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Chapter 58
“Forgive yourself?” I’ve been repeating that throughout the night and throughout the day, but I still can’t shake the disgust pooling in the pit of my stomach.
Not feeling any remorse for shooting an unarmed man, maybe I am a bully, or maybe the mafia life is rubbing off on me.
Regardless, I need to file this away. I need to focus.
~~~
“So did you find anything?” I ask Gavin the moment he picked up my call.
“Uh, hello to you too.”
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“Can you just tell me who you really are?” The question surprises even me, I didn’t even consider Gavin’s position. He has his reasons why he keeps his identity hidden. He must think I’m acting like a spoiled child, but the desire to know the truth overpowers my shame. Gavin is silent and with each passing second, my irritation grows. I need to know if I can trust him with more than just my family’s secrets. I need to know if I can trust him with myself. During the days we’ve spent together, we’ve grown closer and it may be too shameful to admit having these feelings for someone I barely know, but Gavin makes me think of a future, something I haven’t really thought about for a while. All I had waiting for me was revenge and
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“Really? That’s great. Good luck.” That’s it? Well, that’s disappointing. I kind of expected to get more of a reaction from Dante after knowing I’d met someone who can help me figure out my father’s dealings, and possibly help me after this is all over. I mean, I know he’s busy with keeping the family safe, but I thought that maybe he’d be a little bit concerned about who I talk to. But instead, he just pulls himself further and further away from me. He’s been distant lately, and I know I did nothing wrong for him to ignore me. I thought we were finally making progress with whatever relationship we had, but that progress goes down the drain. “Oh, thanks a lot,” I say, still having a hard time
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He smirks, “Hands up.” This is when I really take him in. Dante has prepared for this. He’s changed out of his usual business attire for something more comfortable. “Isn’t this a bit unfair? I ask, but I hop on my feet anyway, excited for the chance to show off what I’ve learned. “I feel like a level two- character jumping to the last boss. Aren’t I supposed to fight the minions first?” “Enough complaining. Get into position.” But there’s an amused glint in his eyes despite the hardness of his voice. I follow him, matching his stance just as how I practiced for weeks. I’m nervous but surprisingly, the rush I feel is familiar, it’s welcome and I feel myself get pumped up.
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The night is dark and cold when we finally set out. I turn to Dante, talking with Luca in hushed voices. The estate is so quiet it’s almost eerie, but the tension in the air is palpable. My heart pounds in my chest with each passing moment. The garage doors open and I watch Dante’s men file in one by one into their designated vehicles. “It’s almost time to go.” I hadn’t even noticed Dante making his way toward me. “You’re on the fourth car out, I’m in the second. Don’t be too worried, okay?” He must have noticed the fear in my eyes. “Are you sure this is going to work?”
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“You’re hurt.” I manage to sob out in between sniffles. I feel strong hands circle my upper arms, practically dragging me away from Dante. We file into the car carefully to not jostle their injuries. It’s a tight fit with two men in the back, and Adeline, Dante, and I occupying the middle seat but we made it work. “How did this happen?” I ask once we’re settled in and the car’s moving again. I’m seated in the middle with Dante to my left and Luca to my right. I can’t help but stare at Dante’s wounded leg. Luca straightens up and turns to me from the passe
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“We’re here,” Daveed announces as we pull up the garage. Adeline’s the first one out, stepping around the car to help Dante out along with Luca. To be honest, when I’d first heard the word safehouse, I’d expected a beatdown, haphazardly patched-up house, but what stands before me is the most beautiful seaside mansion. It’s still dark, but the dark brown panels are a beautiful complement to the large glass windows. “It’s chilly, we better get inside.” Adeline walks past me to open the front doors as I turn around and see Dante leaning heavily against Daveed and Luca. “I’m fine, Jean,” he says as if reading my mind. “Get inside.” The mansion is even
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Dante doesn’t arrive until hours later. “I thought I told you to rest, Jean.” His voice comes as a soft whisper in my ear, rousing me from sleep. “I was. You woke me up,” I grumble, more to myself than him. “What time is it?” “Sorry,” he mumbles into my hair as he settles in bed behind me. “It’s still early, sleep some more.” He adds, planting a soft kiss on my nape. “Jean?” Dante says so softly that it hurt. “What’s going on?” he adds, hands gently placed on my shoulder to turn me around, but it only makes me curl around myself more.
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When I say this is the longest night ever, I’m not kidding. Having only slept for maybe an hour, I wake up in the middle of the night, cold sweat making the blanket cling to my skin. For a brief moment, I panic when I wake up in an unfamiliar room, but it subsides easily when I feel Dante stir beside me. He’s still fast asleep, his chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm. I breathe in tune with him, and it works to calm my erratically beating heart. Closing my eyes, I try to fall back asleep. But each passing second doubles my anxiety. Giving up on falling back asleep, I get up carefully so as to not wake Dante. I pick up my dolphin shorts from where Dante had thrown them on the floor and the white shirt he had changed into.
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