Beatrice Costello
What was the point of starting all this, if not, to relieve the mind of all the shackles that bound crazy thoughts? To be able to find Giacomo's forgiveness, to forgive me for ever having believed that I could be truly happy.
A real game of chess formed inside the mind ready to act at every choice and every possible turn, without measures or going back to the hole just the dam bursting to let all the rot take over, one of which could never have erased even if it had tried.
A dangerous game, since human chess, generates deaths. And it's amazing how much it brings a sweet taste to my mouth making me take the tip of my tongue to my lips to wet it wishing I had more of that sensation
Listening to the song over and over in a maddening loop only keeps me more awake as my mind tries to get lost in the meaning of the words. Maybe that's the difference, I accepted the monster that dwells in me as a second layer, like the air I breathe. Did he exist or was he born?
Who will know the designs designed by the devil, who will know which fall he will give?
Each pain of each bite caused the pain to spread throughout the body, with each beating inhibiting my movements, stunning the thoughts that were forming inside, taking up a space that I once believed was good. Or at least I tried to imagine being good.
The space trained since birth to be condescending, patient, loving, and obedient is now just a hollow and dark space, the suicidal desires I had were being taken over by the insane desire to consume every scream and every moan of her pain.
With fire, blood, and the madness intrinsic to the lonely at heart, my mind is taken over by all the ideas flowing in a perfect scheme, the chess pieces moving each time I lift the stick to hit the bastard again and again. Seeing the fury flashing in his eyes, I dropped the staff on the ground bringing our faces close enough, stroking the beard grown by the journey, I find myself imagining how many he tormented without having me quench his thirst.
Blue eyes gleam in response, her tongue sticking out wetting her sinfully reddened lips, was that the point of allowing myself to fall ill? Or was it already down before him? I place my hand on her cheek.
-I love you, Stefano. I say, feeling the rumble in my chest.
The words come out so easily that I don't even know when I came to love my tormentor, I feel my eyes burning with tears taking every breath I take.
-Beatrice -The serious voice stirs something inside me. - Let me go, I promise to pretend it didn't happen.
I sigh, climbing onto the small table with a few things neatly laid out beside it, tracing his outstretched biceps with the tips of my fingernail, eliciting a moan from both of us reaching his wrists, and stopping when he touches the ring on his ring finger.
–What kind of love is this Stefano? - I ask, reaching down, and taking his hands to pick up the red ball trapped between the leather straps on the table.
He lays his head back as I kneel on the wood, feeling my chest heaving in such a painful way, replaying touches and caresses and looks. Was this love just an illusion, mine?
-It's the only real love. - I stop the movements trying to absorb each one of your words. – Love makes us crazy and all the monstrosities we do for love don't make us monsters just made of meat.
I sigh hard feeling the pain carried by the huge drop that escaped from the corner of my eyes, running away when running down my cheek.
– Let me feel one last time. - He bites his lips
The sight of you so innocently helpless, exposed in all its glory like a sculpture carved from the most precious marble, it's this scene that steals another tear from me, holding your left arm putting my face close enough to yours, feeling the warmth and the aroma of his cigar breath, the tongue tracing all the path made by the tear sipping as if it were the purest drink. I pull away just enough for us to lock eyes.
- I feel like I've gone crazy. – I admit it, even if inside I still don't know how to distinguish whether it's good or bad.
-You were always crazy my love and perfect for me. - I feel the truth in his words, getting swayed, tempted to undo the ties that bind him. - Not. ' I look back at him. - Don't do it, only one of us can get out of here alive after that.
I swallow hard because this is the most painful truth, a knife that cuts my soul and for some twisted reason I love this pain.
"Are you giving up on me?" - I murmur in disbelief.
Your smile opens up huge making your white teeth shine with so much beauty, my piece of the sun that burns my wings.
- We'll meet in hell darling. – I see how the look changes at the same moment. “Don't forget whores have a reserved place to serve there too.
I smirk in satisfaction, it's the truth, that's what I am, a whore and now a bad bitch about to cause carnage, I went back to my movements putting the red ball in her mouth, listening to the whimpers as the words started to hit the open scars inside her soul, her accusations of being a bad wife, of being a whore from a bad family.
The indignity of bearing a Sartori heir.
I get down from the table facing the sea that carries all my pains, the annoyances, and my heart, yes, if I ever had one, I'm left with that man. And even he knows it, as he stops trying to speak to force his best smile even with his mouth open. His gaze carries the satisfaction of knowing he's tattooed on me.
I dance for a moment chanting the music making my low voice reverberate on the walls of my cell, the feeling of pleasure grows, because this time it will only be mine. Mine alone, for all eternity. Without looking at anyone else, because the last look will be mine. I walk around the room, reaching the table and carefully choosing the proof of the monstrosity my love is capable of doing for him.
An infamous joke in which every movement brings out a smile amidst the chaos of blood splattered across the small space that used to be my cell.
