I’m a rain cloud, floating above the trees and the river below. I watch while Ansel holds me, crying, before I slip away.
I’m a spirit in the darkness. In the deep, velvety black.
I am not alone. I’m with the Divine. She’s the bringer of dreams and She speaks in riddles.
A wolf howls nearby and I shudder. Then she appears. Her fur is white, like snow. She’s strong, fierce, and wild.
I’m frightened, but she makes no move to harm me. The Moon Goddess whispers, so I go to her. Slowly, I reach out my hand. I run it over her soft fur. She watches me with wise eyes.
I’m not wise. Why do you want to come with me?
I stroke her head.
I’m not wild. You won’t be free with me.
She nuzzles my cheek.
Will it be painful? Will there be a price to pay?
&
And that’s when I break down.I’m wailing and sobbing uncontrollably. My face is red and my nose is running.I’ve essentially collapsed and it’s a blessing I’m in the wheelchair, or I’d have fallen out onto the floor, or draped myself over Ansel, probably messing up all of his tubes and wires.My heart feels like it has shattered.Not shattered.Exploded. Into squishy, bloody, pink pieces of pulverized tissue. Doc comes in with a nurse.“Karin, it’s okay,” Doc says.I can’t speak. I can’t get words out. I’m still balling. They wheel me out into the hall.Doc looks down at me. “I’m so sorry,” he says. “This is really hard.”I nod slowly. I can barely breathe.&nbs
I’m running down a dark, narrow hall.“Ansel?”I know he’s here, but I can’t find him. The hall stretches on forever. I pass by door after door, all closed.I hear a noise from one and I turn the knob, but it’s locked. I struggle against it, shoving it open, but Ansel’s not inside.It’s Henry. He’s standing in an office and he’s a mess. His hair’s uncombed. His sleeves are pulled up haphazardly. His tie is loose and crooked. There are papers everywhere, and he’s searching through them.Beads of sweat are breaking out all over his forehead. He kicks closed a desk drawer and yanks another open. A swarm of white spiders begin to pour out of the drawer. He tries to close it, but he can’t.I gasp as the spiders cover his hands and legs, and then they engulf him.&ldq
Maggie is standing in front of me, clutching a vase of flowers in one hand and a yellow smiley-face balloon in the other.“Hi,” she says. Her cheeks are tinged pink. Her posture is stiff.She’s adorably sheepish and my heart melts into a puddle. Instantly, the waterworks are cued.“Maggie.”I scramble to sit up and push my tray table out of the way. She rushes to me and throws her arms around me, still holding the bouquet and balloon.The string gets tangled around me. She tries to yank it away, smacking me right in the face with the balloon, while the vase tilts in her hand.“Shit!” She quickly rebalances the flowers, but lets the balloon go flying from her hand.We both burst out laughing.“That didn’t go exactly the way I’d planned,” Maggie says, gra
The King’s men swoop in and yank Doc’s arms behind his back, apprehending him with much more force than is necessary for such a gentle, old man. I feel sick.They drag us both through the hall. We pass rigid-standing guards with flat expressions and dozens of stunned hospital workers.We enter a stairwell and the guards begin to pull us down the stairs like we were a couple of rag dolls.“Let’s be civilized here,” Doc says, his voice echoing in the stairwell.I’m proud to call him my friend.We get outside and the guards drop me so fast, that I’m knocked down, tumbling onto the sidewalk, scraping the skin off my knees. I look up and they’re taking Doc away.I get up and race after them, but three gammas, stationed outside, rush to block me from reaching them. I crane my
“What’s wrong, Karin?”I’m lying on my bed in a heap still in my school clothes and shoes, my face hidden under my pillow. The sheet beneath my face is damp with tears.My father sits on the edge of the bed next to me. I sit up and throw my arms around his neck.“Did you have a bad day at school?”I nod, my head still pressed against him.“Tell me what happened,” he says.I pull my head off of Dad’s shoulder. His face is still young, his hair still a sandy blonde. It’s the father I know - so unlike the sick old man I last saw at the jail.I wipe my eyes with my hands and rub my nose against my sleeve. Dad reaches over to my bedside table for a tissue.“Here,” he says, holding it over my nose for me to blow.I sit cross-legged
“Final boarding call for Pioneer-Blue, flight 105.”Shit.The gate check-in counter is in sight. I dash to it like I’m in an Olympic relay, ticket in hand. With the other hand, I clutch the duffel bag slung over my shoulder to keep it from clobbering me as I run.I weave my way around other passengers, milling about during their layovers or filing to their own gates, and I race past emergency workers trying to revive Ethan. He’s lying on the floor of the airport, muddied and limp.Ahead, and just to my left, a little boy is watching. He looks small and scared. There are grass stains on his jeans. A bike is laying on the ground next to him.“Last call for flight 105.”“I’m here,” I say, shoving the ticket in front of the worker.She radios to the flight crew and sends me down the jetway
“Really?” My heart kicks up a notch. “Why… Why do you want to take me on a date?”“Because you wanted me to,” he says. “Remember?”There’s a lump in my throat as we walk down the sidewalk together.We stop at a cafe. He holds the door for me. I pause just inside, marveling, wide-eyed at the very 1970’s Americana-style diner.I’m in a fringed, suede miniskirt and blouse. Ansel seems to appreciate the skirt. He raises his eyebrows and smiles.He’s wearing an orange, short-sleeve shirt and mustard-colored pants with flared legs.“Think I can pull this off?” He looks down at his clothes.I think he could pull off a flour-sack, but I’m not going to tell him that.We sit down at a table. The booth is vinyl green and the table is
I stay frozen in my spot. The dream version of Ansel sweeps back a flyaway strand of hair from Zara’s face. My stomach knots itself into a pretzel when she leans in to kiss him. His arms are around her. Her hand is in his hair.My Ansel is as awkward as I’ve ever seen him. He’s looking down, and seems to be holding his breath.Dream Ansel puts on the brakes, pulling back.“What’s wrong,” Zara asks. “Did I… do something?”“No.” He looks frustrated and runs his hands through his hair. “Not at all.” He clears his throat. “I think we need to stay focused,” he says, standing, “On the task at hand.”“That was the extent of it, mostly,” Ansel says next to me, wearing a guilty expression. “This was as close as it got to a rebound.”“I don’t have room to talk,” I say, thinking ashamedly about kissing Ethan. “And, we were broken up.”I blush. “We are broken