Will
— So, do you want to date me? — I ask and look at him with a big smile.— Of course I want it. I just didn't order it earlier because I thought it was a bit early, and I saw your birthday, the perfect date, plus it's the day the series premieres!
— It's true. I think I owe a lot to the producers who chose us, but we also owe it to Wanchai and Thirasak!
— I think Thirasak made me see so much, get out of my bubble, and meet Nate, who I didn't know. I know I'm not as caring as you are, but that doesn't mean I don't feel anything, and
— I know, I can already see that you are somewhat closed off an
WillWe are standing, leaning on a wooden desk, Thirasak makes mention of wanting to ask me something, and touches me, while my character talks to his brother .— My friend was really joking. See you tomorrow, bye!— What did he want? — he asks as soon as I hang up the phone.— I wanted to know about the post you made, I guess he still didn't believe what I said.— When will you tell him the truth, Wanchai?— I will tell him when he is in a good mood.— I think you have to tell him soon, we are together, we are not children anymore, and...
WillHis statement made me all goofy, my mood changed when I could tell by the tone of his voice that my question made him uncomfortable.— Nothing, I was just kidding! — I answered, and then we didn't speak anymore.During the trip, I realized that instead of him taking the avenue leading to his house, he entered an avenue leading to my house.All right!I knew that he would not take me to his house after what I asked, but I nurtured some hope that he would have the courage, take me to his house, and we could improvise the scene I so much desire.— I don't want to go home, Nate!
WillNate's friends are a lot of fun. From the moment we arrived at the bar, they treated me very well. At first I thought they didn't like my presence, but that idea was dispelled. One of them who is sitting closest to Nate, P'Arthit, has a big smile, darker skin than ours, and much taller than both of us. He tells a few jokes, has a fun conversation. However, he changes the subject after checking something on his cell phone.— Nate, do you remember that friend of my girlfriend's, Sam?— No.— What's up, Nate? You stayed with her after you broke up with Mali! What do you mean? Who is this girl? What happened between them?— Oh, I remember! That was a long time ago...
NateI was afraid, I thought he wouldn't understand the situation, but Will is always surprising me. When he took me to the bathroom, I thought he was angry, that he would scold me and say that I was making a fool of this girl.— I know, I saw everything, and I heard what she said! — Hearing this my expression changed, I felt a great relief, and he approached me and continued. — There's something I want to know! From what she said, you couldn't go all the way, why?I stare at him a little surprised, lower my head, look away, and then at him. I know that by telling him the reason, the teasing will increase, but I also can't lie to myself, I like it when he teases me.— Because I only thought about you!
NateThis will not work!His hand goes up to my chest, caressing me lightly. Holy shit, am I getting hard just from this? Will moves his hand down to my pant leg. Isn't it possible that he's going to do what I'm thinking? He's going to do what I think he's going to do! As our mouths don't seem to want to be apart anymore, he pulls the coz out of his pants and puts his hand inside.— No Will, stop! — I say and turn away from him, who looks at me without understanding nothing. — What did I do wrong?— This is going too far!— Too far away? We are dating, do you remember that?— I know, but I don't think I'm ready for sex.
Nate— You want to have sex with me, you just haven't done it yet because you know you're going to be on the bottom, and you're afraid to assume that you want to be the passive!— What?I hear a little way off someone say "Wake up Nate! ". I open my eyes and quickly sit up in bed. I run my hands through my hair, my breathing is labored. I look next to me, and a pair of drawn eyes watch me intently. He touches my hand, and strokes it.— Is everything okay?
Nate— The passive? — asks, and I nod my head. — You know that homo-affective relationships are not like in Bl's, nor in Yaoi anime and manga?— I know, but I still have a lot of doubts about it!— So, in these stories there is the seme protector with the macho way, and the uke fragile that needs to be protected, all this is to make a comparison with heteronormativity. And it's not like that, what can happen between you and Will, will depend on the two of you talking, reaching a consensus, allowing yourself, and the best? To surrender to the passion.— I need to talk to him more, but I feel ashamed, it's weird because it wasn't like this when I was dating girls.
WillNate's embrace is so comforting. I feel that I am protected, and that nothing will affect me if he is by my side. It may sound too romantic, or even desperate, but that is exactly what I have become after rejecting feelings, sensations, and especially my sexuality. Since I decided to bet on an acting career, besides playing a character as confused as I was in the past, all this has pushed me to understand myself, to accept who I am and to be sure of what I want.When I met this guy who turned my head, I lost the fear of feeling everything that I had previously repudiated, because I was led to believe it was wrong. I don't want to live like that anymore, pretending to be okay, being someone I wasn't, even though I still can't assume that I have a boyfriend.