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Horrible Pain
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All Grown Up Hard Questions
AudreyBesides, what could I really say? All my fears seemed stupid now that I was faced with the fact that I might have ruined everything by saying nothing to Jesse. If I had just opened my mouth and admitted that I was pregnant, I wouldn’t be in this position now. The only reason that I hadn’t was that I was afraid that it would drive him away, or else trap him in a loveless marriage. In saying nothing, though, I had practically forced him to turn away from me.“The doctor said you’re going to be all right,” he finally said quietly. He paused for a moment. “Both of you.”I nodded. “Yeah, they said that, uh, this is totally normal. A good idea to get it checked out, though.”Jesse nodded as well. Then, he sighed and slumped into the chair next to the door. “Why did you lie to me?” he asked, sounding as though I had torn his heart out and stomped on it.I swallowed hard. I had been expecting the question, but somehow hearing him say it hurt worse than I could have expected. “I just go
All Grown Up How Much Do I Mean?
Audrey“Do I?” he asked tersely. “Here’s what I know, Audrey: you left me to go dance. Once, when you went off to college, and again a couple of months ago. I’d never want to keep you from dance, but you didn’t have to cut me out of your life entirely each time. Here’s what else I know: as soon as you have the chance, you’ll be out of here again, even if it means taking my kid off with you to France or wherever else. I was ready to follow you over there, and you didn’t even want to listen to that suggestion or any other. So how much can I really mean to you?”His tone was bitter, and I curled in on myself. He was right, of course. I had done a terrible job of showing him how much I cared. I opened my mouth to say something else, but I couldn’t even think of where to start. Another couple of tears slipped down my cheeks, and Jesse made a noise of frustration.“Look, let’s just cool it for now. We’ll talk later,” he said, but the way that he said it made it sound like if he had his way,
All Grown Up All The Emotions
JesseI didn’t know what in the hell to say to Audrey, so it was almost a relief when she fell asleep in the truck on the way home. She had her face pressed against the passenger-side window, and at first, I thought she was just avoiding the awkward silence in the only way that she knew how. Then, her breathing evened out, and I realized she was actually sleeping.Just as well. I knew that I was exhausted, and I wasn’t the one who was pregnant. It had been a long night, and I knew that I was worn out in the post-adrenaline mode of finding out that the baby was all right. I could only imagine how she felt.I still didn’t know what to say to her. I didn’t know what I had expected her to say when I started the conversation in the exam room about her lying, but I guess there was a part of me that expected to hear her string together some sort of excuse. I guess I was expecting there to be some logical reason that she had kept the information from me.Instead, she’d babbled a bit, giving m
All Grown Up Keeping Secrets
JesseNow we were going to have a baby. We might not belong together, but we had to find a way to make things work.I sighed as I turned onto her mom’s street. I parked out front and quietly considered Audrey’s sleeping face for a moment. She still looked beautiful. Radiant.That pregnancy glow, I realized with a sigh. Nausea, exhaustion, a healthy glow to her skin. All the clues had been there. I really should have figured things out sooner. Then again, she definitely should have just told me sooner. I felt the anger bubble back up and knew I needed to get out of here before I said something dumb.I reached over and gently shook her knee to wake her up. She jolted awake, looking around in a panic, not seeming to know where she was. She must have been pretty out of it. Normally, a reaction like that would have made me smile. She was adorable. I would have teased her, called her Sleeping Beauty. Something.Now, all I could manage was a tired nod at the door. “We’re here,” I said.Audre
All Grown Up Telling Mom
AudreyI had barely left my bedroom for the rest of the weekend after Jesse dropped me off at home. I couldn’t help thinking of the terrible things that he had said to me out in the driveway. I couldn’t help thinking of how much I deserved for him to say those things and more to me.I had fucked up. I knew that now. No, I had known that all along. I knew that I should tell him about the baby. All the reasons not to tell him seemed so stupid now. I couldn’t even think how to apologize to him, in fact, that’s how stupid all the reasons sounded in my head.Not that I was going to get a chance to apologize to him. I had given him his space on Saturday. He wanted time to cool off and process things, and I would give that to him. Sunday, I hadn’t been able to stop myself from texting him, though. I understood if he wasn’t ready to talk yet, but I just wanted to know when he might be ready to talk. The uncertainty was killing me.He hadn’t responded. Suddenly, I felt panic go through me, eve
All Grown Up Stress
Audrey“Eleven weeks,” I said. “Annabelle and I went for the ultrasound on Friday.” I pulled out the picture to show her, and her face lit up.“Look at that little peanut of a thing,” she cooed. “He looks adorable.”“He?” I asked skeptically. “You can’t possibly tell that from the picture.”Mom tutted. “Let me have my dream,” she said. “It would be good to have a little man around the household again. Besides, look at the way he’s positioned. He must be a boy.”I tried not to laugh. “Maybe it’s a boy,” I said, glancing at Annabelle.“Audrey’s hoping it’s a girl so that she can teach her to be a ballerina,” Annabelle said.“The world could use more male ballerinas,” Mom said, winking at me. “I always wished that I would have a boy to balance out you girls.” She sounded wistful, and I suddenly realized that I had never known if two kids were all that she planned to have or if things just hadn’t worked out for more. It suddenly seemed like something that I should know.Mom was wrapped up
All Grown Up Processing
JesseI knew that I should probably talk to Audrey. Not talking to her was driving me crazy. She had always been one of my best friends, and if there was anyone that I wanted to talk to, it was definitely her. I missed her. I wanted to know how she was handling all of this. I wanted to know what she was thinking.I wanted to make sure that she was following the doctor’s orders to rest and stay off her feet for a little bit, in case it was the stress that had caused that terrible cramping that she’d had the other night. It had been hard for Audrey to stay off her feet before when her ankle was injured, so I could only imagine how she was coping with it now.I hoped for the sake of the baby, our baby, that she was taking the doctor’s words seriously. I had a feeling she would be, though. Somehow, I knew that she was going to make an incredible mother. That little baby was lucky.It was one of the few things that I was sure of.The rest of it was all uncertainties, and that right there w
All Grown Up Audrey
JesseI took a calming breath to steady myself. No. I at least knew Audrey well enough to know that she wouldn’t do something like that without at least telling me that was her plan. Even though I hadn’t reached out to her, she knew where to find me if she really needed to talk about something like that. She knew where I worked, and she knew where I lived.At least, I thought I knew Audrey well enough to trust in that. If not Audrey, though, I had a feeling I would have caught an earful from Annabelle if her sister was even considering that.“You’re sure it’s yours?” Joe asked.“Yeah,” I said. I grimaced. “I actually asked her if it was someone else’s and that was why she hadn’t told me about it. She got pretty upset that I had even dared to think that she might have been with someone else. I believe her.”Joe nodded, and I could tell he was thinking everything over.“Am I right to be angry with her?” I asked, when he didn’t say anything. “I mean, she flat-out lied to me. You were rig
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