The flames lick the side of the funeral shroud, igniting the cedar twigs and leaves and sending the scent of fresh Spring rain into the Autumn air.
The familiar scent I’ve known since birth - my mother’s scent.
I’ve done nothing but stare at the white shroud since my father brought her body onto the pyre, I’ve felt nothing since her passing three days ago. Just a deep void of nothing, a chasm of numbness as the realization sets in deep.
This woman was my peace, she was my rock and the glue which held the pack together. I wanted to become a better man and Alpha for her, but now that will never happen. She’ll never watch me meet my mate, she’ll never see how her spirit will live on in my heirs.
I wanted to make her proud of me, I wanted to feel that pride radiating from her. Now all I feel coming from her is the heat of the funeral pyre.
This body is nothing but an empty vessel now, I know this. Her spirit has ascended since she was the reincarnation of the Moon Goddess and others need her spirit and guidance. She warned us of her imminent passing as well. I expected this…but it doesn’t make it any easier.
Caterina Volkova is dead. My mother is gone and she’s never coming back.
The entire pack is here, as well as others we’re aligned with including the rest of the Five and the DC vampires. I didn’t expect them all to be here to pay their respects, but I guess my mother gained the respect of everyone here.
My gaze falls on my father kneeling in front of the pyre with his elbow on his knee and a hand in front of his mouth. Silent tears are spiraling down his wrinkled face and his body is shaking with the emotions he can no longer control. His age is finally showing now that my mother is gone - blonde hair faded to a silver-grey, his blue eyes no longer shining with purpose.
Everyone knew how much he loved his ‘little wolf’ and I should be more sympathetic towards him. He lost his mate, the woman who was his entire life along with me and my sister…but a small part of me resents him for his mourning.
His entire world revolved around my mother and he was a good husband and Alpha, but he was and still is a shit father.
“Creed,” comes the voice of my uncle and advisor, Viktor. He was recently reincarnated by the Goddess in order to help me - I still don’t know why the Goddess would even bother with someone like me. I’m nothing but a fuck up.
He places his hand on my shoulder and looks me in the eye. “How are you holding up?”
I scoff and laugh incredulously because I realize that this is the first time someone has asked me that. Everyone is always saying it will get easier, that my mother is watching us from the Goddess’ Plain but no one has actually asked me if I’m okay.
“It’s not easy,” I find myself saying instead of a lie, and a solitary tear slips down my cheek. “I didn’t expect to feel this…numb. She was my life.”
Viktor sighs and pulls me into an embrace. “I’m so sorry you lost her just as you’re making your mark in the world. But please know, Caterina was proud of you; I could see it whenever she spoke of you.” He says and his words slip around my heart like a thorny vine and my throat closes up.
That one tear gets joined by more and just as I am about to give in to my grief, I see split crimson eyes in my peripheral vision.
The anger I was trying to hold back now bubbles to the surface and I stifle a building growl. My hands are balled into fists and I can feel my claws extending as the seconds tick by. I don’t want to lose my shit at my mother’s funeral pyre, so I take a step back and run from the image in front of me.
/“You should let go,”/ Haze, my unwanted Lycan, whispers in my ear. /“Let go just for a few seconds and you’ll feel better.”/
“No.” I grit out as I sprint toward my wooded sanctuary. He laughs and fades from view because he knows how close I truly am to losing my temper and allowing him to take the reins.
But the scent of blood and screaming attempt to calm me down; it was what I eventually woke up to the last time I allowed Haze to steal control from me. Innocent people dead, an entire pack obliterated at my hands - no one was spared.
I can feel his grin at the memory and I fall to my knees as guilt weighs heavy on my chest. At times like these, even Nocte’s wise words cannot shake the way I feel. I’m a fucking monster and Haze won’t stop until he has full control of my mind and body.
I need to forget; I have to make this nothingness go away; this absolute numbness I feel right now will eventually give way to anger before I can properly mourn. So I get to my feet and walk towards my private gym hidden in the middle of Volkov forest.
This should calm me down; I just need to focus the way Arkyn told me to. Picture a gold circle of pure light in the middle of your chest and feel it spread throughout your body right to the tips of your fingers and toes. Focus on that light and the way its warmth spreads through you.
Breathe in through your nose and exhale through your mouth, then alternate. Set your sights on the punching bag and start with slow punches before alternating to kicks and vice versa. Use your positive emotions to lead you; use the gold light to block out the negative.
It’s your body, your emotions; you control whether you hold on to your sanity or snap.
My body is slick with sweat by the time I come to and when I look at my watch, I see that I’ve been here for hours…and no one attempted to call me or contact me through the mind link either.
I should have expected it, but it doesn’t hurt any less.
“Creed,”
The one voice I didn’t expect to hear sets my hair on end and I spin around to see my father standing in the doorway. His shoulders are slumped as he looks at me, and from the way he’s only wearing a pair of ripped denim shorts, I can tell he’s just shifted.
