Chapter 30

In the past few days at home, I tried to rest, or more accurately, attempted to survive the turmoil in my mind. Since that night, something changed between us. He changed. The more I tried to ignore him, the more he seemed to pay attention, as if having a forceful hold on me that made it tougher to shake off his presence.

I didn't stop trying, though. My head constantly told me to hate him, to punish him for his betrayal. But when he was in the frame, he distracted me from those thoughts and every vile emotion that accompanied them. Yet, when he was gone, all those emotions barged back in, and it felt as though the walls were closing in, confining me to a dark, suffocating space. I disconnected from my surroundings, my mind stuck in the whirlwind of dark thoughts. My eyes went blank.

"Look at me, Eva," he would order and I would follow but when I did, it felt like my eyes were just looking past him, as if I wasn't really there in that moment. In those moments of disconnection, he hel