What are these feelings? Frustration? Agony? Anger?
I don't know but all I can say, I am being torn inside.His voice earlier wasn't familiar. Very unlikely unfamiliar compared to the previous tone, that I am familiar with. All of our previous conversation with him through my phone was kinda normal, I would say.But it wasn't soothing, still, I fell in love with him immediately. However, now, the voice was unfamiliar, heartbreakingly unfamiliar. Why? And how?Was he acting with me? Was he using his fakeness to keep a healthy relationship with his father? By betraying me?I don't know. I can't think of any positive answer as well. He is abandoning me. That's all, my heart is screaming. I am pathetic. I don't deserve a healthy and happy family. I don't deserve to be someone's only one.All the time, why did he have to act like a gentleman? That face with endearment, those gentle touch with care, the way, he tried to hide his embarrassed face whenever he held my hand. What's with all of them? Acting? I don't know because it doesn't feel like he was acting. I don't know.Was it necessary to act like a gentleman when you would leave me like this? I don't complain but I have a heart too, I have feelings too. I may seem to be a little messy, unable to bring the words in my heart perfectly outside. I know sometimes I don't even understand what I do wrong to get those pain. But I can be hurt too.But, Honestly, I didn't feel that much-complicated emotions before. The feeling of heartbreak completely compounds over time until the agony weighs down on my shoulders.It felt kind of fantasy when I first fell so hard for him. Now, It turned out I am being thrown onto the floor with no mercy. The love that exists in my heart, is crawling in my every cell, with pain.Ahh! I don't think I can sleep tonight. I wonder how actually a happy ending feels like. How does it feel when your dearest one holds your hand and keeps saying 'I love you'? They are really lucky who get their true love.” Ma'am! It's already past midnight! You should return to your room!"The butler approached me from behind. I know they're pitying me. After all, I am the one who is abandoned by her husband on their first night.But I don't want to go." The moon is beautiful. I love Moon." I said smiling at the Butler." Mr. Butler!"" Yes! Ma'am!"” Any piano here?"” Piano? Yes, Ma'am! It's on the first floor!"“ Please take me there."Moon and Piano, sometimes rain and violin, they become my comfort. The moonlight and the melody of the piano make me forget all of my sadness.Come to think about it, When I first met him, I was no plan to get entangled with someone who is arranged by my parents. At least I wanted to have the life partner of my choice. But, now, I ended up facing the fear that I was always scared of.If only that day, my father-in-law didn't meet me in that restaurant when I was hanging out with my classmates. Hah! I can't call them friends too. They hurt me more than I can mention. I wonder if I had a close friend, would I have shared my problems?The butler opened the door for me. The cracking sound of the door is as lonely as I am right now. However, when I stepped in, the entire world felt different. The room is beautiful, no, it's dreamy. The curtains are playing with the wind, the moonlight peaking into the room, creating a reflection of the trees from outside on the wall, the scent of old papers or something like a fainted scent of dry jasmine and orchid, I can't distinguish but I can feel the calmness in my heart suddenly.The room is neat and clean. Maybe they keep the room dusted off. The piano is in front of the large window, a perfect place. The moon and the piano, both will shower me with melancholy.“ Is it okay to play at this hour? You will get sick, Ma'am!" The butler is concerned.” I am totally fine. I usually stay late. So it doesn't matter. But I hope you will go back to your room, Mr. Butler! You need to wake up soon, right?"” But I can't leave you like this. What if you need something?"” I don't need anything. So, go back. Also, I think I need a little time for myself. I want to be alone from now on!"I smiled at him, genuinely, to make sure he understands me. Truly, I need myself right now.” I got it. Please don't stay late. I will wake up when breakfast will be ready tomorrow morning!"” Sure! Thank you, Mr. Butler! "He left giving me an assuring smile. Seems like he is a great person. Loyal as well.Hah!!! I can't forget about today. I couldn't even look at his face. He only touched my lips. At that time, I was so shy that I thought he was concerning my situation and wanted to kiss privately.But now, I think, he didn't want to kiss me in the first place. How could you hurt me like this? How could you? If you don't love me, why did you marry me? What did I do to deserve such a betrayal?Or did he need to humiliate me at the first place? He could have - I have nothing to say.......“ Yes. I saw it. Master said as long as she got those bags, she would be fine without him on their first night!"