I don’t know what to do, so I look away and continue to dry the sweat from my chest. We haven’t really spoken since he announced my mother’s passing, and to be honest, I don’t know what to say to him.
“What are you doing here?” I go with the easiest thing to ask. “I’m sure everyone is waiting for you inside.”
I can hear his bare feet over the gym floor as he walks towards me and I stiffen up, not knowing what to expect right now. My father and I haven’t been close since I was tortured in his place years ago. I would say it was that moment that broke me, but I’d be lying.
I pushed him away because just looking at him reminds me of how weak I am.
“I’m sure they are, but I needed to come to see you,” he says and my head snaps toward him. The sincerity in his eyes I inherited makes me do a double take and I breathe out a strained sigh.
“What is it, Pappa?” I say and it comes out harsher than I expected and guilt has me in its grips when I see the hurt in his eyes.
He stops walking towards me with his lips in a thin line. “I…I know the two of us haven’t been that close for the past few years-”
“Not that close is an understatement, Pappa,” I interject while wishing I could keep my mouth shut. He’s here to speak to me, the least I can do is hear him out. “I apologize for my interjection.”
He shakes his head. “It’s okay and I understand. I just want you to know…that I’m here if you need me. Just because your mother is…” he swallows deeply and blinks rapidly. “Just because she’s no longer here with us, doesn’t mean I won’t be here for you.”
“How will you comfort me if you’re grieving more than any of us?” I say and watch the surprise flicker in his glassy eyes. “I know you mean well, but…take care of yourself first before you worry about me.”
Chuckling sadly, he breathes out a sigh. “We’re Alphas, son; we put everything and everyone above ourselves,” he says and I watch as a wistful expression covers his face. The sad smile slips away and I see his bottom lip trembling when he finally shows me how much he’s truly hurting.
My earlier anger seems to melt away as he steps towards me, then he does something he hasn’t done in years…he embraces me.
I am so stunned that I almost don’t reciprocate. But the second I do, I feel him slacken in my arms and inhale his familiar forest floor scent. That's the last thing I remember about our first emotional moment together.
The scent of blood never changes, and it’s the metallic smell that hits me first before I hear the sound of my father calling my name. I can’t see anything but crimson in front of me, and the more he calls out to me, the more the crimson slips out of my eyes.
The color is like a vignette over my vision and when I blink one last time, absolute terror washes over me. Right now, I have my father pinned to the floor of my gym, my forearm against his throat and he’s covered in blood.
“C…Creed…” he breathes out, slapping my arm. “You’re allowing your Lycan to take over, son. Snap out of it!” After he says this, he releases an Alpha Roar that has me jumping back and bowing my head in submission.
Staying crouched like that with disbelief and guilt setting in my heart, I don’t dare look up at him when I hear him get to his feet. I block him out when he speaks, knowing I am not worthy of whatever apology he’s uttering.
He shouldn’t be the one apologizing; it should be me… I lost control of my beast and he’s the one saying sorry!
My memories are still foggy as I clamp my hands harder over my ears. I have no idea what happened after he embraced me, but what I’m feeling right now is similar to when Haze took control of my body and slaughtered that pack.
It hits me then, that I nearly killed my father.
My knuckles are bloody, but I continue to hit the punching bag in front of me. The sting of the wolfsbane-laced fabric always serves to make me hit harder; I need to be stronger than the pain. I need to get used to it so it can no longer hurt me. “Creed,” I hear my cousin, Luka, calling behind me. He’s my closest friend right now as well as my Beta and Brigadier, but lately, I’ve been pulling away from him and everyone else around me. What I like about Luka is the fact that he doesn’t pry, but when you eventually open up then he’s a good shoulder. “I haven’t seen you here in ages,” I say as he walks up to fist-bump me. He shakes his head. “I hardly ever see you lately and I’m supposed to be your second in command,” he says while trying to sound nonchalant. “So I thought I should rather come to you and see what’s up.” I shrug. “It’s been three weeks, and the pack is still in mourning at the loss of their Luna,” I say when I see him wrapping his fists as well. “Did Viktor send yo
My heart feels like a barbed wire has strangled it to the point of being unable to breathe. It’s the night of the fight and it feels like it will be my last night alive.I still don’t understand who okayed this fight because it doesn’t make sense at all. I am 5'6 and weigh 145 pounds while Creed is 6’4 and 240 pounds of raw muscle. He’s a fucking heavyweight and by all counts, this fight should be illegal! I’m a pipsqueak compared to him, a featherweight for God’s sake; I am going to die at his hands!But I couldn’t say a damn thing to my mother because I know she had something to do with this. Not only that, but she forbade me from going to the gym to fight, instead she kept me locked up in our home gym to train.The director of the fight committee and owner of this gym is Creed’s Delta and known to be heartless when it comes to placing fights. But that isn’t even what hurts me the most…it hurts knowing that even if I die, my family will get one million from my death. That’s the mos
