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CHAPTER 138
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A vow of hate CHAPTER 139
The next couple of days passed in a monotony of repeated moments. Christian was monitored closely, his vitals checked, tests done, Dr Fletcher coming and going. I got to know the team of hardworking, dedicated nurses. I came and went, staying longer than I was supposed to, but they turned a blind eye to the fact that I stood beside Christian’s bed, holding his hand and talking for hours on end. I stepped out of the way when needed, but otherwise, I was by his side. I had no idea if it was because he pretty much owned the hospital and was their boss or if it was because they just felt sorry for me, but whatever it was, it worked in my favour. Grandpa and Sarah came in briefly. Sarah had cried at the sight of her son hooked up to so many machines, and they both insisted on my taking a quick break. Grandpa had arranged a place for me to shower and change, and I called Valerie everytime. Tina stayed with her when Grandpa and Sarah were here, or Mia stepped in if needed. It was a great com
A vow of hate CHAPTER 140
I sat, staring at the cold cup of coffee in front of me. My half-eaten sandwich was pushed aside. It tasted like dust, and I had no appetite. Despite what Alan had advised, I couldn’t eat. I would try later. Alan’s words kept running through my head. Christian’s recovery—the difficulties we faced. The way our life together would change. Everything I knew, everything that was us, wouldn’t exist anymore. At least not right away—in fact, perhaps never.It depended on what happened when Christian woke up. If his mind was affected. If he was still Christian—or an altered version of the man I loved. I rubbed a weary hand over my face, one thing certain in my mind. Whatever happened, whatever the result was, I still loved him. I would always love him, and somehow, we would find our way through all of this together.I had texted Grandpa, Mia and Sarah to let them know Christian was being moved and that I would send the information as soon as I had it. They responded with encouraging wor
A vow of hate CHAPTER 141
As he promised, Maddox didn’t keep me from the hospital for long. We returned as soon as I got a message saying Christian had been moved. Maddox followed me into his new room, a silent companion, there to support me. I went directly to the side of the bed. There were still machines whirring and beeping away, but there were fewer of them. Christian had obviously been given a sponge bath, his hair damp around his ears where they had wiped with the wet cloth. The room was large and bright with two comfortable-looking chairs and even a small sofa. The usual kind of hospital bathroom was in the corner, and the walls the same green, but it was private and had a window that looked over the street.I cupped Christian’s cheek. “Hello, my darling. I was gone for a while, but I’m back. You look so much better. And look who I found!”Maddox stood at the end of the bed, his hands wrapped around the metal frame. “Hey, Christian’s,” he stated easily, although I saw the stress around his eyes. “Don’t
A vow of hate CHAPTER 142
I carried her inside, setting her carefully on my hip while she showed Sarah her lamb, and I inhaled the scent of her hair. The feel of my baby snuggled into my chest made tears sting my eyes, and I had to bow my head to hide them from her. Valerie was still a baby, and she was still too perceptive not to notice. “Why you cry, Mommy?” “I missed you,” I sniffed. She looked confused. “I was wight hewe.” I forced a smile, brushing away the wetness under my eyes. “I know. How silly of Mommy.” Sarah cupped my cheek affectionately. “I have her dinner ready. I knew you’d want to feed her. Go upstairs with her, and I’ll bring it. You have a little time with her.”“Thank you,” I murmured, not trusting myself to say much else right now. My emotions were too raw. Sarah, being Sarah, understood. “Of course, dear girl.” Upstairs, I settled in the nursery they had set up for Valerie. Valerie had spent weekends with her grandmother in the past, so it made sense
A vow of hate CHAPTER 143
My anger didn’t abate. It grew. For six days, it simmered and twisted in my gut. Six days as I waited by my husband’s bed for him to wake up. To open his dark brown eyes and look at me. Smile. Frown. Groan. Anything.The medical staff told me to be patient. To remain positive. Both emotions were slowly draining from me. For six days, he remained trapped in a world beyond me. Where I couldn’t reach him. His chest fell and rose with his breathing. The full oxygen mask had been replaced by cannulas, his breathing tube gone. Thick stubble grew on his face, hiding some of the cuts. His bruises were changing, fading from black and blue to yellow and purple. His expression was peaceful, his body unmoving and unresponsive. When we were alone, I wept, begging and pleading with him to wake up. When other people were around, I remained calm, locking down my emotions, putting on a strong, brave, positive face, saying he would wake soon. Be with us.Still, he slept.Inside, I despaired.And b
A vow of hate CHAPTER 144
I was stunned by Mia’s words. “I think if Valerie saw him, it would help, not hurt. And I think you need to sort your priorities.” The anger, the bitterness I had been swallowing down exploded, and I lost it. “My priorities? Stop telling me what to do!” I screamed, all rational thought gone. “I am sick of being told what to do and where to go! Leave me alone!” “No.” I crossed the room and pushed at her chest. “I don’t want to go see Valerie. I don't want to sleep.” I pushed again. “I don’t want to bring Valerie here. I’m tired of eating when I don’t want to. I’m tired of taking your goddamn orders!” She remained in place, her feet firmly planted on the linoleum. “Too bad.” “Fuck you, Mia Walker! I’m not leaving this hospital again until my husband wakes up!” “He’s not just your husband, Hazel! Have you even thought about that? Do you realize it? You’re not the only one who’s hurt. You’re not the only one who’s scared and in pain! He’s my brothe
A vow of hate CHAPTER 145
Valerie clutched my hand tight as I bent low to talk to her. “Remember what I said, okay? Daddy is only asleep.” She bobbed her head. “He knows I dere.” “Yes.” “How, Mommy?” Maddox crouched beside me. “Like in dreams, Valerie. He’ll know you’re there and he can hear you, but with the medicine he takes, he can’t talk back right now. He’ll remember when he wakes up soon.” Her little brow furrowed, she twisted her lips, then nodded. “I leave him my Lambie. He know dat I dere.” Maddox ruffled her hair. “Good plan. He probably needs something to cuddle. I’ll take a picture and show him when he wakes up.” He stood, his lips quirking. “You are so bad,” I muttered. “I am paying him back for the Oscar the Grouch stunt when I was recovering. Tit for tat, Hazel.” Christian would expect no less. I hesitated pushing open the door to Christian’s room. I had discussed this with Sarah and Grandpa as well as Christian’s doctor, who made all the arrangement
A vow of hate CHAPTER 146
The next three days were filled with tension and anticipation. There were small signs that Christian was waking up. The flutter of his eyelids—as quick as a hummingbird’s wings—so fast you would miss it if you weren’t looking. The tremor in a finger. The twitch of his arm. A quiet sound deep in his throat—something between a sigh and a groan.Each action made me stiffen with anxiety and yearn with hope. It made me ache with the need for the next sign. I didn’t leave his side, even sleeping with my fingers interlocked with his. I rushed to the bathroom when needed, swallowed the food that appeared, and raced through the fastest showers I ever had in my life, returning with wet hair and the same determination in my heart. I read to him. Talked endlessly. Played recordings of Valerie singing and nattering away that Sarah sent me. I stretched and bent his limbs the way Colin had shown me—easy movements to help his muscles stay active. I tried desperately not to get upset at the dead weigh
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