I sat comfortably before Erina, my psychiatrist. She has been attending me since last year, helping me sort out my marriage issues.
"So, he asked for divorce" She leaned against her chair processing my information."Yeah""What was your reaction?"I stared at the coffee cup before me, the steam swirling out of it. I like hot coffee, he liked black, but it had to be made by me. Nobody else could make it for him. It was like he could tell if the coffee was made by me only by the smell.Won't he miss my coffee after divorce?"Eva?""Huh""I asked about your reaction""Oh. Nothing. I was scared to show him any side of me that would push him more away. So, I packed my bags and left." I sighed as I stared at her stunned face."You didn't cry?!""No.""Eva. Why are you doing this to yourself?"Myself? What am I doing to myself?"Maybe you are getting this wrong. It's not about me, it's about my marriage, it's about my husb-"That's where you are wrong, my love" Erina took my hands in hers."You are asking me where you went wrong. Well, I have answers. You were wrong in mistreating yourself, not caring for yourself. You made your life all about your husband that there is no place for you in it now.""Huh?", I was puzzled, I couldn't understand her."Think carefully and tell me. When was the last time you did something for yourself in your marriage? I am not talking about your financial growth, I am talking about your mental growth. What things did you do just because you loved to do them but not for your husband?"I thought, I thought hard. Nothing, I did nothing for myself. I did nothing that I loved. Well, I loved kissing him, making love with him, but all these would happen when he wanted, according to his schedule. I would never kiss him on my wish, although I craved him so much. Sometimes my craving would get so high I could think of jumping on him in a middle of meeting, nothing sexual. Just a kiss, a freaking kiss. I was thirsty of his kisses, his smile, his hug, anything he gave me, I took them like a hungry beggar."Nothing, I did nothing for me." I was nonchalant to my discovery, I didn't feel sad that I didn't for myself. When I was with him, I didn't want to care about anything."Well, now you should""I know you are about to start all that bullshit, that I should forget him and move on with my life, that I am enough for myself. Let me tell you, it is not going to work! I can't live without him! I need him like I need my next breathe, loving him is all I know to do in my life. I can't move on, I won't move on."I had already stood up, my chair backing away with a screeching sound. I gripped the hem if my skirt with trembling fingers, desperate to hold on to something."Eva, darling. I am not going to ask you to do that, I am not."Erina walked towards me with slow pace, her alert eyes scanning my every movements."I know how much you love him, it's impossible for you to forget him let alone move on in your life. I am not foolish enough to think you can leave him, but you are clever enough to make use of this opportunity and get what your heart always wanted.""Huh? What do you mean?" My wrestling heart had calm down, and my thinking process was being clear, but I could not fathom what was she hinting at.Erina shook her head and sat back on her chair. I sat on mine, clearly curious of what she was going to say."So, he wants divorce"I know! Tell me something new, for God's sake!"He'll be asked why he wanted divorce, obviously in family court he would need to bring out more solid reason rather than 'just this marriage won't work'. So, if he doesn't bring out any solid reason, the judge would need your consent.""And I won't agree to divorce" I said with a clueless expression."Of course, you won't. Then there is only one way left for Shraf Sinclair to earn your consent.""He'll offer me exchange", my recently steadied fingers started to tremble again.Exchange something special for my consent, something that I want, anything I want.Holy shit! Holy shit! Holy shit! Why didn't it cross my head before? Why?I stared at my psychiatrist with all the gratefulness I could pour through my gaze. Thank god, she was a woman and I was straight, otherwise I would kiss her right now for sure.Tick tick tick.Time flies, they say. Bullshit! For me, time was not flying, it was stuck in a damn moment! Anxiety was sneaking it's way up in my mind and I was on the edge of being crazy.The restaurant I was sitting in was nearly empty with only four people scattered around the table. Empty, was what I needed as my husband was coming to meet me here and we couldn't afford to be seen in public right now."Talk." I snapped out of my thoughts at the commanding voice, Shraf's voice, the voice I love so much! His commands, I specially loved them when we were having sex.StripOpen your legs.Kiss me.Oh God, I get so lost whenever I think of him! I didn't even see when he walked in here."Eva." His impatient call, my forever patient husband was being impatient now. I smiled.Eva, get my tux out.YesEva, hold this meeting for me.YesEva, my black coffee. Eva, my schedule. Eva, my emails.Yes, yes, yes! Yes to everything you say, yes to everything you want!My one and only response t
Life, you never know where it'll take you. One moment, you are happy, laughing, giggling at the world around you and in the next second, eveything is snatched away from you, leaving you speechless with shock and grief, and you have no one to turn to, no one to hold onto.Then you get to meet with this new emotion, it's called darkness. It hugs you, engulfs you in its warmth and you forget about the thin line between right and wrong. Now, darkness has called for me too, and I am unstoppable.The contract that my husband had signed with utter irritation is lying carelessly on the table as I am lost in my thoughts looking through the window."Return home by tomorrow then" my husband had said as he signed the contract, his clenched jaw giving away the abhorrence he feels with the idea."No.""No?""No. I want to spend these 30 days in the bahamas, the island you bought last year.""It's not possible, I am very busy-"Then make it possible, Shraf. You signed a contract.""The hell you are
