Ch. 1 Memory Lane

Sarah’s POV

Five Years later

“Is this supposed to be some kind of romantic experience, like something out of one of those romance novels girls like to read?” My “kind of” boyfriend, Kyle asked, turning around from where he was walking ahead of me to scowl in my direction. “Because I really don’t see the appeal.” He added, as if the look on his face hadn’t told me as much.

We had gone out for a walk on one of the trails through the forest surrounding RedWoods territory when a rainstorm hit. Even under the thick canopy of trees, large raindrops snaked their way through to the forest floor, soaking through our t-shirts and jeans. The sun had been shining brightly when we’d set off so we were completely unprepared for a downpour. No jackets, no umbrellas, nothing.

As the showers increased in intensity, Kyle’s pace had increased proportionately while mine had remained unaltered. 

“Ugh! I can’t wait to get back to the house and dry off!” He grumbled under his breath about the way his sodden clothes clung to his skin. 

Meanwhile, I was content to amble along, admiring the beauty of the fall leaves, only enhanced by the droplets of water that acted like tiny magnifying glasses, amplifying their colors. 

“We’re wolves for Goddess’ sake, born to survive outdoors in every kind of weather.” I needled him.  

“Not this wolf.” Kyle walked on without me, stretching out the distance between us in long, measured strides. 

To be honest, I was grateful for a few moments alone to lose myself in my thoughts. I wasn’t even supposed to be in RedWoods right now. I should have been at Fair Winds Pack, visiting my cousin. But Kyle had convinced me to put the trip off a few days, wanting to spend some time with me before I left for a few weeks. We’d decided to go hiking but I had no idea what possessed me to take this particular trail today. I hadn’t walked this path in over five years. Not since . . . well since he left. 

There was a reason I never came this way. It was too full of memories. Not that they were bad memories. Most of them were beautiful, they way the three of us had been inseparable all those years. My brother Seth, his best friend Finnick, and me. 

I smiled to myself as I recalled the way I always trailed along behind them, forcing them to stop and help me over every puddle or fallen limb in our path. The way I’d helped them carry wood when they’d gotten older and decided to build a treehouse in an old oak tree about a quarter-mile down the trail. And how, once it was finished, they always insisted I climb up between them, one in front to help pull me up and one behind to catch me if I fell. 

They were a couple of adventurous boys and I had idolized them both, determined to show them I could do everything they could do. Then one day, it was like I went to bed and when I woke up the next morning, everything was different. All of a sudden, our outdoor adventures had been abandoned for loud and obnoxious video games where all they did was shoot aliens, zombies, or some other type of monster. 

And if that wasn’t bad enough, all they wanted to talk about were girls. 

“Do you think Kate O’Grady is cute? Seth always asked Finn about his childhood crush, seeking his approval.

“Gross, Sethie!” I’d complain about his choice.

“She’s okay. But I think Alyssa Tierney is prettier.” Finn would say. 

I frowned to myself as I remembered the way my stomach twisted when Finn would mention any girl he thought was pretty. I didn’t like the way those conversations made me feel, so more and more often, I avoided them altogether.

My best friend, Kat, was the daughter of our pack’s Beta. She was always hanging out with the Alpha’s and the Gamma’s kids and she always invited me along. I’d always joined them when I wasn’t busy hanging out with Seth and Finn and over time, they became my friends too. When I started to pull away from the boys, it was a natural transition to spending that extra time with Kat and the others. So it wasn’t like I was lonely. It was just . . . different. 

When I was about fourteen and Seth was sixteen, he got a job at the packhouse as a training assistant. He and Finn were both training to be warriors, but Seth wanted to be a trainer himself someday so the job made sense for him. I guess with his best friend unavailable at times, Finn was bored. That’s the only explanation I could think of for why he found himself at our house when he knew Seth wasn’t there.

“Let’s go for a hike, out to the old treehouse.” He’d say and of course, I’d agree. 

I missed him so I was always happy to have some time to hang out with him like old times. And we would always find ourselves on this trail, our trail.

