Chapter 4

Kate

Samuel wasn't back at home and I can't God enough for it, I didn't want him to see me like this, in a condition like this where I am mess. I don't know what I want to do and I can't believe myself and I can't believe what had happened today. I am in total shock and whole body is still shivering. 

The first thing I did was to have freshen up and have a bath. I turned on the shower and stayed beneath it for a long time letting all the touches and memories drown away with water. I still cannot forget what happened, it keeps on repeating in my mind. I finally removed my clothes and wash myself with some shampoo and soaps, cleaning myself and rubbing off the feeling of being touched.

I lied down in the bed with tears still flowing from my eyes. It was when Samuel returned almost around midnight. I wiped off my tears and pretended to sleep. He came to me and kissed my forehead, saying sorry for not being able to join me earlier today. He promised to take out some time for me and spend it with me, after which he switched off the bedside lamp and went to sleep. I was moved by his words but it didn't do much because it happens everytime, when he promises to spend time with and actually misses it. I hope and wish that he could actually keep up his promise in the future. 

I feel lonely and sad, I know we are trying hard but it isn't enough and I don't know what to do. We are drifting apart and I don't want a repeat of what had happened earlier today.

***

It was already morning and I was not able to sleep last night, all the things that had happened were continuously repeating on in my mind. His face would appear in front of me. Every time I tried to sleep I saw my face quivering in fear and terror and my consciousness would not allow it without me regretting the way it happened and the way it ended. No one ever had that affect on me to make me loose control like that. I hope I never meet him, I won't be able to look back in Samuel's eyes watching my face and the things I have done.

I was not feeling well and something was eating me inside, it maybe my guilt that was making me uncomfortable and uneasy. The sun rose outside but I was still in my bed laying down watching the ceiling unable to sleep the whole night.

After a while, I stood in my balcony watching things pass by. I didn't wanted to go back to work. I know I always rush back to my work, my office but I didn't wanted to go back at least today. Office is one of the places where I spend most of the time, where I forget my loneliness and the void that's left me helpless. 

I had a shower and had a late breakfast which was only juice because I didn't feel like eating. I just wore some casuals, took my camera and just took off. I wanted to be away and be alone for sometime. Camera and photos are the things which I really love, capturing moments. If not for the business that I run today, I would have gladly become a photographer. It is one of my passions other than my business. It gives me peace and calmness.

I didn't knew where I was going but I was moving not knowing where. I was on the outskirts of the town passing by and capturing photos of the natural beauty there, the birds, the trees and people passing by. It calms my mind when I am too stressed or when I don't have anything else to do.

It was lunch time and I decided to go someplace where it is quiet and have a lunch since I didn't have anything other than juice for my breakfast. I asked around and some of the locals around helped me find the place I was looking for. It was a quiet place away from the noise of the city. It was refreshing and beautiful. The place looked simple and pleasant. I busy taking pictures and noticing the decor done in the exterior portion of the place when I heard a melodic and cheerful laugh, it was enough to warm your insides. I couldn't help bust follow the place from where the voices were coming from. 

I went inside and saw a beautiful family having lunch together, there were cute little children whose laughter brought twinkle in their parents eyes. It was beautiful to watch them enjoying their meal, talking with each other having fun, cracking jokes and laughing. It reminded of the void within me. 

I left the place with tears in my eyes and did something which I shouldn't have done and which I knew I would regret later. The void and emptiness was too much to handle and I loosing the control of my sanity. I wanted to fill this void and would do anything regardless of the consequences. I went to the place I swear won't go. I shouldn't have went there but I wasn't thinking rationally and I knew I had to do something. I knew it was wrong but I decided otherwise....