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CHAPTER 67

HAZEL

When I first saw the news about Christian, I was in my mother’s hospital room, laughing and reminiscing about old memories. The first emotion I felt was shock–my heart dropped to the pit of my stomach and it felt like there was a gaping hole in my chest. Fear came soon after– what did this mean and what was going to happen? My hands started to shake and my breathing became labored. Soon enough, my entire body was trembling. I dashed out of the hospital to my car and drove home in silence, no music or anything— the noise in my head was loud enough. I found myself wondering if he was okay, if he needed some sort of comfort in that moment and if I would be able to render it to him. I wondered if he was home and if I would give him a hug when I saw him– would it make things awkward? Would it make him feel better? Was he okay?

It wasn’t until I pulled up in the winding driveway that I realized that not once since I first saw the news at the hospital did I even consider the possibilit
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