02
“You’re back?” Faye looks at me like I just did something ridiculous.
I know. It’s crazy that I’m here after the scene we just did--walking out in front of my friends and crying like a baby but Harry made me come back, he said it’s his last wish from me, and I can’t say no even though my mind is saying otherwise.
“Yeah.” I smile.
“Myles, you don’t have to. I don’t want to see you hurt again like the last time.” She looks at me with concern.
“It won’t happen again, I promise. This is the last time I will let myself be stupid.” I try to laugh for her to calm down but she didn’t.
My break up with Harry was too much to take to that I didn’t eat for days and was only drinking water for the sake of staying alive. I hate that I did that but I was badly hurt and Faye was there and my mom too. I hated it when I saw her cry that made me came back to my senses.
“I’m fine. I promise.” I hold her hand tight. She nodded but still not fully convince.
My friends are looking at us--at me. Why wouldn’t they? They want something to talk to and apparently I’m a hot topic right now. I don’t even know why I can them friends, I guess I was just being modest or nice like I have always been.
I look away and look front where Harry is, greeting his guest and talking to some of the reporters. His wedding will surely be a talk of the town, he’s a known actor after all and is marrying a co-actress, they match--they are perfect for each other.
Not long after, the bride walk down the aisle and Harry is crying on the other side but while looking at him, I caught him staring at me. He immediately looks away and look at his future wife.
Many flashes, many camera, many people rooting for them. I smiled as I though about the what ifs. There wouldn’t be this many people or reporter to if we both ended up together and seeing him happy while now kissing the bride makes me happy because I think I made the right decision. I want to say that I regret everything but I can’t because I was happy in those times that we were together and I give my all, loved him too and I don’t think I was lacking at the time we spend together.
All are smiling while waiting for the bride to throw the bouquet and I don’t even know why I’m here in the crowd being part of the participants.
They were eager to catch it but I just stood up and not even interested but all gasp including me when it landed on my way. My arms are crossed and it landed in my arms perfectly.
“Picture!”
I didn’t even had the time when the bride came to my way to take a picture with me. I was shocked and unable to move, how did I ended up in this situation again?
“I can’t believe that just happen.” I don’t know if Faye finds it funny or is shock that I ended up getting the bouquet.
“Neither do I.” I mumbled.
And so yet again we’re going to their reception. I thought my missery would end in the church but here I am watching them dance while others are crying again. When will they stop crying? It’s getting into me.
Wait, is this how Faye feels when she sees me cry? I look at her, seriously looking at the newly wed but she caught my eyes.
“Are you okay?” How many times does she exactly have to ask that question? She knows the answer to that, I’m not okay because I’m here witnessing my first love dancing with his forever if that exist.
He’s happy but I’m hurting and I don’t know if I should be but I’m afraid, so afraid because I know we don’t have a chance together now that he’s with someone.
He never looked at me the way he’s looking at his wife right now and it’s breaking my heart because I’m starting to have doubts about our relationship in the past.
I heard rumors about him being with another girl while we were together but I choose to ignore it because he reassured me that I’m the only one but I know there were someone I was just blinded by my love to him that I choose to sweep it under the rug.
“We should go home. This is not doing you good.”
I know. It only broke me even more that I don’t know how to stand on my ground but I don’t want to show any weakness too even if it means that we’re staying here until this finishes.
“It’s almost dinner, it would be a shame if we wouldn’t get to try there foods.” I smiled to her.
“Myles, you don’t have stay. You don’t even need to be here. It will only ruin you more than you are now.”
“Faye relax.” I made her sit down. “I know my limits and I can still take it. I know I’m fragile about this things but trust me, this is my way of moving on from Harry. The truth it I’m closing the story between the two of us, just think of this as the last chapter of our book, okay?” She nodded.
The program was long and I was relieve that it was dinner time because that only mean it’s almost finished, the torture and the pain and I’m almost going home.
I just realize that there’s a lot of media. It’s kind of disturbing especially the bog cameras they’re holding.
The dinner was serve and I smile at Faye. “Almost.” I whispered that made her shook her head. I know she’s thinking that I’m crazy which I am but for all that worth I’m thankful that she’s always by my side.
We were both laughing when I saw a face in the dark side of the reception, he was looking at me but when I caught his eyes he hid in the darkness. I stood up and didn’t think of anything and just follow where my feet will take me. I can hear Faye’s muffled voice calling me to come back but I’m already arrive in the darkness.
He’s mad face, his serious eyes and his big figure welcomed me. I don’t know why he’s here because the last time I remember he despise Harry. And seeing him again made me remember all the memory we shared. I thought it wasn’t him but deep down I was hoping it’s him and my answers were heard because It’s him.
He looks mature compared to when we were still young. Our friendship didn’t end well and we never saw each other after that fight we had and that’s the reason why I’m in a big shock that he’s now in front of me, looking so angry.
“Asher.” I whispered. I open my mouth but no words left, I don’t know what to say and I’m overwhelmed by his presence. “W-What are you doing here?”
“I should be the one asking you that.” He crossed him arms and approach me.