I landed on Bahamas at exactly 6 PM, alone. For my husband was so freaky about time that he would not even let his big toe touch the Bahamas ground before 12 Am, exactly the time of our contract commencement.I rolled my eyes and entered the villa. I needed to take a quick swim, so I instantly dropped my clothes and jumped on the pool naked. Who was there to see me anyway?Thoughts and questions again started clouding my mind, so I stopped my swim and walked into my kitchen to have a cup of coffee, not bothering to cover myself. I switched on the sound system and Ariana's beautiful voice started blasting around the kitchen. Her voice along with caffeine always had a magical effect on me. It immediately soothed my tensed neves and my body started moving with the song. It started slow, slight twirling on my tippy toes, my arms moved as if they were slow waves, slowly touching my body, fingers teasing my skin, as I moved them slowly over my navel, then brought them up feeling my belly, t
I didn't know what time it was, had no idea for how long I had been lying on the floor, my body numb lying on the hard tiles. The dried tears on my cheeks were the only thing I could feel right then. "Eva" I heard his voice but didn't bother to reply. I felt his warm jacket covering my body as he slowly lifted me up in his arms in bridal style. If it was another time, I would be as giddy as a teen girl who just had her first eye contact with her crush but then, I just felt empty. Empty and sad. Shraf walked up the staircase with me in his arms and before I knew, I was placed in a comfortable bed. It was dark in there so I could not clearly see but I felt his gaze. Oh that gaze, even in the darkness I could feel it penetrating through my soul. He sat beside me, one muscular arm still around my waist as his face leaned towards mine, his dark gaze piercing through me.I gulped. I had no fucking clue what was happening. I had never seen Shraf like this, even during our intimate moments,
It was pin drop silence around us. Pin Drop. I was holding my breath cause it felt like the sound of it would be too much. Shraf stood before me, his expression unexplainable but his aura was giving his anger away.I gulped. I knew I was playing a risky game but right now I was not enjoying it. It was scary to say the least. Shraf tightly closed his eyes, his jaws clenched as if trying to contain his anger. "Are you fucking kidding me?!" He said biting the words off.Oh.My.God. I didn't know I had a death wish as the next words came out of my mouth before I knew."Shraf Sinclaire doesn't take his deals lightly, does he?"With eyes lit up with anger, he walked towards me with slow strides like a predator walking towards it's prey. His eyes were locked on me making my heart beat so fast that I could hear it. With my heart in my throat, I started to go backwards trying to maintain a safe distance from my predator. Before I knew, I was against a wall with Shraf quickly closing the distan
The next morning was no different than the others except for the fact that I could still feel his lips on mine, his arms tight around my waist and his hardness on my core. It felt like I was stuck in that moment unable to move on from the best ten minutes of my life. "Don't play games with me, Eva' His words brushed by my ears again and again in the form of whispers as I sat silently in the darkness of my room.I laughed out loud."Don't play games"Games. It was all a fucking game to him while I was slowly dying inside. The pain stabbing through my heart was so unbearable to live with."Eva"Shraf's voice echoed through my room from the other side of the door. I did not respond."Eva, I know you are in there."No Shit Shelock. Again, I did not bother to reply."Eva" he called again, his voice strict, demanding to hear from me."No!" I shouted in defiance. I don't want to face him right now. "I am not going to open the door, Shraf. Go away."Everything went silent for a few seconds
He was staring right through my soul as he started walking towards me. The sound of the scattered glasses crushing under his feet made me look down in shock only to find out he was wearing slippers.I sighed in relief but my relief did not last long as he closed the distance between us in a second. Before I could figure out what was happening, I was hitched up by my waist and he sat me down on the table.Grabbing my thighs, he settled himself in between and stood there staring deep into my eyes. I don't know, if I was cowering with either fear or excitement, my thoughts were all jumbled up as he was impossibly close to me. Even after all these years, I couldn't make myself get used to his magnetic presence. A look at him all I need to turn into a messy puddle. The level of control he has over me is beyond my imagination.I gulped, as he put the bowl in his hand and brought a spoonful towards my mouth."Eat." his voice was calm but his piercing gaze was enough to warn me not to do any
The nightclub was just a short walk from my villa, and I could hear the music pumping as I got closer. The closer I got, the more excited I became. I was finally going to have some fun after five long years of misery.As I entered the club, I was hit by a wave of energy. The lights were flashing, the music was loud, and people were dancing everywhere. I made my way to the bar and ordered a drink.I stood at the bar, the pulsing beat of the music thumping through my body. It was a welcome distraction from the dull ache in my chest, the one that reminded me of what I had lost. I had put on my best poker face, my hair cascading in loose waves around my shoulders, a deep red lipstick giving me a sense of mystery.I scanned the crowd, observing people as they danced, laughed, and drank. Everyone was lost in their own world, lost in the euphoria that the nightclub offered. I wondered if they, too, were pretending like I was, hiding their pain and heartbreak behind a mask of smiles and loud m