Elliot stared down at me, his expression stiffened at my response before he moved my hands away and pulled off his shirt. He tossed his shirt to the side as he leaned forward kissing me and it felt like he was being gentle with each peek like he's willing to withdraw at any point if I asked him. I can feel that pounding sensation against his chest when I placed my hand on his chest letting my fingers linger and the unsure feeling returned. Where did that confidence disappear? I said that I wanted to do this and yet I’m pulling back again. Elliot saw my hesitation when I began to pull my hand away and reached out grabbing my wrist placing my hand right at the middle of his chest.“Can you feel that?” He asked me.I was curious at his question before noticing that I’m feeling his heart and its racing. That pounding feeling that I felt wasn't from me but from him. “Are you scared?”He smiled as he continued on kissing me and nodded, “Terrified. You're scared that I wouldn’t want you anym
“I want to… with you,”I was about to raise his shirt up when he reached out to grab my arm to stop me, “We don’t have to-”“I love you… and I want to do this with you because you feel the same way.” I said, staring into his eyes and I wanted him to know how I felt. “You’ve made me feel safer than I’ve ever felt in years. I know you won’t hurt me.”Elliot stared down at me, his expression stiffened at my response before he moved my hands away and began to pull off his shirt. He tossed his shirt to the side while he leaned forward to kiss me, and it felt like he was being gentle with each peek. The way he kissed me was as if his lips barely touched mine and it was as if he was willing to withdraw at any point if I asked him. I could feel that pounding sensation against his chest when I placed my hand on him letting my fingers linger, wanting to feel him, and so suddenly without thought, there was that uncertain feeling returning to me. Where did that confidence disappear? I said that I
Elliot seemed to get the hint and I could see the dimples on his cheek as he smiles down at me. He’s been putting in the effort so that I wouldn’t have to be reminded of the first time I’ve had sex and become overwhelmed with fear. Having to be reminded of that painful feeling jolting through my body and feeling like I was only there for their own needs. I took a deep breath as I tried to shake off that anxious feeling that was creeping up on me and looked at Elliot while I could feel his hands spreading my legs apart. I kept my eyes on him wanting a distraction and seeing in his expression that he was being cautious. It honestly didn’t hurt so much after Elliot paused to let me take a breath and I can feel him inside me.“If you don’t like it, tell me, okay?” He whispers.I nodded, wanting to show that I was comfortable, and placed my hand over his chest. I want to feel his heart pounding like mine and remind myself that we are each other first. It's not like I’m overwriting my past,
I looked at my phone to check the time and I was a couple of minutes late walking back to campus. I came early to meet with Luis and we went out to eat at one of the restaurants across campus. It’s Friday and the week went by slow after I left Elliot’s apartment and I’m thinking of going over tonight if I have time. Lucas invited me to a play that is being held on campus, that Andre and Genevieve will be performing, and I promised Lucas that I’ll meet him at five, but I was distracted talking with Luis. I saw Lucas walking over to the main building where we agreed to meet after I told him where I was and he smiled waving at me.“Michael!” He shouted in glee. “It’s great that you text me or I wouldn’t have found you. I thought about waiting at the bus stop since you didn’t have classes today.”“Sorry,” I said, walking over towards him. “I was distracted hanging out with a friend that I haven’t see for a while.”“That’s fine. Now, come on,” Lucas said, grabbing my hand and starting to
I held the camera in my hand feeling uncertain about what I should do when the lights started to dim down and they began the second act of the play. Lucas nudged me when they started and I raised the camera trying to take pictures, but I wasn’t sure if I was doing this right. I feel shy not wanting people to look over at me while I’m doing this, but when I glanced around everyone was watching the play and that helped calm me down. Glancing at the stage, I could see Andre performing so I took this chance to take pictures of him while he was performing and it felt like I was capturing every scene until I realized that the play finally came to an end.“You got into it in the end,” Lucas said after I took the last picture.I looked down at the camera and shrugged my shoulders not realizing that Lucas was watching me. “I just tried. Don’t the campus have their own photographer?” I asked him.“No, not right now. The person who was in charge of it transferred out and it was all a surprise be
I entered the apartment, turning on the light that was near the entrance, and set my things on the couch. It felt a bit cold being alone and I turned on the television wanting there to be some sound to occupy the empty place. Glancing around, the last time I was here was when I spent the night last weekend and we haven’t really talked so much about what we did. It did hurt me a bit, emotionally and physically, but overall it wasn’t a terrible experience since we were able to take things slow. My face felt warm as I remembered the moments when Elliot reassured me multiple times and how the feel of him was far more exhilarating. I went over to the kitchen to grab something to drink and noticed that there were some dishes left in the sink. To occupy my time, I washed the dishes then looked around trying to see what else I can do, but Elliot usually likes to keep his belongings organized compared to me and I don’t want to move anything that might upset him. I thought about the play and th
I hummed as I felt his lips again and was tender feeling them while he still held on to me; our legs were intertwined under the covers. There was this gentle touch to them that I tilted my head up wanting a bit more and he did, never pulling away like he'd letting me feed onto him. A loud breath escaped my mouth when he kissed me by the neck and I let out a giggle, feeling nervous, and also there was this sensation like you can just melt under his arms. That’s honestly all I have to say about Elliot. Feeling his fingers tracing along my sides leaving my breath hitched and trembling a little the further we go.I was about to wonder if we’re moving too fast, but it was too late to interrupt him and it was clear where this was leading. I laid there watching him pull off his shirt then felt his hands tracing across my arms and there was this tight feeling in my chest. I closed my eyes trying to calm myself from this overwhelming feeling that’s creeping up on me and it wasn’t like last tim
On Tuesday I met up with Lucas at the library like promised and we were both free for two hours before our next courses. Andre tagged along with him wanting to show me the college newspaper and they picked out one of the photos I took during their performance for the piece; my name was even credited underneath. I looked at it for a long second before glancing at Andre and I wasn’t too sure what to say about it, but I was surprised. Andre brought up the offer for the photoshoot again and I sat back in my chair glancing at the newsletter. It's the first time seeing my name on anything beside a reward certificate that a teacher would give in elementary school.“We’re going to pay you for your time,” Andre continued, then raised an eyebrow like he could read my thoughts. “You want to give it a try, right?”“You trust me to take your photo?” I asked him.“I wouldn’t be bugging if I didn’t,” Andre replied back and moved to sit beside me. “Come on, if I become famous, I’ll be thanking you fi