Chapter 7

"Well… that didn't go quite as planned," Alice muttered to herself.

She sat on the bench in the freezing cold, losing feeling in her legs as she gathered the courage to return home and face her brother.

'You couldn't just swallow your pride and apologise?' she sighed to herself, angry at her inability to say the words. Why was it so hard for her to admit her wrongdoings?

She had been a bitch to Caleb. She had slagged him off and called him names and looked down her snotty nose at him. So why couldn't she bring herself to utter those two little words?

Her resistance to apologies was almost as ingrained as her hatred of the word 'please.' Alice hated having to plead for anything, and would rather go without in a stubborn display of self-denial than have to crawl to someone in order to get what she wanted.

Why she'd turned out this way was anyone's guess. Maybe it was the result of being punished for not using please and thank you as a kid. Alice had always been a defiant little bugger, or so her mother liked to tell her. Eddy had been the good kid.

'Funny how things turn out,' Alice thought.

When she'd messaged Caleb, she had fully intended on apologising, even grovelling to him. But when push came to shove, her stupid brain did what it always did, putting up defensive barriers and spouting accusations and excuses. Sometimes, it felt as if she had no control over what came out of her mouth. 

After she finally managed to drag her butt from the icy bench and trundle home, Alice was met at the door by her brother, his pale face stretched in hope and full of questions.

"So, what did he say?" he began to hound her before she'd even gotten through the front door.

"Well," Alice said, fully intending to tell the truth. 

She looked into Eddy's eyes, seeing his fear, angst and pain as clear as day.

"It was fine," Alice smiled. "He said you can have more time."

'Why did you say that?' Alice screamed internally. 'Are you mad?'

She smiled at her brother, who flung himself into her arms. It was so rare to get a cuddle from her brother that it shocked her almost to tears. 

He wasn't the same person when he was on drugs. They changed him into someone cold, harsh and manipulative. He wasn't as mean when detoxing, but his skin felt painful to the touch, making him recoil from physical contact.

"I knew I could count on you Alice; you always were the smart one out of the two of us," he said.

Alice tried to keep the guilt from showing on her face. It wasn't easy. She distracted herself by making the pair of them a hot chocolate, complete with squirty cream and marshmallows. Mum had bought all the ingredients in hopes of fattening Eddy up a bit, but so far it hadn't made a spot of difference.

"Honestly, Alice, you are a lifesaver," Eddy went on as they tucked into their treats. "I'm sorry I blamed you. I know it's all my fault deep down, you know?"

"It's okay," Alice said, looking at him with interest. He didn't have the same issue with apologising or admitting fault she'd been cursed with, so many it wasn't her upbringing to blame.

“Have you thought of talking to the police about it?” Alice asked, racking her brain for a solution that didn’t involve quite so much effort on her part.

“And say what exactly?” Eddy scoffed. “Hi officer, I’m worried my drug dealer might hurt me because I never paid him for the illegal drugs I took?”

Alice sighed. “Yeah, I figured it was dumb, but still, he shouldn’t be able to get away with using violence.”

“We know what we’re getting into when we borrow from people like him,” Eddy replied, poking at his dissolving marshmallows.

"Yeah, well, I have homework to do," Alice told him, looking for a reason to excuse herself. The guilt wasn't sitting well with the milky drink, and the thought that he was going to find out about her lie was making her sick with worry.

Alice bounced up the stairs to her room and got straight into bed. Her completed homework sat on her bedside table, still shining where the paint hadn't quite dried. 

Instead of sleeping, Alice spent the next three hours repeating imaginary conversations with Caleb. After the seventeenth iteration, she came up with the novel idea to offer him sex.

As a virgin, it was a brave move. 

Her intact virginity wasn't down to lack of offers, or her parents insisting she wait till marriage. it was more that none of the guys she'd met so far did anything for her. She assumed that one day she would kiss somebody and feel a spark. Something. So far, the kisses had been nothing but sloppy, teeth-clashing awkwardness. 