Beatrice Costello My right ear asked for rest from the incessant sound and even with the pain I let the music take over, when you lose your mind do you feel free or alive?! It wasn't the time to hold back the pain, not when my demon needs to sing when my mind needs to feel the blood heating. I watched his eyes tremble, his breathing out of rhythm and the sweat on his forehead instigating the worst in me, something I never imagined would be possible as a distant dream coming true, now. I chose the dull-edged axe. I raised the axe, letting the blade catch on the bone of the ankle, making a swinging motion as if I were chopping wood, to draw it not from a piece of wood but from the bone, repeating the movement and seeing how his eyes They turned and looked down to see that I'd left only a stump in place, their growls reverberating around the room with isolation blending with the music. I dropped the ax on the table listening to a brief sigh of relief, although his look now carries a ch
Beatrice Costello And now every piece of me took a toll on maintaining itself, I breathed as deeply as I could, leaning against the wall, took the cell phone off the shelf, turned off the sound, and opened the door. The darkness embraced me like an old friend, climbing each step I expected to feel any remorse and all I felt was a huge nothing. Walking through the dark house, groping along the walls for some support for my tired legs, I managed to reach the bedroom, and as in silent prayer, I connected the cell phone to the sound system, threw the device on the bed without caring about the number of missed calls or messages. I sighed, losing myself from reality feeling the taste of blood filling my mouth after cutting my lips biting. I could have lost my sanity and still, it didn't matter. His blood was spilled and ran down the corners, the fire in his blue eyes being consumed, and the ashes rose in the sweltering place. It's that whisper in my mind that brings the first smile to
Beatrice Costello My brothers were there for me, the first to speak was always Hunter "Need help with the cleanup?" - His look is careful, concerned. The green eyes analyzing every exposed part of me made anger fill the chiseled face with a square jaw and full mouth. The decision I made will affect all of us in one way or another, and this is your way of showing your support. “Just the garbage bag by the door. He turned and walked to the door taking the bag out of the house, we all silently watched the movement back and forth. Until he was standing next to the workbench again as if waiting for an order or a request. "Okay, what's the plan?" - Jack turned sideways sitting on the sofa now with his body turned towards us asking what was going through everyone's mind. The dark hair in contrast to our blond ones, the well-shaped face, with full lips and perfect teeth, the slightly crooked nose, and the usual sarcastic expression. "We need a story," Hunter replied without taking his
Beatrice Costello I can't understand the motives of the faces concerned with how to follow the plan even though I know that declaring war at the moment is impossible, the way their eyes analyze my every move is irritating. Who spread that women are fragile? I shake my head, trying to clear the blind irritation that builds in my chest at continuing to be judged by men when their only use in the world is to be born and raised by the care of women. I am aware of every possible flaw within that plan but right now taking down every deal made is more useful in raising resources than confronting Don. —The Don won't believe this Beatrice – Giacomo decides to pronounce after his long minutes analyzing my steps — We can get a few months, but at some point, Sartori will put two and two together, especially when he only finds Stefano's bones. It's a valid point, I know that but I can't move the pieces without their support and if you have to appeal to an emotion that no longer exists I don't
Beatrice Costello I feel like my head can weigh a ton so drugged the almost painful feeling of wanting to embrace the darkness again, I end up having terrible difficulty trying to open my eyes with my heavy and inert body. last week, your passionate kisses mixed with the taste of the cigar right after the beating, the firm and harsh words culminating in the abortion, the painful hunger for the blood of the only man I loved, and finally the pleasure of seeing his eyes widen in fear and become furious when he found out who his tormentor would be. The savory taste of our declarations of love was as sick as the way I arranged for his death, covering every one of the doubts and fears mixed with the confused feelings trapped in that cell called home, a sweet taste involving my tongue making the monster nourished for so many years finally breaks free, taking his place in the sun claiming ownership of this filthy soul I carry, wanting to expose his exploit to the world the way he wants more
Beatrice Costello They don't expect a woman to be the mind behind the game, what they don't know is that we women act like snakes waiting for the moment to pounce. My husband, may he burn brightly in hell, believed this wholeheartedly and is now dead, I doubt there was ever a moment that even crossed his diabolical mind that I would be holding a knife and gouging out one of his eyes. And my moment has finally arrived, for those who wait amidst the storm, glory arrives bringing new challenges and those I'm ready to kill one by one. - Well, nobody expects anything from a wife or a whore, as my late husband liked to call it - I take a deep breath thinking about how to explain simply everything that happened in that basement when my brother found me. I saw a glass of water on the bedside table beside me and I drank it, using the water to organize my thoughts, calmly thinking about what I can say at this moment, and how the pieces will start to move in our favor. — Giacomo wanted to go
Beatrice Costello And I would a thousand times prefer a life away from the family, free of Stefano, then continuing to pretend to be a happy and loving wife, just the thought made bile rise in my throat. I knew Bianca would know how to do a few things, so I put her to do what was most useful. A list of products we'd need living here, Frank looked relieved when my sister's frown lifted. With two buckets, a few bottles of bleach, and a broom, five hours later we were done cleaning up. Life granted me the clemency of having an old washing machine, but working in the small service area, the sofa would go to the trash anyway. I tried to understand what time it was and what day it was, two days off meant Wednesday. — It's Thursday morning already — Frank answered the silent thoughts — I'm going to take a shower first. He just warned and left towards the bedroom with the bathroom, Bianca finally seemed to have finished the list. There must have been an item saying 'buy a new apartment'.
Giácomo Costello Sometimes we need to make decisions that even the devil doubts our intentions and capabilities until the moment our name enters the condemned list. Being the eldest within the mafia means having a lot of expectations on your shoulders, and stifling responsibilities, one of the few interesting parts is being the one who keeps secrets and I still had to hear several repeated stories before I was initiated. Like why two brothers got American names, even with the Italian last name. According to the story, my father had bet with my mother that it would be a girl and, in both pregnancies, poor Antonio Costello had lost the bet with Donatella Costello, who wanted to give her children the opportunity to try to fit in in America. Oh, mother... The longing for the little childish moments next to her made my chest ache, a time I can't go back to and which at the same time is so far away. When she died giving birth to the girls, I watched my father fall apart before my eyes.