“ The hell! I thought she is the daughter of a rich family. She is fine with some bags. Disgusting! I will die for my husband but for some bags, I will never let him go!"Are they talking about me?Ah! My eyes hurt. Am I burning? I shouldn't have stayed late. Did I catch a cold? My head is spinning.But what bags? When did he send me the bags? Bags? Oh! Butler brought a few bags last night.So, did he say I would be fine if I get some bags? Am I a gold digger?My heart felt the palpitations increasing rapidly. How could they talk about me like this in my bedroom? But they aren't lying, right? Did I do something when I went on a date with him that he thought I was giving priority to bags, not him? It's not true. I don't like bags. Why would he say that?Well, Stop with this question. Why? Why would he do that or not? I don't think I can get an answer to this. Who abandoned me, can do anything even which seems to be impossible.I love the wrong person, desperately, hopelessly, and pathetically. And, I know, I can't get away from this intense, obsessive love for him._Ring_Ring_Marquis? Must be him. I should pick it up. What if he comes back, thinking what he did was bad? It was Unfair to me.But I can't reach my phone! My head hurts so badly. High fever? No, I don't fall sick that easily but... Hiss! It's hurting badly.” Hello!!" I hurriedly grabbed it and responded without thinking twice. My body is burning. Should I take another cold shower?“ I heard Your husband didn't attend to you last night! What did you do?"Not Marquis! How disappointing!” Well ..." I mumbled...“ Voice up! Oryx! What did you do that he left you alone? Did you do anything to upset him? Listen! You are now the root of our reputation. Your one wrong move can destroy our reputation! I don't care what happened with you two. But you must apologize and bring him back. Tomorrow, there will be a party. You must bring him with you."“ But Mom!"“ No more words! Stop being a bitch and bring your husband. Beg him, kneel, or even need, allow him to get some flings. But you have to bring him to the party!"” I didn't do anything wrong to apologize!"“ So, You are raising your voice against me? What did I teach you? In relationships, one must have to compromise to make it up. I don't care who did wrong but I want you to fix it. Goodbye!"Thank you, Mother. Thank you for everything. Yeah, that's right, I am the one who needs to fix it up. From my feelings to your reputation.I was born for that. To compromise, to obey, and to be a good girl. Here, I got nothing but a life of puppets.Yes. Let's do it. Let's swallow the ego and pride, let's stop talking about love and relationships. All I need to do is beg, apologizing to keep the marriage still. As long as they wish me to... A spineless woman like me doesn't deserve anything.The dusk felt lonely. Yet, here, I am looking at the horizon to get the last words of hope. Hope that my husband who left me, will accept my calls and talk to me. But, unfortunately, I couldn't able to. Right now, I am standing in front of hundred people who are attending such a great party. My parents hold the party, to spread their threads of socialism and stand their family in front of the higher-ups who will be their tools for making money. They are more worried about our family status than I am, standing in the corner of the Hall room, without my husband. "Oryx! Come here!" I felt a jerk when my mother held my wrist and pulled me inside the guestroom. My skin burned under her tight grip. "What's wrong?" I asked. “ You are asking what's wrong? Your in-laws are here. They don't know that your husband didn't attend the party with you. Why didn't you bring him with you?" Well, Her voice is screaming that I am the one who didn't bring her husband."He didn't pick up my phone call
More pain in my heart than in my body as I walked into my bedroom. With the tingling pain in my elbow, and being unable to step on the floor, I somehow made myself in. Behind me, No one was there but my father-in-law who respected my wish. I am thankful. However, as soon as I got myself in, I felt the clutch of my husband who followed me inside without making a noise and closed my eyes." Why did you act tough? To show everyone that I don't care about you?" He snorted with anger. But I didn't respond. I am just too tired to deal with this." Oryx! Look! I know I am not in a position to talk. But I want to clear myself. I have no intention of carrying the relationship further!" Pain washed over my heart when he spoke. He has no intention to carry on. Does that mean he is going to abandon me finally? " Why?" I asked quietly. " What did you say?"" Why did you act like a gentleman? Why did you play with my heart before you married me? Why did you agree to marry me in the first pla
Doesn't it suck when you learn that the person you love, the person who you dearly hold in your heart, you know nothing about him? They seem to appear in front of you like a different person than they truly are. He looked so appealing but he acted like that. He looked like my type but he turned out different. I loved seeing his gentle nature but he turned out someone who doesn't care about me. Does he have tattoos? Does he smoke? What If he drinks a lot? Once I didn't want to date or like anyone who had those habits. But now, I think I can't hate him even if he has any of those habits.Is this why people say that love is blind? Probably! Because I can't hate him. I can't think about anyone else next to me but him. What can I do to make him love me little? What if we just try to be friends first? Will he be friends with me? I doubt. I am nothing but an obstacle for him. He must be sleeping embracing his beloved. Maybe, gently stroking her hair, and her shoulder, he is calming her to