“I was invited by Harry.” I want to take a step back but I would fall in the balcony so I stayed in my ground.
“Yet you came? You’re that stupid to came on his wedding?” He’s containing himself not to scream at me, maybe because someone will hear us.
“You don’t have to say that Asher. I know that already but this is my life. I wanted to see him happy.” I smiled although my tears are falling.
“Even if you’re hurting yourself?” He scoff.
“Yes, that’s how much I loved him.” I look at him straight in the eyes. I don’t know if I’m hallucinating but I saw pain while I said that. I look away as his eyes are too much to take.
“What’s stopping you from moving forward? Now that you have attended his wedding you must’ve realize that you just spend so much time hoping that you two would end up together but what did that get you? Nothing because this is bullshit! You didn’t do anything wrong, you shouldn’t be suffering like you are now.” He stops while I bit my lips. He’s right and I hated that he’s right. “Myles, move on and grow up. You’re not a kid anymore to understand that word. You’re the only one who can help yourself.” He said.
Before I could say anything he left me there, crying in the dark while taking all the words he said. His words were cruel but they were right. He’s right. How funny, I didn’t expect him to be this affected and I don’t even know why he knows I’m still hurting but one thing is for sure, he still value our friendship.
“Myles! Myles!” She found me. Sitting in the corner crying hard. She looks at me problematically. “Myles, why are you doing this?” She’s almost crying as she said and once again, I feel sorry for her.
I gasp for air as Faye hold me in her arms. I was crying so hard that I couldn’t breath.
We manage to left venue without causing disturbance. Faye drove me home still worried. She kept asking my questions but I’m not much of a talker at the moment as Asher’s word keep repeating in my head.
“Asher.” I begin. She looks at me with shock in her face, she know our friendship ended painfully. “He was there, angry because I was being stupid again.”
“Is that why you cried so hard?” She carefully asked.
“He said something that made sense. He’s right, I’m a grown-up woman I’m not a teenager who whines about breakup that happen ages ago.”
“Myles.” I can see it in her eyes, that she agree with Asher.
“I know.” I chuckle. “I should grow up and move on. I will.” I said determined.
When we arrive at my house, she was smiling and left after saying. “You can do it, you can move on. I believe in you.”
I jumped to my bed after removing my high heel shoes. I groan as I heard my phone rings.
“Mom.” She always calls to check on me. I don’t like it especially that I left the house to be independent and handle myself but she still calls me.
“Don’t be annoyed now. I just wanted to check on you.”
“You always does mom, and I’m okay.” I said annoyed.
Mom sighed and I can feel the atmosphere getting serious. “I miss how you smile before. I hate that you’ve change after that break up. Although you were a troublemaker it didn’t matter because you know what you were doing and you were happy together with your friends and that includes Asher.”
“Mom.”
“I know, I shouldn’t be mentioning him but you both were great back then sweetie. I can see that he really cares for you. I don’t know if you felt that but I did. He was a good boy to me too.”
“Why are we talking about him, mom?”
“I was just wondering how he’s doing. If he’s married and happy. I really haven’t heard of him after your fight.”
“I don’t know mom. I haven’t heard anything from him, I saw him today though.” Here we go again. I can never hide anything from my mom.
“You did? So you guys are in good terms now?”
“No, we fought again. More like he was lecturing me but that was it.”
“He still cares for you I see. I hope you’ll more of him, recolide and become friends just like before.”
My forehead creased. What does mom mean? What is she trying to imply? I don’t understand her sometimes and this is one of those times.
Asher what did you do to make my mom like this?
03“Good morning!”I’ve been skipping work for the past few days--more like a week now but I’m determine to move forward. I can do this!I’ve already began though. The reason why I’m skipping my work aside from I hate my work, I renovated my condo. Paint, new furniture and stuff. It’s like creating a new environment to me and it feels good.I also did it myself. I bought things and carry them on my car or have the other stuff delivered and my condo now feels like a home not just a place where I sleep but a homey home where I can invite Faye to send the weekend with her kids. It’s nice, I love it.I bought a dog too, yes in a spam of 1 week I did all of those things and I call my dog kimchi! And she makes me alive and active as she is super active that it’s tiring. I’m now finding the joy in my life that I decline for years and I’m trying.Some days I still cry but not as much as I cry before. It’s good progress as I’m planning to see a psychiatrist too, so I would know how to overcome
04METI sneak out of our classroom and headed to the second floor. We don’t have class, but our teacher left us with some schoolwork to do. I’ll do it later after I get a glimpse of him, just for a moment.There aren’t students in the hallway because it’s still class hours and luckily, I got to his classroom with no one noticing.“What are you doing here?”I jumped and looked at the man nervously. He’s standing next to me while I’m peaking to Harry’s classroom. He’s hands are both on his pocket while he look at me seriously. Gosh! Why is he so intimidating?I then face my body to him and cross my arms, a way of defending myself. “Nothing, just passing by.” I awkwardly laughed and try to get a glimpse of Harry’s classroom, I smile as I saw him there studying seriously.“Stop coming here, I know you have class.”I raised my eyebrows at him. How did he know I come here every now and then? He seems familiar but I don’t personally know him though. He shook his head and just left me there
