*Jane*I still haven’t gotten over being kicked out of Noah’s apartment. Yeah, it was a huge knock to my ego considering the amount of effort I put into trying to give him a great welcome-back gift. But more than that, I can’t handle the constant emotional minefield outbursts. I’m not cut out for handling that sort of thing over and over again. Still, I can’t stop myself from missing him. I hate that despite everything he does that pisses me off so badly, I can’t quite get to the point of not caring about him. It’s not like I can just turn off my feelings, no matter what he says or does. It’s a vulnerability that terrifies me, so much so that I ignore every single one of his attempted calls and messages. I don’t want to hear any of that because I don’t trust myself not to cave, and the hurt is still too raw for me to just give in to him again. But when I make my way to my data analytics class, who else is waiting just outside the lecture hall with an apologetic l
*Jane*It’s the first practice I attend where I’m actually early enough to see the whole thing. Rachel wanted to join but had a morning class she couldn’t skip. I watch with fascination as their coach runs the team through a series of light drills, much less intense than the other few sessions I’ve caught and I can only assume it’s because they actually have a game today. I try to keep things neutral, observing the whole team, but my eyes involuntarily go to Noah. I end up following him the entire session, watching as he goes through his training and admiring the way his body looks as he moves around the field. It hasn’t been that long since I’ve been in his arms, but there’s a pang of longing that strikes me. It’s strange and I don’t like it, and to distract myself I look around the bleachers to see who else has come to watch the Bulldogs practice. There are quite a few other students, some are probably here to support their boyfriends on the team, but most are just
*Jane*I’ve never been happier that Rachel had plans I wasn’t part of because I’m not saying no to anything Noah does to me and we get the room all to ourselves. The time we spent apart since the last time we were really together, excluding the strained session we had in his shower a few days ago, seems to only have intensified the desire we have for each other. This is the Noah I know, the one whose kisses draw me in and keep me tethered to the moment just as much as they take me out of my head and send me flying. This is the touch I’m familiar with, the one that’s desperate to feel more of me. This is the greed I’m used to.Every brush of his mouth against mine sends my pulse racing. His hands find their way under my jersey—his jersey—and he pulls back enough just to look at me wearing it one last time before he rips it off of me. I’m just as eager to get his clothes off, but I want to prolong this for as long as I can. I back him up against the door, bunching m
*Jane*At first, I’m frozen, not really sure how to react. But I soon realize that this new girl has held out her hand to me in greeting and that I’ve just completely zoned out. My initial response is to slap her hand away, for some or other reason. But I don’t.“I’m sorry, what?” I ask, and she smiles patiently at me. “My name’s Jessica. And you are… ?” she asks and I shake her hand.Despite her kind words, something about her just rubs me up the wrong way. I can’t quite put my finger on it, even though there’s no reason for me to be feeling like this.“Jane,” I tell her, hoping none of the bitterness that fills my mouth when I introduce myself is audible in my voice.“It’s nice to meet you, Jane.” She turns back to face Noah with a fond look on her face. “I also just wanted to wish you luck for the rest of the season, Noah. I know how this time of the year can be for you.”Noah nods curtly in acknowledgment but still doesn’t look too happy to see her. He pul
*Jane*“So she has the audacity, as Noah’s ex, to act all friendly with you,” Rachel confirms, touching up her makeup in the mirror. I throw the last of my books into my bag, checking the time to make sure we’re not going to be too late. I’m planning to stop at the Bulldogs’ practice session for the last bit just before I head off to class. Rachel and I both crawled back into our dorm room at an ungodly hour this morning. This meant that both the boys were most likely also going to be at least slightly late for their practice. It also meant that last night was a great night for both of us. For all her talk of me having a noticeable afterglow, I didn’t miss Rachel’s own bright spark in her eyes and her wild hair when I saw her for the first time earlier. She’d merely smirked at me, a knowing look on her face. But the second we began to debrief each other and the topic of Jessica came up, all playfulness left the conversation and Rachel became both intrigued and annoyed. S
*Jane*I’m so used to heading over to Noah’s that I immediately recognize the route to his apartment. He doesn’t say anything on the way there. He looks pensive, so wrapped up in his own thoughts that I begin to worry about what this big talk is really about. But upon closer inspection, he doesn’t look exactly worried. There’s a slight hint of nervousness maybe, but he has this tiny smile nestled in the corner of his mouth, as though he’s picturing something that’s making him happy. It’s so entrancing that I don’t realize I’m staring at him, like an idiot. I only figure this out when he turns to look at me, and that serene expression morphs into a cocky smirk, prompting me to snap my head back to stare out onto the road ahead. “Something on your mind?” he asks, finally breaking the silence. “Less than you, apparently,” I say, my cheeks burning bright at being caught mooning over him. “A hint about tonight would actually be kind of nice of you, you know.”“It’s
*Jane*For the first time ever, Noah and I drive to his morning practice together. He lends me a jersey to wear over my dress and it makes for a decent outfit which I figure I’ll just change out of on my way to class. But I like it—I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of wearing his clothes. It’s like a silent announcement to the world that he’s mine. Noah seems to be in an excellent mood today, one that carries over even into his practice session. It’s the first time I watch the full thing and I have to admit that I don’t get it. I mean, I understand that all athletes have to train hard to maintain and improve their athleticism, and I get that baseball is a very physical sport. But there’s something about Coach Parker that just rubs me up the wrong way. Noah doesn’t speak of him too fondly, and now having witnessed his training sessions from start to finish, I can understand why.The man is harsh. While I can’t say anything about the drills, it bothers me more w
*Noah*I throw myself into practice, pushing myself so hard that even Coach doesn’t manage to find a single point of criticism. The exercise and drills do enough to distract me from the shit show that happened yesterday, but the second I take a break, everything comes rushing back. I don’t know what happened and when everything changed, but Jane’s sudden flip into distancing herself from me was so unexpected that it just left me feeling stranded. She wouldn’t even speak to me. How was I supposed to fix something if I didn’t even know what was broken?“It just sounds like things got heated, man,” Oli points out as we finish up the last drill section. “You think?” I ask gruffly. “I just wish I knew what happened. One of the worst things is that she ended up defending some random friend of hers instead of just listening to me, or telling me what the problem was. I knew that bastard was trouble.”Oli shakes his head. “Come on, Noah. You know Jane. You know that she doe