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*** Becoming a mother, and having children changes you. It was hard I’m not going to lie, carrying them in my belly, giving birth, I was scared all the time, I’m still scared now. But the thought of the strengthens me. I have felt love, from my mother to my husband, but the thought of my children brings me so much joy and a kind of love that I could never fathom. I feel them in my soul, they are a part of me, my blood. And for that, I could never understand how some parents see their children as a source to gain power or an advantage. In the months I carried them in my belly, scared for the change about to be presented in my life at their birth, Mama, Eva, and Gianna practically moved in by the time they were born. Though they were here to offer my support at my behest, I found myself wanting to do it all, They were so tiny and perfect, with little fingers and toes, blue eyes that barely opened, and fragile bones and skin. My heart just melted. I wanted to do it all by myself,
Niko is leaning over Caela’s crib when I returned, he’s home early as it was just around six in the evening, he must have come in while I was still down in the kitchen. “Where is Tommy? He didn’t leave them alone did he?” I ask with a frown, shutting the door behind me, he clearly agreed to watch them for a bit and I don’t think I was gone long.“He just left” Finally, he turns to me, his hair now shorter, but even more sexy if I do say so myself. He just went out one day and came back with the new haircut, buzzed short at the sides and the back, longer at the top combed back.The new haircut gave him an edgier, sharper look, making his chiseled features more pronounced, I had caught between annoyance and glee, missing the longer strands already and how I used to run my fingers through his hair when we kissed. But the new cut suited him perfectly.“You cut your hair” I had told him that day, my fingers hovering over the buzzed side by his ear. Niko lowers his head slightly “Don’t li
I don’t put them down for bed immediately as it's still early, we head to the living room, Niko leaving me with the kids to shower and get changed, when he returns, I hop in for my own shower. With the kids fed and bathed, and Niko here to watch them, I have about an hour to myself before it is time for dinner and I intend to enjoy every last second.I take a long hot shower, allowing the heat to soak into my skin and relax my muscles. After about a solid thirty minutes, I shampoo and condition my hair, ensuring I get enough conditioner on my scalp and the ends of my hair.Finally, I rinse off and exit the shower, Slipping on a bathrobe I tie the sash loosely at my waist and get a towel for my hair. I squeeze off the excess water, wrap it around my hair, and finally dig out the creams my Mama sent over earlier. I tear off the wrap and twist off the cap, immediately, the smell of cocoa and butter assaults my senses. “Nice” I scop off a decent potion with my index and middle finger, t
“Absolutely not” is the first thing he says.My eyebrows go up in surprise.It's been a good morning, Niko headed straight into the shower, in a pair of black sweatpants, his torso gleaming with a sheen of sweat so I know he's been to the gym. I was just getting done feeding the kids when he appeared again, fully dressed for the day in another black on black suit complete with a tie. As we have breakfast I remember my friends visiting yesterday and the idea I got. Spooning some eggs and sausage onto his plate, I return the pan, after buttering up my toast and taking a bite, So I asked, “What do you think about taking the kids to the park sometime?”Npw, I blinked at his sharp retort, a frown on my face “Why not?” His eyebrow goes up like he couldn’t be bothered with answering such a ridiculous question.I say finally when he keeps looking at me "I think it’ll be nice for them to be around other kids and have fun, because they’re kids” Niko’s tipped his chin down “Sebestian son co
Though I’m annoyed at Niko and the way he handled the situation when he leaves, I go about my day, Gia and I playing with the kids before it is their nap time, and then I get to, starting with my first scheduled meeting of the day, afterward, I read through the brief put together by my team on the ongoing projects. I’m not even that upset he ordered Ivan to restrain me if I tried to take the children out, that was an empty threat, to get across how against the idea he was. If there's one thing I know for sure, is that no matter how domineering my husband can't get, he would never want another man’s hands anywhere near me. I also didn’t want the entire household to know we were having disagreements so I kept my annoyance to myself, so when I come down for dinner in the evening, I’m silent as I clear my plate, lost in my thoughts, I dont notice how quiet the room is until Tommy pokes me in the side with his elbow “what's up with you?” he had whispered the question but I'm sure the en
*** I am still annoyed over Niko's dismissal when Gianna and Anna come to visit. Anna-Lucia had just taken baby Ricko inside for a change and feeding when he began to cry. “You can youse the twins's room upstairs” I offered standing up. “No worries, I packed a bag” she demonstrates by picking up a bag I hadn’t seen just beside her chair and heaving it on her shoulder, “I just need a room” “Maria please…” I trailed off as she was already reaching to assist Anna with her bag, the both of them leaving the room together. Now I sit with Gianna, our kids playing on a laid-out blanket in front of us. “You have something on your mind” it wasn’t a question. The days fly by fast when you have much to do but I’ve been thinking. “Niko admitted his feelings to me you know” I start. She nods, it was the same day I told her of my kidnapping in Chicago, I was a bundle of emotions after things calmed down and I needed to talk to someone. Maria kept treating me like a fragile egg due to my
When the women leave, I take my children inside, editing some pictures I took with Caela on my lap, scrolling to the ones Gianna took of me and the children, I add some filters. I knew I should delete some as they were about fifty pictures altogether but they were just so cute, even the blurry ones as Caela refused to stay still long enough for capture.“See yourself baby” Taking her hand, I use it to point at the screen. Laughing when she leans forward to lick the screen. Angelo however seems to be frowning in most of the pictures, only smiling in the one I’m carrying him and Caela in one arm each and another where I’m kissing his cheeks.Blinking back some tears, I put them in a folder. Selecting a few to forward to Mama and Eva, as well as Father. I unblocked father when the children were born, a gesture in good fate as he was unable to come see them, I sent him photos instead, and after having found his contact among a long list of blocked contacts on my phone, I was a bit surprise
*** “How is she?” “Asleep” I’m a little stiff, my voice raspy from crying, my arm hurts from having to hold her up for so long, we're quiet for a moment. “Are you okay?” he makes to come in but I shake my head, and my eyes drop to the floor. “I’ll go put her in bed now.” Without a word, he steps aside, holding the door open for me, I move slowly so I don’t jostle her, Ivan and Maria must have left at Niko’s return because the hall is empty, were quiet as we go up the stairs, Niko just a few paces behind me as we walk. Take her upstairs. When I get to the nursery, the light comes on a low setting, Angel, bless his soul is sleeping away without a care in the world, arms and legs spread, I stop in front of the crib beside his, for a second, I worry about putting her down, she might wake up and continue crying from where she left off, but she’s been out for more than ten minutes now, Please God, let that be enough, I send a quick prayer before lowing slowly, my other hand coming up