107

During the day, I lay on the bed with my eyes open, I don’t see anything, or feel anything, my mind, blank. Zayne lets me wallow in misery as long as I eat, I force myself to swallow the food else he doesn’t leave.

I can’t think, I can’t sleep, I’m too scared to close my eyes, the guilt eats at my core draining every last bit of strength I have until I pass out and that’s when the nightmares come, it taunts me so darkly, so vivid. I wake up, screams at the back of my throat, half expecting to see the world painted red with blood. I hear my parents calling my name, asking me why. And I can’t face them, so I run. Not even being with Zayne prevents the nightmares.

I don’t try to shield myself from them, I deserve it, this is my just punishment. So, each night, Zayne smooths my hair, damp with sweat and tears, he tells me it wasn’t my fault, I didn’t ask the puppet master to come after me.

I tell him I did that by existing, that I should have been there. He tells me I wouldn’t have bee