It’s so nice to have you here again. Hope you are in good health? So how did you see my resurrection? Wasn’t what you were expecting right? Yeah me too. I was expecting a lot of lightening and thunder but He gave me a weak ass resurrection. Not even a welcome back party. Anyways let’s get on with this, shall we?
THERE ARE NO SECOND CHANCES IN
LIFE EXCEPT TO FEEL REMORSE
->CARLOS RUIZ ZAFN
Thanks to the headache, I remember it now. I felt it again, this time worse than before. I relived the moment. There I was laying on my bed having the same dream over and over and over and over and over and over… I think that’s enough. Oh wait, one more , and over again.
I lost count of the times I had the same dream in one night, we were in the car driving to the park, to where I hoped to make up for being a bad daddy.
Audrey was the one who brought up the song we sang in the car. We were singing Baby Shark. Don’t give me that look, it is catchy and easy to memorize with its highly repetitive lyrics and its upbeat tune can turn a frown upside down. I know you are singing it right now, if you ain’t, you better start before I hex you twenty years of bad luck or something
And that's when it happened. We were all in the groove until the fog came. It came out of nowhere. One moment the road was clear, the next we could barely see through the fog. The car accelerated despite my foot being on the brakes and the said brakes stopped working. My vehicle which I had bought with my own money was suddenly no longer mine to command. My wife noticed as I wrestled with the controls despite my attempts to conceal my despair.
"It's not working?" She asked.
"The brakes ain't working. Nothing is working."
"Get us into a bush or something."
"The wheels are not working either!"
"What the fuck?"
By this time the kids were already scared. I looked at the rear view mirror and saw Audrey holding her sister. She was as strong as her mother.
The two front tyres burst and the car flung in the air somersaulting several times. I stopped counting after five.
The car was upside down and I could detect the smell of fuel and smoke heavy in the air.
Finally someone woke me up from this maze of a dream, back to an even more confusing reality.
“Mr Woods? Are you awake Mr Woods?” a soft voice called.
I opened my eyes to the one calling. It was a dark skinned nun. Her skin seemed to glow and she had ocean blue eyes. She was very pretty, possibly prettier than Sister Alex. I had hoped it to be her though.
“My name is Sister Elizabeth. I’m filling in for Sister Alexandra."
She kept my breakfast on a stool next to my bed
These people were taking care of me really well. I hoped to repay them when I got out of here
“If you need anything don’t hesitate to let me know.” She said before leaving
One week later and I was ready to go home
I had prepared myself to leave when I discovered I was not alone in my room.
Alex stood at my door.
“You want to go without saying goodbye?”
“Alex…”
“Sister Alexandra…” she corrected.
“I asked Father George of you but he said you were praying and I didn’t want to disturb your conversation with you-know-who.”
“You are funny. Well I’m done now.”
“I’m glad I could humor you. A handshake or hug, what will it be?”
“Handshake will do.” She extended her hand.
“Thanks for your benevolence” shakes her hand
“Just doing the will of God”
I still didn’t believe in Him so I ignored her
“You are not going to talk to your family? I was told you haven’t been to their grave. Don’t tell me you blame yourself for-"
“If I had come home on time or if I didn’t persist on taking them out late at night they would still be alive, wouldn’t they?”
“God knows why He made it this way.”
“He made a huge mistake” I said and left the room.
I met Father George outside the church. He just came out of his car.
“Mr Woods I see you are on your way out.”
“Yes that’s what it looks like.”
“I’m sure your health is fully restored?”
“All thanks to you guys, you know.”
“We are happy to help you. We are all instruments in God’s work”
This talk again. It was as if they were programmed
“Do you have a place to stay?
“I have a friend. I’m sure he will be happy to see me.” Yeah sure, when he gets over the ‘Oh my God you’re alive!’ bit.
“That’s good. Bow your head let me pray for you.”
“No thanks. I’m good.”
.................................................✍️
Harper Stevens was my best friend. We went to the same high school and college, so we had been friends for a long time. We had our fights like everyday best friends out there but we were tight like brothers. I hated him back then because he always put me into trouble with his night out parties. He loved to party and I bet he was still not married
He is a cardiac surgeon just like my wife. He was one of those dumbass that name their house. He called his Lucy. Lucy was fully integrated in a man-made pine forest. Instead of the usual solid base, the building stood on the so called screw base. The building consisted of two separate rooms with a common guest hall.
I rung the bell three times before he answered.
He was in a bathing robe with red furry slippers. There was handcuffs in his right hand. I guess it was safe to say last night was really wild since he is a man that loves role-play.
“Bloody Hell! Ghost!” he shouted and ran back inside.
See? I told you
Come on Harper this ain’t a way to greet your friend that came back from the dead
He picked up his phone and dialed.
“911, what’s your emergency”, came the response through the phone.
“There is a ghost in my house!”
I opened the door and came inside laughing at him. I was so enjoying this.
“Excuse me sir, could you repeat what you just said?”
“My best friend’s ghost is in my house and it is laughing at me. I think it wants to kill me. Send help please, I don’t wanna die
“Sure thing, sir. Wait a minute let me ask my grandmother for the Ghostbusters number or maybe I’ll get R.L. Stine to look into it, maybe one of his books has an explanation..”
“What? This is not a joke, I’m serious”
“Have a nice day, sir.” The line went dead.
“They think it’s a prank call, Harper but I’m here to haunt you”
I was enjoying this until the bastard pulled his gun on me
Seriously who pulls a gun at a ghost?