She pictured Caleb's lips. 

'What would it be like to kiss him?' she wondered. 

He had full, soft-looking lips, but didn't seem the type of guy to give gentle kisses.

It was a while before Alice realised she'd not only lost her train of thought but had derailed it into the proverbial gutter. Gone were the scenarios of apologies and bargains, replaced with X-rated scenes of Caleb and herself in various stages of undress.

She finally fell to sleep, having her plan engrained in her memory. If he turned up at school tomorrow, she knew exactly what she was going to do. She didn't dare to let herself hope he'd been arrested for hurting Andy. The likelihood of Andy grassing him up to the police was slim to nothing, and even if he did, it would his word against Calebs.

###

The following morning, she arrived at school extra early, knowing Caleb always did the same. He could usually be found having an energy drink and a cigarette before class, congregating with his mates around the bike shed—the only place the teachers didn't have a view of from the windows.

He scoffed and shook his head when he saw her approach, no doubt expecting a repeat of yesterday’s conversation.

This one was going to be different.

'I WILL apologise to him,' Alice assured herself.

Plus, she had an ace up her sleeve. He wouldn't be expecting her to offer up her body. This gave the confidence she needed to strut over to him, despite the way he was sneering at her.

"Can I have a word with you please?" Alice asked.

"Sure," Caleb said.

He didn't get up from his wall.

"In private?" Alice added.

"You can say whatever you want to say in front of them," Caleb said.

His mates looked her up and down, snickering in amusement and making sly comments under their breaths. 

Alice ignored them. Their opinions didn't matter much to her at the best of times.

"I'd prefer to talk in private," Alice pushed. "Please, Caleb."

"Please, Caleb," Danny imitated her in a silly high-pitched voice, making the others laugh.

'How mature,' she thought but didn't dare say. She wasn't going to let herself be goaded into potentially pissing off Caleb.

Only Dylan remained silent, watching her with scarily intense eyes. He turned away and pulled Caleb from the wall.

"You shouldn't make a lady wait," he said.

"Whatever," Caleb huffed, throwing up his arms. "Where, then?"

Alice pointed to the disused science block at the other end of the field. There was a little ally behind the building that not many people knew about. She led him in silence, trying not to react to the stares and whispers from her peers. Being popular meant being under constant scrutiny from the rest of the student body. It sometimes felt like everybody was just waiting for her to trip up.

"So?" Caleb said, leaning up against the crumbling brick wall.

"I meant to apologise," Alice admitted. "When I asked to meet you last night."

Caleb raised an eyebrow but said nothing.

"I'm sorry," Alice said. "For being a stuck-up bitch. For calling you a scumbag. For everything. I'm sorry."

Alice felt the heat rising to her cheeks. That familiar, strange sensation returned. A mixture of humiliation and something she had trouble defining. Some uncomfortable, tingly frustration deep inside her core.

"You're only apologising because you want something from me," Caleb said.

"You're right," Alice said. She'd anticipated this line in her numerous mental run-throughs the previous night. "I'd never have apologised, even though I know I'm in the wrong, and I know you deserve one. I don't like apologising. I admit that."

"Still," Alice went on, "I am truly, sincerely sorry for the way I've acted. I'm not expecting you to believe me or forgive me, but please, please don't punish my brother for my horrible behaviour."

The heat in her cheeks had become so intense it was painful. She suspecting her face was roughly the colour of beetroot, but there was nothing she could do about it. Focusing on it only made it worse.

"Practise that little speech a few times, eh?" Caleb chuckled.

"Well... yes," Alice admitted. "But my first attempt was off the hip and that didn't exactly go down too well, so..."

"Right," Caleb laughed. 

Alice looked up at him, noticing his teeth for the first time. He had pointed incisors, like a vampire. It gave his face a cat-like quality when he opened his mouth.

"Why are you staring like that?" he asked, looking down at her with his lip curled up in disgust.

