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chapter 89

I take a breath and nod to indicate I need just a moment. Just the smallest pause to collect the scattered pieces of those memories, which all seem to be not a big deal and a Very Big Deal to my emotions all at once. “I’ve never seen someone really get hurt before. Or die. And now I feel like I’m doing it all the time. And even though we’re fine… today we might not have been.”

“We’ve been fortunate,” he says, putting an arm around my back.

“And that luck will run out. Eventually, it just will.” Tears creep into my voice. “Death is all around us. And I’m supposed to be making this life and protecting it.”

“It’s protected.” He puts his other hand on my stomach. “And you’re protected. With my life.”

“Which you’ve almost lost before.” I shake my head. “This isn’t something you can just… reassure away. I saw you. I saw your insides coming out and I heard you screaming. And that… it haunts me. I can still hear you.”

“Hear this,” he says, kissing the top of my head. “You’re here, now. And I’
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