Somewhere along the way, I stopped seeing Finnick Cross as the big brother figure he’d always been to me, and started seeing him as something more. Butterflies fluttered around in my stomach when he would tell me I looked nice or give me some other compliment. My fingers would twitch every time his copper-streaked hair would fall in his eyes, itching to reach out and run my fingers through it. 

Sometimes I would just sit and talk with him while he chopped wood, stockpiling for the winter. He would take his shirt off and the way the sweat glistened on his chest and rippling abs nearly made me drool. 

But those moments, when he told me about his hopes and dreams for the future, those were the moments that taught me who he really was. 

“What do you want to be when you grow up?” I’d jokingly asked him once. But there’d been no humor in his reply.

“All I want is to find my mate and raise a family with her. Stay here in the pack, maybe work on the security team. Nothing grand. Sorry if that’s not the exciting answer you were looking for.” He answered.

“I think that sounds just the right amount of exciting, actually.” I told him honestly, before teasing him to lighten the mood. “But you’re going to have to up your game on the treehouse building skills ‘cause that thing is a deathtrap!”

Finn laughed out loud at that. And when he would laugh, looking at me with a twinkle in his azure blue eyes and the most adorable dimples when he smiled, I knew I wanted to see those eyes and that smile everyday for the rest of my life.

There was only one problem with that grand plan. Finn was two years older than me. Odds were good he would find his mate before I was old enough to ever have a chance with him. And how many times had he told me he wanted to find her, was waiting for her? So I knew I could never tell him how I felt. I decided it was better to have his friendship than to confess my feelings and risk not having him at all.

For the next year, things continued between us just as they always had. Time spent with Finn was the most treasured time of my life. We alternated between deep conversation, lighthearted laughter, and even some borderline flirtation. But neither of us ever crossed that line between friendship and the possibility of something more. I’d promised myself I wouldn’t and I had every intention of keeping that promise. Until that day.

I was sixteen years old and there was no denying I was head over heels for my brother’s best friend. It was Finn’s eighteenth birthday and his parents were holding a big party in the town square. The entire pack would be there. I knew it was a day that could break me, but still, I had hope. He had been waiting a long time to find his mate and even though it would kill me inside, I loved him enough to be happy for him if he found her at his party. But if he didn’t, I was resolved to confess my feelings for him. 

Sure there was a chance he could still find his mate later on, but I couldn’t hold my feelings inside anymore. I was finally willing to take the risk of him rejecting me to know if there was a chance for us. If he said no, I would accept that and find a way to move on with my life. But if he said yes, I knew we couldn’t mark each other as chosen mates until I was officially eighteen, but we could at least be together in the meantime.

I’d decided to wait until the end of the party to pull Finn aside. If he hadn’t found his mate by then, I would tell him how I felt. I was buzzing with excitement over what the night might hold as I put the finishing touches of my look together and prepared to go meet up with my friends. I was running late and hurrying down the stairs when I stopped short. Finn was standing there at the bottom of the steps, staring at me with a bewildered look on his face. Those gorgeous blue eyes of his held so many emotions, looking into them left me speechless for a moment.

“Finn, are you okay?” I’d asked him once I finally found my voice. I couldn’t understand why he was looking at me that way. I could swear I saw longing, desire and maybe even love in his eyes. But the one thing I couldn’t mistake was confusion. 

“Uh, actually something came up. Can you just tell Seth I’ll have to meet him at the party?” He’d said before running out of the house. 

Every part of me was screaming to tell him to wait, to tell him how I felt, to do it in that moment while we found ourselves alone and not to wait. But he was clearly processing something he didn’t want to share, and so I waited. It was the biggest mistake I ever made.

I went on my way, joining the rest of the RedWoods pack members who had turned out to celebrate Finnick’s birthday, not the least of whom were every single she-wolf of mating age in the pack. The partygoers mingled and time ticked on, but the guest of honor never showed. The last thing he’d said to me was that he would meet us at the party, and then he’d run out of the house, still wearing that bewildered expression on his face. But he didn’t meet us. And no one seemed to know why.