"Nothing," she muttered, feeling stupid on top of humiliated, awkward, and uncomfortable.

He made an exasperated face and went to leave.

'Shit,' Alice panicked, grabbing at his coat to stop him—one of those puffy coats with hidden pockets

"Please, Caleb, please," she begged, feeling like her face might explode with all the blood rushing to her cheeks. "Please don't do this. If you give more time, I promise I'll get the money myself."

She was sure his face transformed into a smile, just for a second, before returning to a sneer.

"Please," Alice continued. She hated to grovel, but now she'd started it seemed impossible to quit. "Please say yes. Please? Caleb? Please?"

The words spilled from her mouth, almost bringing tears of frustration to her eyes, but they made zero impact on him.

"I'll do anything," she offered in desperation.

"No, you won't," Caleb said, shaking his head in disbelief.

"I'll have sex with you," Alice blurted. It came out sounding unrefined and childish, nothing like how she'd planned.

"Yeah?" Caleb laughed. "But what's in it for me?"

Alice felt all the colour drain from her, leaving her cold.

Her mind went blank for just a second, before flooding with questions.

'What's wrong with me? Why wouldn't he want to have sex with me? Most teenage boys will have sex with anything they can get their hands on... am I so hideously repulsive?'

Coming to the conclusion that she could lose her virginity to Caleb had taken a lot of thought and reflection, but none of that pondering had involved his complete and utter rejection.

'Great,' Alice thought. 'I'm finally ready and prepared to give my virginity away and nobody wants it.' 

It was a vast overreaction—but it was how she felt. 

The pain of rejection hit her so hard she felt sick and weak at the knees, but this was never about her. She had to protect her brother. 

"You don't hate Eddy, you hate me," Alice said. She could hear her voice breaking and knew tears were close, as much as she tried to force them back. "Punish me instead."

"Are you thick?" Caleb asked.

"Huh?" Alice frowned. The question surprised her enough to put a temporary pause on her tears.

"I AM punishing you," he told her.

'It makes perfect sense,' Alice thought. He'd never worried about the money owed to him until she'd called him a scumbag. Why else would he be doing this, if not to get revenge?

In a bold move, Alice took his hand. She wasn't entirely sure why. Having deviated from her plan, she was operating purely on instinct at this point. 

'He's just a person,' Alice reasoned. 'He has to have a heart.'

The thought triggered a burst of flutters in the pit of her stomach. 

'Is this what people mean when they say they have butterflies in their tummy?' she wondered. It seemed an odd time to get them, if the romance novels were anything to go by.

She squeezed his hand and stared into his eyes, trying to seek out any kind of feeling.

With his deep-set eyes and heavy brow, she'd never noticed how blue his eyes were before. Cold, glacier blue. 

"Don't do this," Alice beseeched. "I beg you."

Something flickered in his eyes as he snickered.

"I'm begging you, Caleb... please have mercy," Alice pleaded with him in desperation, tears forming in her eyes. When she blinked, two warm, fat blobs dropped onto her chin.

"What are you going to do in return for my mercy?" Caleb asked.

"Anything," Alice was quick to reply. She meant it. She honestly did, whether he believed it or not.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

Alice nodded.

"You're going to be my slave," he pointed out, staring into her eyes with fierce scrutiny.

Alice nodded again.

"Say it," he said, his voice completely flat.

"I'll be your slave," Alice mumbled. The butterflies returned as she spoke the words, confusing her further.

"No," he shook his head. "Try again."

Alice thought for a minute, racking her brain for a solution.

"I—I am your slave?" she tried.

He smiled.

"Okay, now get on your knees and tell me what you are," he demanded. Alice figured this was meant to humiliate her, but at this point, she was beyond caring. Her face didn't move as she lowered herself to her knees, but the butterflies in her stomach were going crazy.

She stared up at him, eyes wide and pleading, praying he would go easy on her.

"I'm your slave."