4

                      The pain of losing her is still buried in my chest. There was no medicine that could help me to cure this pain and the loneliness I felt after she left the world. She was my only family after my father's death.

     I'm not merely dealing with my pain, feeling shattered but I'm also three days away from losing everything if I can't pay my mom's medical bills and funeral expenses. I'm sharing my small apartment that was gifted by my late father with Willow. Technically, it should go to my mother. It shocked me when I found out that I inherited it. Mom just thinned her lips that day and didn't say a word. What would she be thinking….. It always puzzled me. 

     Back to Willow! She's weird, very weird. She's tall, and lean with perfect curves, her hair is dark and shorts. Her nose is pierced, her ears are pierced more than three times. She always wears black and her boyfriend is more weird than her. He scares me. But they are good-looking and seem to be made for each other. And we haven't fallen into an argument for once, not even by mistake. I can call her my friend. 

      Despite her weirdness, she's good to me. She cooked for me sometimes. Okay, most of the time. Though, she doesn't need to do this. 

      I'm off-limits. I never got time to make friends and a boyfriend. So you can practically call Willow my friend. 

     Willow frowned at me as she finished her dinner and looked at me. "Don't you like the food today?" She always seems a little scared of me. It's not from her boyfriend. Her body language speaks of the limitless buckets of happiness around him. 

     "I took a bite. It's delicious." I blinked my eyes. I don't feel like eating. I don't wanna lose my apartment to pay off the money. 

     "Are you missing your mom?" She asked softly. I know softness isn't her thing. She's a tough girl and like tough things. 

     "Aren't you going to the club today? Where's your boyfriend?" I never asked her before. It's not my business. Today I felt the need to distract her and myself from a disturbing topic. 

     "Ivan?" She let out a heavy sigh. "He's out for business." She shrugged her shoulders. 

     "Oh, alright." I glanced at her and found her sad. She might be giving bad girl-type vibes but she's good to me. She was there for me when she died and was hospitalized. 

     "Would you like to go with me to the club tonight? You'll feel better." She suggested. 

     "Well... " I trailed off. My mother was my only friend when I stayed busy with my books in school, and doing projects. "I'm thirty." And still a virgin. She didn't need to know. 

     She let out a laugh and placed her hand on her belly. "You look nothing more than twenty, Clara. And clubbing has nothing to do with your age." She shook her head, still laughing. 

      I couldn't join her in her laugh. I just stared at her. We never shared any genuine laughs in these two years. She doesn't have a job. Her boyfriend paid monthly for all her expenses. 

     She stopped laughing as she noticed I didn't join her.

     "I would appreciate it if you could tell me how I could pay the debt and save this house." She shouldn't forget that my boss fired me because I asked for leave as my mother was admitted to the hospital. I asked for a week. So he fired me telling me that he couldn't afford my absence. 

     "You seem attached to this place." She circled her finger, gesturing at the house. 

     "My father bought it for us. I've spent my childhood here." I told her. She shifted in the house a week after my mother's death. 

     She leaned forward, resting her elbows on the table. "Are you sure you want my help?" She asked, looking quite uncertain. I found it weird. 

     "Yes, at least I should hear what you have to suggest. It's on me then." I told her. 

     "Absolutely," She thinned her lips and smiled immediately. I leaned forward, "There's going to be an auction." She muttered. 

     I stared at her, not quite getting anything. I shook my head. "I didn't get you. I don't wanna sell my house. I have a debt to pay." How could an auction help me? I snorted. 

     She blinked quite looking uncertain. Her posture didn't change. "Auction of not things." She simply said. 

     I gulped hard, looking at her in disbelief. I know she's dark. She confirmed it today. I opened my mouth to lash out at her but nothing stuck in my head. 

     "Hear me out before you immediately reject it," She looked deeply into my eyes. 

      It wouldn't harm to listen. Would it? I nodded my head. "It's nothing dangerous in trying it out. You're thirty. There's only a ten-percent possibility of someone bidding on you."

      I felt insulted. I snorted. I couldn't attract anyone in my life doesn't mean I'm not good. I can be a good mother, a good housewife. Though I don't know how to cook. I snorted at her again. She's talking about selling myself so easily. 

     "Blue Club," She muttered the word softly. 

     "What's about it?" I snorted again. She's full of darkness I could tell. 

     "There's going to be an auction tonight." She said. 

     "Tonight?" My heart began to drum in my ears. Am I ready? I won't ever be ready for such things. I'm shy. And auction! It frightens me. What if an old man bid on me? Ew! That's gross. 

     "Yes, you have to grab it or let it go. And your everything, too." Truth hits hard. Dread jumped out from the back window of my head. 

      "Are they cruel?" I asked what stuck in my head first. 

     She sighed and exhaled sharply. Her cheeks turned redder. "Ivan bought me at the V-auction four years ago." She admitted with a blush. 

     I sucked in a deep breath. My eyes rounded as I kept looking at her in awe. 

     "It's not bad. Okay." She flattened her lips one more time. "He's good to me. He takes care of me and my expenses. I am also studying online, pursuing my dreams."

     No doubt. He takes good care of her. Look at her expensive clothes. I nodded agreeing with her. She looks happy and content with her life. Her boyfriend looks super-rich. I don't know why he's keeping her in a rented apartment when he could buy her one. 

     "You're with him that long." I asked. 

     "He's my family, my everything. Soon we are going to wed." She showed me her ring finger. The big diamond was there with her from the start. Perhaps I didn't notice. She's leading a happy life. I have seen her face lit up after seeing her boyfriend. 

     "Tonight?" I asked. My head advised me to try it. I need to save my house. I can't just let it go. That's all I have left to call truly mine. 

     "Yes, In Blue Club. We have to get ready if you want to." She looks hesitant. 

     I look around the house. I grew up here. My father worked hard to buy it when he came with his wife after their marriage. This house is everything to me. The stack of bills on the dining table seems to be mocking me. Red stamps all over them, telling me this is my final chance to pay. I can't let the last thing of them go away. I nodded my head. I think it's the exact time to lose my virginity. The thought of losing this house is more than I can bear, and the big red foreclosure letters on the envelopes from the mail today mock me as I sit at the dining room table. 

     I'm out of time and I have to do something fast, but can I really sell myself?