The engine beneath me roared to life, I kicked up the bike stand and adjusted my leather jacket before leaning down and pulling back the throttle. The wind whipped my hair that hung beneath my helmet. 10 years had passed since my family’s death, I had salvaged my fathers broken down bike that he had spent years trying to get running, it purred beneath me, a reminder of him every time I went for a ride. My mothers old locket and my brothers favorite jacket were the only other tokens of my family that I found in the wreckage of my childhood home. My heart had shattered completely at the state of my old town, buildings smashed in the fight, some burned down.. I wandered through the neighborhood, silent tears on my cheeks and a rage burning and growing within me. It was outside of Jensens home that I sobbed, my friend had died and the last moments we had together left me feeling hollow. I had abandoned him.
His house had been almost completely burned down, ash still fluttering in the wind despite the fire having gone out a month before. Nico had forced me to wait before I could make the trip to prevent any lingering rogues from finding me. I had secretly hoped they would, I could pierce my jaws into their throats and bring their deaths, or I would die next to my family’s home.
I had tramped through the ashy remains of Jensens house, hoping for something, I didn’t know what, maybe that I would find him hiding in the destruction. I had wanted to scream my apology, but as I crouched in the middle of the debris, I caught the corner of a photo poking out. The edges were burnt, but you could see the two of us, his arm around my shoulder and a genuine look of joy on our faces. I clung to it on the journey home.. even 10 years later I still ached with sorrow at the sight of it and so I left it hidden in a journal where I also wrote every story I remembered of Jensen.
I sped around a corner and slowed as a gravel driveway came into view, I kept my eyes peeled for any pups playing in the yard. Leah had found her mate the day she turned 18, he was a kind man with golden curls similar to her own, and a goofy smile. She spotted me through her front window as I pulled up and parked, I waved and dismounted before hanging my helmet and heading toward her front door. She swung it open, a pup on her hip and her large pregnant belly hidden under an apron.
“Jess! I swear I can hear that bike 10 minutes before you get here” she had aged quite a bit since we met, chasing 6 little kids around all day will do that to you, but she also radiated joy.
“Don’t be so dramatic” I laughed and rubbed her belly “when is Jessie Jr making her appearance?” I had joked every pregnancy that one of her pups would be named after me, but so far no luck.
“Everett” she emphasized “will hopefully be here any day, he’s as stubborn as his father, but I may burst if he stays another week”
“If he comes out a she, I expect the name to be changed to Jessie” I reminded her for the hundredth time before grabbing a freshly baked roll off the counter.
I helped her finish cooking dinner, despite being a lousy cook, I could at least stir or remove things from the oven. She chased her kids from the kitchen and poured me some wine while we chatted. Her mate was away helping with the rogue attacks, and she was nervous he wouldn’t be home in time for the birth. I insisted on sleeping on her couch just in case, I couldn’t allow her to be alone during this time.
“Any word from Ben?” I asked as I cleared the table and she wiped her youngest two pups clean from dinner
“He told me he should be heading home tomorrow” she shrugged, “I would have thought Nico would be more understanding that punk”
“I think he’s just under a lot of stress with his birthday a few months away and the rogue war”
“Have you given more thought to his birthday?” Leah asked, not meeting my eye. The subject was touchy and I often lost my temper.
Nico was being forced to choose a mate if he didn’t meet his true mate before his 28th birthday, then he would have to give up his claim to being alpha, something he had trained for his entire life. Without any brothers to take his place, he essentially gave up the pack. I couldn’t imagine stepping down as alpha and having to submit to someone else, Nico may leave all together if that was the case. He had asked me a month ago if I would consider choosing him as a mate since I had yet to meet mine. We had both spent weeks traveling together, visiting other packs and trying to find our mates, without any luck.
“I don’t know Leah.” I bit my tongue trying not to lash out, I felt so guilty any time mates were mentioned. I had abandoned Jensen, lost him because I always thought we should wait for our true mate, never giving ourselves to anyone before then. It wasn’t necessarily an outdated tradition for wolves, we grew up hearing of the magic found in a mate, that rejection only happened to those who didn’t wait. It was so rare but when someone met their mate and was already in love with someone else, the turmoil was too risky. I loved Jensen, but never wanted to risk his heart, my own, or our future mates.. if I had given him a chance, if I hadn’t been so caught up in waiting, would I have lost him?
