square, all timed with a stopwatch by a stone-faced Zeke and his clipboard.Losing Franz has broken him inside. He’s hurting with nowhere to let it out. When I was fixing him up back at Tange’s he confessed to me how much he hated Zena.“She just walked out, for the exact amount of time it took to kill Franz? I don’t buy it,” he had scoffed. “Just left him there!”At the time I didn’t know what to say. I d
A Damaged Alpha 55. Matilda
He resembled his father so strongly. Dark coffee brown eyes with flashes of ruby and jet black curls down to his jawline. Clenched tightly he looked ready to cause some damage if I didn’t stop gaping with an open mouth and answer him quickly.“Gen came to chat to me, I asked if we could swap rooms, have a change of scenery,” I lied, as Gen had blushingly begged me to. She wanted to surprise Nikolai with the reason why he was moving rooms. I wasn’t going to start asking too many questions about their sex life. I knew the power of the mate bond, the way one’s wolf keens and yearns for the other's touch. /Locked in a room, unable to make a sound together, you’d have climbed onto the roof and made for the trees with Cillian/ Nina mocked. I always considered myself fairly shy and boring but I have become alarmingly addicted to what Cillian can do to me. I am no different to Gen in craving my soul’s partner.“Swapping rooms? Is she insane? Is this a trick, are you in danger?” his voice dr
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