Jude's easy acceptance of my relationship status stung. I didn't know what I had expected, some sort of fight, hesitation, anything to indicate his kiss had meant something. Jude wasn't Chet, but I had a hard time differentiating between the two when it seemed a cheap feel was all either wanted. Unfortunately, I couldn't discuss Jude with anyone, and Chet was just an ass. I could talk until I was blue in the face about the lacrosse player the girls on campus lusted after, and it wouldn't change anything about him. Sitting cross-legged on my bed, I held the phone in my hand and wondered when the shift had taken place with Jude. I'd always believed he cared about me, and I still wanted to. I just couldn't reconcile his ability to change gears and hand me off to another guy with so little fight-not that I'd given him an opening to do anything different. I flung myself back onto my pillows and let out a loud grunt. The door swung open during my anxious release, but I didn't bother to gl
"Hey," I greeted Bart.He popped a quick kiss on my lips that felt warm and good. Although I had to admit, it wasn't electric-but maybe rocking chairs and growing old wasn't about explosive moments, and instead, relied on deep-seated friendship and mutual attraction."Hey, yourself. You want to grab some dinner? I'm going to meet Jet and Todd in the cafeteria." He leaned against the doorframe.My shoulders relaxed, and I fell under the charm that captivated me anytime we were together. When I was physically in his presence, I was content, happy. Unfortunately, when he wasn't within reach, my mind wandered endlessly. For the time being, I decided to focus on the here and now. At eighteen, I didn't have to make any life-altering decisions-he asked about dinner, not marriage. "Actually, I'm starving." I grabbed my keys and then tugged a sweatshirt over my head. "I wanted to talk to you about something, anyhow." I moved past him and locked my room behind me. Bart took my hand a
The festivities were set to begin promptly at seven. Hensley was giddy over Portia bringing home a boy, Ernie appeared defensive, and I just had to sit back to watch how it played out. Neither Hensley nor Ernie mentioned a surprise of any kind; however, Hensley had made a roast, which was my favorite. It also happened to be the best thing she cooked, so I couldn't be certain it was for me and not Portia's "guest.""Do you know anything about this boy, Jude?" My foster mother had to be one of the kindest, most sincere, gentle women I'd ever known-the thought of a twenty-year-old guy being a "boy" might have made her a tad naïve, as well."I met him the day I dropped Portia off." Indifference dripped from my words and expression."And what's he like?" Her eyes were wide with anticipation. She mixed the ingredients for cookies together with her electric mixer, waiting for me to divulge the inside scoop.I hadn't committed him to memory. "Nice, I guess." I'd tried to forget him. If
When I got back to the house, Bart's car was gone, and I assumed Portia had left with him. It was late, although I didn't know what time since I hadn't grabbed my cell phone when I'd stormed out after dinner. The house was dark, and a heavy silence hung in the air. Every step I took equated to walking in water, and the tension I'd left in the house still gripped every surface and available space. The stairs might as well have been Everest, as hard as they were to climb. A chill ran down my spine that prickled my skin, taking a substantial burden with it and making every step laborious. I didn't find the atmosphere to be any different on the second floor than the first, except there was even less light to illuminate the hall without windows. It wasn't difficult to navigate the familiar path, just uncomfortable. I hadn't felt like a stranger in this house since the first day I'd arrived-now it was as though I was an intruder.After entering the second room on the left, I closed the
Waking the next morning, I'd hoped to find Portia hogging the bed and the blankets, but I found her space empty. I dreaded what I had to do and figured a shower would serve me well before facing the mess I'd created last night, although I wasn't the only one responsible for the turdshow at the manure corral. The shower ran cold while I played different scenarios in my head for how to word things with Ernie and Hensley, and I ended up deciding spontaneity would play in my favor. I never did well with anything rehearsed. By the time I made it downstairs, it was nearly eleven, and the house was relatively quiet. Portia and Hensley were nowhere to be found, and I started to wonder if this was going to be a habit of Portia's every time she came home. Ernie sat at the table with a cup of coffee and the newspaper in hand. "Hey, son." He set the paper down when I took a seat across from him."Is Hensley around?""She and Portia went shopping." Good to know she hadn't escaped under
Bart and I had exchanged several text messages, but he hadn't encourage me to come back to school early in any of them. In some weird, girly way, it hurt, and in another, it didn't bother me. I was grateful to have a couple days with my parents and Jude, even if he wasn't a barrel of laughs to be around. I hadn't gotten all the details, although I heard enough from the top of the stairs to understand that Jude had finally let go of the emotional wall he'd erected around his heart. I shouldn't have eavesdropped when I heard Ernie retelling Jude's apology to Hensley. It was wrong. I was also a nosy girl who loved the boy my parents were talking about-every teenager in America would have done the same. So, I stood still and listened to their conversation downstairs. Oddly, Ernie wasn't concerned about Jude's breakdown or the fact that he'd stayed holed up in his room all day. In fact, he thought it was the healthiest thing he'd seen from Jude since Carrie died. At that point, I didn't
I climbed into the passenger seat of Bart's Beamer as my family looked on from the front porch. Ernie and Hensley waved, but Jude stood silently with his arms crossed. His eyes never drifted from mine. I hated to leave him, knowing how much pain he was in. I worried that he'd shut back down instead of processing what had bubbled to the surface and boiled over. As I buckled my seatbelt, I gave the three of them a forced smile and mouthed "goodbye" before I faced Bart. "You know, I could have gotten a ride to school. You didn't have to drive all the way back out here. Not that I mind, I just don't want to take advantage of you." I tried to take his hand to affectionately show my appreciation, but just when I reached out, he moved it to shift gears.He focused on the road and the traffic in front of us. "That's what friends do, right?" There wasn't a hint of tension in his voice, but the use of the word "friend" sent me into high alert."Uhh, yeah. Friends." I tried to laugh it off
"Bart's going home for Christmas. It will just be me this weekend. Sorry to disappoint you.""I assure you, I'm not disappointed that your boytoy isn't joining us for the holiday." Jude huffed on the other end of the phone. "I assumed that's what couples did-spent time off together. It suits me just fine to have you home by yourself. Do you want me to pick you up from school?"I hadn't been home since Thanksgiving, and I'd only stayed Thursday and Friday before racing back to campus. "Yeah. I hate that you'll have to drive all that way just to turn around and drive home, but everyone is leaving, and no one is going that direction.""I don't mind. I'll just crank up the radio and sing at the top of my lungs for an hour. That way I won't feel cheated when you get in the car and put on your angry-girl crap.""I don't listen to crap."Jude laughed on the other end of the phone. "But you admit they're angry girls?""Maybe.""I gotta go. Hensley's hollering for me to come to di