If my world is a novel, probably I am the villainess in his life. Or a side character being an obstacle to him. Will he ever understand that someone like me has loved him unconditionally? He won't...His smile isn't for me. That lovely stare isn't for me, that forming fist isn't for me.I look towards the direction which is causing this physical reaction within him.A beautiful woman. No. She isn't more than me. Right now, the only thing I can be honest. Probably I am jealous. But my eyes don't find her beautiful.Well, aren't all female leads a little clumsy and stupid-looking? She looks fine wearing that T-shirt and jeans. She has a normal look, an unbothered expression. Is this his type?My desperate eyes are on her. Why are they trying to find something bad? I don't want to hurt anyone of them for my selfishness." Come here. I have been waiting for you!"I look at him. No, I looked at him with little surprise. That's a beautiful smile. The voice seems to change more than it was
Children are the most likeable beings because they don't have any idea what's going on in this cold, dry and painful world. They are pure and simple. Simple things can bring the brightest smile to their face. And I envy them. If I could be happy with the simplest thing I have.But...What do I actually have? Nothing. When I turn back and look at the moments of my life, I find nothing. A simple life everyone deserves but me. Every inch of me still shakes with terror, questioning me, shouldn't we run away? Shouldn't we find our happiness?But where is the happiness that people talk about? All I can see is that they are struggling, with bad thoughts or good thoughts. Someone is jealous of someone's success, someone is unhappy with a successful life.Nowhere to be found happiness is a word of the reasons for the beginning of thousands of nightmares. I want to be happy, so let's do it. But after being successful to do it finely, no, I need more, let's do it...We aren't satisfied. But Betw
" Come to the hospital and do your job. We will go abroad for a medical seminar. We won't be able to get time for a blood transfusion!"My morning started with the cold, stern and dry words of my mother who has been showing audacity all of my life. And, they don't regret that. They will never. About Transfusion! It's our family secret. To whom I should donate my blood... Well, I shouldn't think of it as a donation. My blood doesn't belong to me. Very precisely, I am a blood bank to my family. My O+ Blood is more expensive than their entire properties, not to me, but to them. Still, I am the hopeless one. I can use them using my blood. But, I can't. Because they have something more expensive than the blood I have. My entire world. For which, I can destroy the world, I can kill my parents, I can leave Marquis or can sacrifice myself.I chose to sacrifice myself." I will be there at ten!" I said, giving a nonchalant shrug. I know what I have to do. It doesn't matter to me if they are
" You stayed behind because you are afraid that I will hurt that precious person, Isn't it? Dad"The human heart can be fickle. Anyway, can change their minds. Sipping my favourite black coffee, I look at my father who is calmly sharing the table in the hospital cafeteria with me. A rare scene in my life, spending time with them is something I can only imagine." It doesn't matter. I wanted to make sure you give your blood on time!" What a liar! He knows I can read his expression, still bothering to lie." How is your life there? Does Marquis treat you well?" Did I hear it right? I look at my father with widened eyes. Did he just ask that? What a joke! " Do you wish someone to treat me like a queen when you all treated me like nonsense? Isn't it too selfish?"Don't act like a father who loves his daughter. You don't deserve to be called a father." Oryx! I think you should try harder. Marquis's father isn't -"Stop! Don't spoil my mood early this morning. " I hope Father will st
Although I didn't realize how it happened. Now I remember that Maria was in my room in the first place. At that moment I should have realized that my room was unlocked. It was weird, to be honest. Why would she place lots of chocolate in my drawers? She could have given them to me directly." Why aren't you sleeping?" Maria snuggles as she speaks. This girl is really observant. Should I say she is like her father? Today's action has proved it wrong. The Marquis I first met is too different from today's Marquis. It can't be his twin brother. Not all life is like romantic fantasy lol. I wish it was. He was really observant. Because of my work, I had to spend some time outside at night before meeting him next. Although I put makeup on, he could understand that I was tired. He has an unusually charming look and a very warm smile that he doesn't wear often. When we first met, he looked pure and perfect. His eyes were shooting stars with thousands of emotions. As If he let his emotions