05“Relax, you’re not at fault. You should not be ashamed, they should be. They’re the one who got caught.”I breath in and out as I enter the premises of the school. Everyday I look forward on seeing Harry, a glimpse of him would make my day but today is different.I don’t want to see him today. I don’t know why but I’m ashamed of facing him today even though I did not do anything wrong, I was just at that place in the wrong time but it wouldn’t be wrong if I was there and they weren’t doing anything wrong. They should do that in a private place not in school and definitely not in uniform.Wait, I thought he doesn’t do girls? He’s not into relationship I heard and nobody has seen him with a girl before that some even thought that he was gay, but they’re wrong. I can’t believe I just found something about him that should be kept.“Harry looks so good.” I gulp as I heard his name. I’m on my way to my classroom and I thought I would manage to escape him and come to think of it, I didn’t
06“Are you and Blaine together already?” I asked Faye because from the look of her face she’s texting Blaine.“No.” She replied still focus on her phone.“You like him?”She put her phone down and give her full attention to me. “I guess? He’s sweet and caring.” She is in love, from the look of her face she’s like in a paradise while talking about him.“I like him for you. He’s a good friend too.” I answer. After spending time together with them I can see that he really cares for Faye.Today is weekend and Faye likes to spend time it in our house. Her house isn’t far away to ours and she just bike to come her since she’s bored there alone. I also like that she’s here because I’m also bored, mom is working even at weekend and dad also.“OMG!” I was surprise when Faye scream.“What? Is there something wrong?” I nervously asked.“Blaine and Asher are playing basketball nearby and he asked me to come.” Her eyes twinkled and I rolled my eyes, I thought something wrong happen. “Let’s go!” S
07Is this okay? OMG! I can’t handle this right now! But I have to act like last night didn’t matter to me. Like I forgot that I humiliate myself and the fact that I close my eyes and I thought that he was going to kiss me.We’re friends and friends don’t kiss, he might be wondering by now if I like him and he knows I like Harry, OMG I’m seriously losing my mind now and I’m here in his classroom--in his seat because I have to give his the cookies, I could just leave it to Blaine but he’s not here yet and so does Asher.“Should I just leave it here?” Someone might steal this, and I don’t want others to think that I’m Asher’s secret admirer, no way. I’m just here to give the cookies as his friend, that’s it nothing more.“what’s that?” My eyes widen as Harry arrive and is now asking me about the cookies. “Are you a friend of Asher?” It’s like I forgot to speak and I only nodded to him.“Can I have some of that too?” He smiled and pointed to the cookies I’m holding.I bit my lips and wan
08 “Can I tell you something?” I asked Faye. Our class is crowded and we’re waiting for our teacher to arrive, and what happen last night is bothering me and I can’t get it out of my mind.“Is there something wrong?” She worriedly asked. “You’re spacing out.”I smile and looks at her. “I think Asher likes me.” I said that only her can hear it.She didn’t say anything and just looks at me. She didn’t look surprise, does she know from the beginning? “It shows. I though you already know but chose not to say anything.” She smiles. “Don’t you like him? He cares for you.”“I think of him as a friend.” I shook my head and play with my fingers. “and you know I already like someone else.” She nodded.The conversation was a bit hanging as our teacher arrive before I could add something to tell.The crowded room become silent and even though our teacher witness the chaos earlier she’s still smiling, like something good is about to happen, and I think I’m not the only one who witness that becaus
09I look away, I don’t want to say anything. Harry is looking at me and I look at him. “Sorry.” Harry said and get his things.“It’s fine.” I said but he didn’t hear that because he already left, not even minding the teasing of our schoolmates.Some notice what happen and immediately stop teasing me. I bit my lips and get my things.“What the heck was that?” Faye asked angrily, she’s with the boys. I didn’t answer her and look at Asher who looks angry, and looking disappointed. I’m disappointed too but I can’t control what will happen, nor does Harry.When we get of the bus some of our schoolmates are still talking about the incident and it’s making me angry and irritated because I though they’re my friends, they’re suppose to have my back but I guess I misunderstood that friendship.“Let’s forget about what happen earlier in the mean time, and enjoy our vacation. We can bad mouth Harry later.” Faye said to lighten up the mood. I nodded as a response.“I booked different for the four
10Earlier when Asher almost confess made my stomach turn, and made me run to the nearest bathroom to puke. It was humiliating as Asher followed me and he even help and hold my hair while I’m puking all the alcohol on my system.I wanted to disappear when I was done but that wasn’t the case because he help me until we get to our room, we found Faye and Blaine on the bed.I took a bath and now I’m lying on the bed perfectly still to avoid getting close to him. He’s wide awake and I can feel it because he’s lying in his back looking at me.I didn’t know how I manage to feel as sleep but good thing when I woke up there were no sign of Asher. That day, we went home early than usual as we have call the next day.“It was so fun, it’s just sad how fast we left.”As expected everyone is talking about the field trip. We didn’t really have class today but today is the first day we’ll practice for our graduation day. I’m actually very thrilled as we’ll most spend out time in the covered court.W