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56. Nikolai
AlleWell...it's time for Part 2! Cillian's story will cover the same timeline as Genevieve and Nikolai, showing his own struggle and beyond. Don't worry we will revisit the recovering couple as they hide away in safety. Thank you so much for reading this far and I hope you enjoy Part 2!
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A Damaged Alpha 1. Matilda
I've loved him forever. Like, literally forever. I’ll curl up into an armadillo ball and roll away to a brand new life before I ever tell him though. He’s my best friend, the future Alpha. He’s perfect. I’m…me. Laying in bed at night I am easily able to conjure up his features. Our house is only a few doors away from the packhouse. It is a good thing I cannot see his bedroom window from here else I would have spent the past weeks as an insomniac. I already lose myself enough times during the day, imagining that one day he would realise I am right there, waiting, ready. Except he has a fated mate out there. Someone born to be a Luna. I kid myself that it could be me but why would it? I’m just one of hundreds of Beta daughters in the Shadowlands alone. No rank or distinction has landed on my head. I have no visions, healing ability, or special wisdom to offer our people. Even in my own family I'm just one of five daughters who all kind of look the same. /You will always be special t
A Damaged Alpha 2. Cillian
I wake up on a cold wood-planked floor. Except this isn’t Cragstone. This floor stinks of piss, sawdust, and beer. I try to groan except my throat is agony. I reach my hand up, brushing crusts of dried blood. My white shirt is grimy and stained. Squinting into the bright sun forcing itself through a small square window it appears I am in a dank cupboard or pantry. What the hell happened to me last night? I can’t even guess how long I’ve been asleep. Since finding my parents dead in their room it’s been chaos. Torturous fragments of the evening run through my mind as I stay down on the ground. Like the worst case of flu I barely have the energy to blink let alone hoist myself from the floor and continue the hunt. The fragments of memory always circle around to Gen’s scream. The howl of agony erupting from her broke me, replaying itself endlessly. The White Forest Guards had found a syringe and nothing else. Not even a fucking footprint. Fuelled by rage I had tried to follow a scen
A Damaged Alpha 3. Cillian
I didn’t react to her. It’s the Alpha thing. You have a wolf as old and powerful and Vez and shifters are drawn to you. Zeke and Franz have to use their well-honed flirting skills with their Beta wolves. Still great guys, but I have women flirt and hit on me whether I like it or not. That ball at White Forest for example. It was a fucking jungle of wandering hands but it got them nowhere. Now my mind turns over the idea that all those low cut dresses and winning smiles were a purposeful distraction. It certainly allowed Nikolai to slip out with Gen whilst I was stuck dodging one fiesty brunette. Frank and Zeke laugh at my lack of action. I blame Matilda. Something changed when we got our wolves. Pre-teen everything was just school, games and teasing. If anything I avoided hanging out with the Kharkov girls, leaving Gen to explore the world around Cragstone with Frank and Zeke. Of course, puberty hits and suddenly it’s a lot more fun to hang out around girls. The shallow river,
A Damaged Alpha 4. Matilda
I decided to make myself useful in this time of crisis. I got offered a role in the back kitchen, helping to feed all the guests who had arrived for the burning. Being cloistered away in the clamour of the kitchen meant I never heard Cillian return. According to Leona, it was barely two hours before all the guests. Jackson had to instruct him on what to do whilst he got himself showered and dressed. The packhouse was heaving with Beta’s from every area of the Shadowlands wanting to pay their respects. Instead of talking to anyone, he just went straight upstairs. Showered and changed, doing exactly as everyone expected. Like a robot, apparently. Everything went to plan. He lit the pyre and said farewell to his parents in the most respectful fashion. The main gossip was about poor Genevieve. We heard her stern-faced mate didn't even hold her hand during the Pyre. We all felt so sorry for her. The room of female servers and chefs was split between slapping the surly Alpha Nikolai or be
A Damaged Alpha 5. Matilda
Unsteadily I let go of the messy marble worktop. Quickly wiping my hands on my apron I looked up at the man leaning against the counter next to me. We hung out all the time, this shouldn’t feel any different. Except it does. Electricity, crackling desperate heat is escaping from me despite trying to act casual. I try to tell myself he is just the same as Franz and Zeke, just another close friend. I can feel another blush rising as I realise my shining eyes will be giving away how much I have missed him. His are the same steady blue. No change, not a single yellow shard. He is all seriousness as he towers over me. His shoulders are twice the width of mine. He measured and proved it for fun last year when he started getting serious about Warrior training. /Think saner thoughts/ Nina warned as the memory of him trailing the tape measure along my arms and shoulders threatened to make my eyes shine even brighter with slivers of yellow. The same as Cillian, both our eyes flash with gold wh
A Damaged Alpha 6. Cillian
If Jackson hadn’t interrupted me, I don’t know if I would have had the self- control to leave it at a kiss. Without Vez there to give me guidance, I feel like a rogue firework. I could head off in any direction. I had no clue if I’m doing the right thing. It felt right. There was no doubt about that. I wasn’t lying when I told her she was the only thing to break the numbness. Since being found by Franz and Zeke on that vile wooden floor, I have been in a state of chaos. Her sweet face, how often she blushes cuts through the panic. Every time she apologised for something meaningless, my heart lurched. The ordeal of getting through today has been immense. I don’t even think the grief has sunk in, having to spend the whole day dodging disaster. From the instant the packhouse loomed into view, I have been a ball of worry. Jackson’s first words to me, a hushed whisper as he led me upstairs, were about the lack of mind link. “Alpha, no disrespect, but what’s going on with your head?” “W
A Damaged Alpha 7. Matilda
I scuttled into the kitchens as soon as dawn broke and I was still too late. Bianca Jackson was already there, her shining black hair hidden under a white baker's hat. “You know we don’t mind you staying behind Tilly but you really can’t leave it like that. We’ll get rats!” “I’m sorry, it won’t happen again,” the name Tilly firing me straight back into childhood. I loved that Cillian always called me Matilda. In fact I loved everything about him endlessly already. Nina purred with contentment in my mind as we contemplated last night for the thousandth time. “It was a long day yesterday,” she said, “did you get to talk to him in the end?” Did everyone in the packhouse already know? Had I somehow mindlinked my thoughts to everyone? With a cough and a splutter I managed to mutter “No, I didn’t get to chat to him.” “Ah well, Jackson told me he has back-to-back meetings today, you had better make some good food. Who knows how he has been eating during his time away.” I smiled and pul
A Damaged Alpha 8. Matilda
The silence between us made the sound of my pulse uncomfortably loud in my ears. My shyness hits me like a tidal wave as everything I want to do ebbs away. I want to stride up to him, plant my lips on his and tell him I’ve missed him. Because it’s the truth. Yet here I am, mouth dangling open like a stunned fish. “Hey, are you okay?” and he took a step towards me. “I didn’t mean to scare you.” His tender tone helped to melt some of the panic. He was still my friend, even if the other night might turn out to have been an error. My self-belief won’t allow me to hope for more. “I was just surprised to see you. Are you waiting for someone, I can go back inside and get them-” “I’m waiting for you, I’m heading out in the truck,” came the firm reply. My words dried up. So it hadn’t been a dream. Beyond the small alleyway, fire torches crackled, and the moon shone above. It felt like everything apart from Cillian was a void of nothingness, the only light was around him. Cillian wanting t
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