“Look” Leah huffed as she heaved her youngest onto her hip, “there are record high unmated wolves right now, the rogue attacks have killed so many.. a lot are going to have to choose a mate..”
She wasn’t wrong, the odds were high that Nico and I lost our mates in the wars.
“And I still think you aren’t being truthful about nothing happening on those long trips away together” she raised an eyebrow at me and I grimaced before hurrying a stack of plates to the kitchen. I could feel my blush creeping down my neck. Nico and I had been forced to share a hotel or pack room together more than a few times. Lingering touches, and a weekend spent kissing in our shared grief. But we both returned home with an unspoken agreement to never speak of the events.
Nico had filled out well, his brown hair remained shaggy but he had a thick beard to match. He was tall and muscular but had lost his lean physique, and he looked at me with those dark brown eyes like I should have been his goddess given mate. I had fluctuated between infatuation and friendship the last 10 years, always circling back to guilt over Jensen and considering I’d never be worthy of having a mate. Maybe I’d end up like my Aunt, bless her soul.
I cleaned the kitchen while Leah got her pups into bed, I spent the time considering Nico’s request, but I felt I wasn’t destined to be a Luna, I couldn’t possibly fill those shoes. If the moon goddess had wanted me for that, I would have been mated into it. Before i could finish the dishes, I felt Nico mind link the top warriors.
“Pack meeting, we will be arriving at the pack house in 2 hours”
I had climbed ranks, leaving Leah behind before she even met her mate and reduced her training. I was Gold rank 1 and part of the best in the pack, the 5 of us were the alphas direct warriors, called upon when things were urgent. I frowned, the water running but my hands still. They weren’t supposed to be back yet, my gut twisted at the implications.
Leah came scurrying into the kitchen looking nervous, “Ben said he’s on his way home”
“Yeah Nico is having us meet at the pack house”
We stared at each other, the war had been raging for 3 years now, the attacks 10 years ago were just the start and once we started fighting back against the rogues, things had gone quiet for a few years before a wave of organized attacks hit. Since then we’ve been constantly backing other packs, sending warriors to defend, or to train theirs. Our pack was the best of the best, we lost very few wolves despite having a hand in most battles during the war.
“Everything’s okay?” She asked, a crease in her forehead displaying her worry
“Hopefully some information” I shrugged, returning to the plates
“I can finish those” she said nudging me trying to take over
“Leah, I have plenty of time, you go put your feet up, you look like you’re going to pop”
I climb the steps to the pack house, I had left my bike at my aunts and walked the short distance. Nico glances up at me as I shut the door behind me and he smiles, he looks exhausted, his hair ruffled like he’s been running his fingers through it to disperse his stress. I nod at him before taking a seat while we wait for the rest of the group to show up.“Listen, we have some disturbing news..” Nico starts as the last person sits down “a rogue was captured alive in the silver dawn pack shortly after we arrived. All interrogations in the past have left us empty handed but this wolf..” his eyes get dark “we broke him”A murmur runs through our small group before he continues, “For the last 20 years this pack of rogues has been hell bent on bringing down all packs, wanting to destroy our hierarchy and bring about chaos. A large
“Fuck fuck fuck” I mutter as I toss workout clothes, pajamas, and a few outfits into my giant duffel bag, I don’t know what to expect on the trip so I pack a variety of things “fucking moon goddess and her bullshit” I’m whispering and trying to hold myself together. I feel like I can’t even breathe, I sit on the edge of my bed and bury my face into my hands, what the fuck am I going to do?‘Mm Nico isn’t bad, but he’s not mate’ Nya grumbles‘Massively fucking helpful, thanks’ I snap‘Maybe..’ She whines in pain ‘maybe mate was killed’ I almost let out a howl with her as the thought sends an ache of pain through me‘Will we be happy with Nico?’ I ask, avoiding the thought of our
Liam and Nico were stewing, we sat at the cafe near the Inn and sipped coffee after our lunch. We had been waiting on the alpha for 2 hours now, the streets were moderately busy especially for such a small looking town. I’d guess they were all finding a reason to catch a glimpse of the visitors, I wouldn’t be surprised to find someone vacuuming their porch just to have an excuse. I tapped my foot quietly, anxious for this exchange to be over, but also dreading the trip ending. I felt like there was no time to contemplate my choice on choosing Nico as a mate, but then maybe I already knew I’d have to choose him, was there really any point in dragging out the inevitable?‘Romantic’ Nya huffed in annoyance, we both wanted to wait for our mate, but at 26 with an impending war, a mating proposal, and the high possibility our true mate was dead, neither of us could really fight it.