My father has let us know he’s not coming back anytime soon, if at all. The worst part? He told Viktor to tell me, he didn’t even bother to tell me this himself. Just like that, he won’t even come home and he won’t tell us why. I’m starting to think it’s because of me, but then again, he never rejected the pack./“He will soon,”/ Haze chuckles. /“Alpha Kai is a coward without his Luna.”//“Shut the fuck up!”/ I growl, not understanding why I’m defending my father right now when he’s clearly running away. /“My father is no coward.”/I know what Haze is doing and I am powerless to do anything about it. He takes advantage when I am angry and I am helpless to stop him…just like now.The second I walk the path to the octagon, my self-control slips and Haze takes over. I don’t even know who I’m fighting, all I know is that I need to feel this person’s blood on my fists, his bones crushing beneath my grip, and listen as his last breath is taken.I never let Haze lead in my fights anymore, bu
I’m used to this. I’m used to this. I’m used to this.No matter how many times the whip lands on my back, that little voice tells me I am not used to this. I will never get used to being strung up in silver chains and whipped within an inch of my life with my mother screaming about how useless I am.“All you had to do was DIE!” she screams, landing another lash. “Just lay down and die like a good little bitch, but no! You just had to fight back!”“It’s…what you trained me for…” comes out of my mouth before I can blink and this time a silver bar lands across my ribs, cracking them.I cry out at the viciousness of the blow and she laughs as if she finds some sick joy in this abuse. Then again, it’s definitely not an ‘if’ because she does find pleasure in inflicting pain. I think it’s the biggest reason my father is terrified of her.“How did you do it?” whip. “Tell me how you won against a beast like Creed Volkov!”But I can’t bring myself to say the words. I can’t tell her that my wolf
“Why am I here, Pappa?” I ask for the thousandth time as we walk through the forests of the Taiga. When I saw my father in the mansion after my fight with Cherie, he didn’t have much to say. Only that I need to follow him because it’s a matter of life and death and it includes my Lycan. He’s been cryptic about it ever since, and from the way he looks now, you would have sworn my father has gone off the rails.His hair is completely silver now, as well as his beard and his blue eyes which used to sparkle with purpose, are now dimmed with what I can only assume is madness. It seems like my father has completely lost it after my mother’s passing.Responding to my question with a grunt, he continues further and I can do nothing but sigh and follow him. “We’re almost there, then I will explain everything,” he says again.Gritting my teeth, I push forward because even if my father has lost his mind, I trust him with my heart. He felt comfortable enough to come to me and seek me out this ti
Rebecca dragged me towards the gym cafeteria and now I’m sitting in front of her not knowing what to believe.“Wait…so you’re a-” she nods because I can’t believe I was about to say the word. “And he held an auction that sold off your kind?”She nods with a pissed-off look on her face. “Last Spring. He didn’t care what he had done, either! No matter how many times I have tried to arrange a meeting with him, he blatantly ignores me!” Woah, okay I know the Volkov family is part of the Russian Mafia but I didn’t know they dealt in the slave trade. “Does Creed know about this? Is he aware that his cousin is selling off supernatural creatures?”She looks at me as if I’ve lost my mind. “You’re aware of Creed’s position in their pack, right? He’s the goshdarn Alpha, nothing happens without his say-so!” she exclaims, then lowers her voice and moves closer to me. “Sorry about that, just talking about it gets my back up.”I reach out and touch her arm while managing a sympathetic smile. “I’m s
“So, I wouldn’t have thought a fairy- whoops, a Seelie Princess would become an MMA fighter. What led you here?” I ask Rebecca while she spots me on the bench press. She shrugs. “It seemed like the logical choice since this is where Sage works from, but now it’s become more of an addiction,” she says with a grin. “You know what I mean.”I do. As much as I hate doing this for my mother, I love being in here training my body. Getting stronger physically seems to hide the fact that I am not strong emotionally. Wolf shifters are naturally strong, but I don’t want to rely on Zhen and what she can do for me. Doing it on my own feels better.Except for the other night…A shiver runs up my spine and Rebecca’s eyes widen when I nearly drop the bar on my chest, but she’s not the one who catches it.Bergamot and vanilla send my head in a tailspin and I don’t realize just who exactly is holding the bar until I look up…straight into a pair of amused blue eyes. My breath hitches in my throat when
Pretending Cherie doesn’t affect me is a lot more difficult than I thought it would be. For one, my eyes always seem to find her when we’re in the gym at the same time, and how could I not look at her? And it’s not even her obvious beauty that drew me in, it's her eyes; those eyes knock the air out of my lungs whenever she looks at me.I only marked her with my scent the other day to prove a point, and the way she nearly lashed out at me had my dick hardening. Then the Seelie girl pulled her away and I could literally see her growling at me. Gods, she’s even more gorgeous when she looks bloodthirsty; how is that even possible? It feels like I’m crushing on my own mate. What the fuck?I’m in the separate weight rooms housing the punching bags when I see her bounding towards me with wide eyes. Holding the bag after I had punched it, I raised a questioning eyebrow at her red face.“What is this?!” she asks, holding up a piece of paper. “Is this a pity pay-off?”I narrow my eyes at the p