“Don’t do it, Harper”
“You shouldn’t have come here, ghost
“I’m not a ghost. It’s really me, Mason. Come on touch me”
“No stay back!” he yelled.
I took one step forward.
Then he pulled the trigger.
That’s it for this week’s Confessions Of An Exorcist. Goodbye for now.
A/N: I’m glad you guys met Harper, I wanted to give him my name but my editor thinks Harper Stevens suits him more. What do you guys think?
He is somehow like me but not really like me. Did that make sense? I hope it did.
Thanks for reading.
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Shit! I almost died the second time. My stupid best friend had tried to kill me. He was a surgeon but he was dumb as fuck. Who shoots at a ghost?- damn, I’m not even a ghost! Would He have brought me back again if this hairy cunt had killed me? I don’t even wanna know. "Sometimes life gives you a second chance, or even two! Not always, but sometimes. It's what you do with those second chances that counts. -> DAVE WILSON “Bitch you missed. Shoot with your eyes open not closed.” “My eyes wasn’t closed”
Oh look at that, you've come again. It's so sweet of you. I feel like we are already best friends, I can feel us bonding. You come every week to read my dumb confessions and that's pretty amazing of you. So in the spirit of friendship, I will answer any question you have. And I really hope you stick with me through out my journey. “Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming "Wow! What a ride!" -> HUNTER S. THOMPSON
Hello there my name is Mason Woods, I died and was brought back to life to do a job I wholeheartedly do not want to do. I am robbed of my freedom. Welcome to my party"A normal human being does not want the Kingdom of Heaven: he wants life on Earth to continue."--> George Orwell."Fuck the government. Here's to the night we don't remember and the friends we won't forget. Let's get this fucking party started."This is by far the best speech I have ever made. I walked down the stage feeling proud. I sit at the bar drinking and watching them dance- I don't know how to dance and wouldn't want to disgrace myself.
Hello there! I'm Mason Woods and I'm about to take you back to the past—back to my childhood and my teendom days. Don't hate me for some of the things I did, my hormones are craaaazy Being a teenager is an amazing time a hard time. It's when you make your best friends- I have girls who will never leave my heart and I still talk to. You get the best and the worst as a teen. You have the best friendships and the worst heart breaks ->SOPHIA BUSH 03-November-2006 "How many times have I told you to stop fighting in school,
The worst thing about dying is coming back to life. It's only beautiful if the people you love are here. What's the fucking point if they are gone. They call resurrection God's blessing or miracle but it's really God's way of torturing you. I'm supposed to feel His love but I'm feeling no shit. God is cruel.NO ONE WANTS TO DIE. EVEN PEOPLE WHO WANTTO GO TO HEAVEN DON'T WANT TO DIE TO GET THERE.AND YET, DEATH IS THE DESTINATION WE ALL SHARE.NO ONE HAS EVER ESCAPED IT, AND THAT IS HOW IT SHOULD BE, BECAUSE DEATH IS VERY LIKELY THESINGLE BEST INVENTION OF LIFE. IT'S LIFE'S CHANGE AGENT.IT CLEARS OUT THE OLD TO MAKE WAY FOR THE NEW->STEVE JOBS.
THIS CHAPTER IS DEDICATED TO THE LATE CHADWICK BOSEMAN. Father men like Chadwick Boseman deserve resurrection. Ever since Chadwick Boseman stepped into the spotlight he has been an inspiration to the world. The way he lived his life is something worth emulating. He kept on touching lives. He kept on inspiring the world, lighting up the dark in people's hearts, Father through his movies he kept our depressed hearts at bay. May You help his family find peace in his absence May he find solace in Your domain. Royalty returns to God. REST IN POWER, KING. YOUR LEGACY WILL LIVE IN YOUR STEAD, FOREVER. Well, hello there. Came to read another tale? It's been confirmed I'm a monster that killed the people that loved him. Yes I killed them, yet they still love me. I guess I'm not cursed after all. Or maybe I am because who would still love me. I guess
It is starting to feel like I am married to Reverend Fathers; I mean isn't there a beautiful nun like Alex that will explain all this nonsense to me? If God could push beautiful nuns possibly prettier than Alex my way then I would take up this retarded job with pride. I will even have Exorcist tattooed on my ass—yeah, I said it; on my ass, because I have a beautiful booty.Let's go hear what Reverend Father Frank has to say“THE WORLD IS A DANGEROUS PLACE. NOT BECAUSE OF THE PEOPLE WHO ARE EVIL; BUT BECAUSE OF THE PEOPLE WHO DON’T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT” ALBERT EINSTEIN"Excuse me did you say your name is Mason Woods?""Uh... Who's asking?""My name is David, I'm a Deacon from St Paul's Parish. Father Frank has been waiting for you.""
I guess what they say about your most embarrassing moments sticking on you like glue is true. I can't seem to stop myself from thinking about the day a seven year old tossed me around. This is bad you know. I hope it doesn't become a routine.Ever been in a situation where you know you gotta do something but you don't do it because you are afraid you are not gonna do it right or be good at it and even though everyone is telling you that you will do great, for some reason you cant trust yourself or believe in yourself? This is me right now.Anyway I'm about to make a big decision, so let's get on with this.POSSESSION AND EXORCISM IS SOMETHING THAT'S IN EVERY RELIGION AND CULTURE. IT'S A REAL PRIMAL FEAR: IS THE BODY A VESSEL FOR OUR SPIRITS? WHAT HAPPENS IF SOMETHING ELSE TAKES OVER IT? WHERE DOES THE SPIRIT GO?— ELI ROTHAfter spending two days in the care of Father F