My wounds sting considerably more in human form, I’m curled in the fetal position but push myself up to sit, drawing my legs closer to my body and wincing as my bloody feet scrape the ground. Wrapping my arms around my knees I glare at Jensen as he stands a few feet away.“Maybe it’s just you I’m always needing to run from” I spat at him“Noted” his eyes darken “but don’t be fooled kitten, I’ll always find you if I want to”I scoff at him, “I’m not the same pathetic little girl you knew” I raise my chin and he quirks an eyebrow at my position, ragged and bleeding on the forest floor“Funny, you’re still clinging to that pathetic alpha all these years later”
Having spent my entire life solely focused on being a good girl and stressing about my true mate, I finally felt like I could breathe around Nico. I felt sure in my choice of him, this whole fated mate thing was way more hyped up. Sure I was drawn to Jensen in a magnetic way, there was no denying that, his scent made my head do weird things and lit up my body, but I could definitely avoid the pull, and I would certainly be able to keep away from him when I saw him again. Nya had retreated and was locking herself away, but she would come around, the mate thing was harder for her than me. I was okay, I was hurt, but I was going to be happy if it fucking killed me..Of course fate loves to slap you when you’re feeling confident. Nico had insisted we go out for a nice dinner, dragging a hilariously awkward Liam along who pointedly refused to discuss mates and instead found any other topic, including weather, hum
The crunch of gravel fills the air as we pull into the pack house driveway, it wasn’t far from the inn but we decided against walking. Liam had begrudgingly come along, it may or may not have taken an alpha command on Nico’s part, reminding him that we came here for a reason and a little awkwardness between the pack alpha and myself was no reason to lose our heads. I had refrained from requesting to stay, not only did I want details, but I wanted to face this situation and stop running, I refused to give Jensen the satisfaction.. that and as much as I denied it to myself I couldn’t resist a chance to be around him. Damn mate bond.The pack house was beautiful in a rustic way, it backed a large lake, the moonlight shimmering off the surface of the water. The house itself was large, two story, green shudders on the windows, beautiful flowers around the foundation and trailed along the path leading
Jensen is silent for a few moments, he stares at the fire, before turning back to face us, “I was a rogue, after my pack was killed” his eyes meet mine briefly “I was a hostage who was trained, and beaten, and kept in the dark about what was going on. But about a year after they took me in, a group of us escaped, the rogues have a madness taking over, not the normal rogue behavior, but they are actually losing their minds. They seem to believe that packs have banded together with witches to wipe out all rogues.” He let out a sigh and sat back “we spent a year rescuing those we could, which is where the first of our numbers began and where we were able to piece together information. The rogues have been planning for years, this madness is some sort of disease spreading through them, it’s creating and fueling paranoia and violence. They have witches hostage, and have been creating an army, I have kept my pack as hidden as
I’m sprawled naked on the couch in the packhouse, empty bottles of liquor littering the room around me. The sun is rising to ruin my sleep, piercing my eyes and splitting my head into a deep ache.“She felt it you know” John’s voice fills the room“Felt what?” I groan“Your little tryst with Alliana” the statement stabs my swirling gut. I sit up and clutch my head in my hands, I was running on very little sleep, heavy alcohol ingestion, and raging blue balls.“Fuck, I forgot about the bond”“She was nearly sick in my car, I had the good sense to wait to bring her back to the alpha” he was disapproving, but that didn’t matter, I didn’t need his comments to know I had