January 1st, 2013
Morning
Damon
I woke without an alarm just past seven in the morning. A little late, at least for me. I read through the news quietly, I know I would win this morning. The French only burned eleven hundred cars this New Year’s—Sasha hates the French. She would probably mention the five hundred odd people injured by fireworks in the typically rowdy Pilipino New Year’s celebrations. The car fires, I think, are the perfect balance between humour and tragedy. Though, she would hate me making light of any tragic news. In any case, that is the whole point of the game. That and to have something to inject into small talk all day.
She stirs beside me, though I’m not hopeful she’ll wake. She’s stirred many times. She will roll over with a grunt and fall back asleep. So, I look. And there’s no harm in it. She fell asleep in my arms in the bathtub after what could have been half an hour of si
I stand quietly. Her legs wrap around my sides. Walk us into the bedroom I wish we could just call ours. Kick the door shut. Like anyone will intrude. Milo won’t. I think he’s dead. That scruffy stray. I hope he isn’t. For Sasha’s sake. In any case, I drop her down on the bed as gently as I can. She’s still got my clothes on from last night. Hair fastened at the nape of her neck. And it takes me a moment to decide what to do. I’ve got so many things I want to. But I kiss her gently. Push her shirt up over her shoulders and throw it somewhere to my left. I don’t think we’ll have much use of it. And the feeling of her fingers up in my hair and the taste of the skin all on her stomach is enough to send me over the edge. I want to cut off her clothes with a pair of kitchen scissors and just have my way with her. And I just want her to take me by the scruff of my neck and use me at her discretion. Still, my heart goes into a frenzy at the sight of her. Pink, swollen and w
January 2nd, 2013 Morning Sasha “Joel’s been asking about you.” Tami seems to have mastered the art of swinging on her newly broken chair. Of course, she would find a way to. “It’s bonkers, I’ve got Brett’s cock in my mouth and he’s talking about how his mate asks about another double date once a day.” The chair slips. She squares her hands on the table. Close call. “Excellent. Not happening.” I don’t look up. I’m well behind on paperwork. I know she’d be giving me that pathetic look, anyway. “He’s a nice bloke, Sasha.” “He tried to kill me.” At least, that’s what Damon said. “You need to get out there,” Finally, I look up. She has that pathetic look, just as I predicted. And it finally dawns on me. This whole time, she was just trying to fix me up with someone who wasn’t Bertrand. Does she really think I’m so wounded and desperate to run back to an emaciated predator? Him and wha
The guide glances over. A strange look on her face. She places a hand on my shoulder. Wants to take me outside. Where their best ones are, I’m guessing. “A couple of the younger ones are just outside; would you like to meet a few?” “Maybe later,” I shrug off her hand as politely as I can. I’m walking over before I can consider how best to not startle her. The girl doesn’t look up. I have a thing for strays. Not that this child is one. Souls who may need a little extra love. Perhaps because I know I do. “Hey…” I sit. Stiffly. My knees aren’t what they used to be. Not after years of service. I should have worn a pair of older jeans if I was going to be sat Indian style. Hindsight, I suppose. Always sharper. She looks up. Bright blue eyes. Almond shaped. Hooded. Doesn’t say a word. “Why don’t you go play?” “I’m waiting for James.” She has that huffy kid voice about her. Looks me up and down with a small frown. Stares straight back out the window. “James isn’t co
January 3rd, 2013 Almost midnight “Are you awake?” I hardly catch it. The sound of rustling sheets fills the room. Finally, I roll over. Damon has his palms squared on the edge of my bed; face lit by the streetlight coming through my unbarred bedroom window. He’s still got on his clothes from the day. But he speaks in whispers. “What are you doing?” I’m not dressed for this. I wasn’t expecting him. An old, stained pair of tracksuit pants. A baggy tee-shirt I’m almost sure was his, once upon a time. “Where’s Chloe?” “Punishing me for not letting her rearrange the living room by spending the night at her apartment,” I’m sure I feel my heart skip a beat, in the most naïve, virginal way it could. Ironically enough. This is good. I can work with this. I’m confident that in about five minutes I can have his trousers around his ankles and his cock up inside of me. Brilliant. “Why on earth are you j
January 4th, 2013 Morning I haven’t spoken to James since he was last at mine. I feel badly about that. I suppose he was right in wishing I would fight with Tami more; I’m starting to see how much she dominates my social sphere. Obsessed with her, I would be. There’s probably no nicer way to put it. I mean, she represents all I wanted to be in high school. That thin, cool blonde with all those friends and an incredibly profane Myspace. Sometime between middle of the day vodka and consoling new widows collecting their partners effects, I graduated from that snotty child who scolded her father for not understanding out secret base was invisible. I do feel that a reconciliation would ground me, if only slightly. I’m afraid I’ve got no real family. A sexual partner masquerading in my father’s room. A dead mum in a waterlogged coffin. But I’ve got a brother, out there somewhere. Stomping around in his leather jacket. Brooding f
January 5th, 2013 Midday “I think we need a redo,” When he walks back over, he knows better than to come empty-handed. A cup of steaming coffee threatens to spill with each step. A stupid, playful grin is the only warning I’ll get. I think I have a good enough idea what he’s after. I lean forward. Prop my chin up in the palm of my hand. I’m ready. “Of?” He sits on the same un-cushioned chair he did last time. The halls are quiet, Tami tapping away happily at a keyboard is the only sign of life for kilometres. It’s the palliative care ward, after all. His chair is just as disagreeable when he scoots closer. He reaches forward again, rakes the hair from my face, and I can’t help but lean in because at this point, it’s all become instinct. His lips brush mine at first. The other winding through the back of my hair. And I don’t care that we haven’t spent a moment together alone since Tuesday. That I worr
January 6th, 2013 Morning I’ve been staring through the tiny window all morning. I saw a single magpie on the way here. It tailed us in the car. Swooped down like we’d stolen its babe. Flew off into the distance like some mysterious harbinger of death. I waited for another. Even two. I think I would rather death than sorrow. At least death would put me out of my misery. Not give me another reason to want it. “I thought you might need this.” I hadn’t noticed he was even close. I’m a shotty receptionist. Damon is leant over me. His elbows on the counter. A disposable cup in his hands. “What is it?” I lift the lid. Foam. Dark foam. Coffee? “Cappuccino.” He’s smiling. He’s got to know I’m not impressed. “I know. No coffee with milk in it. Just try it, won’t you?” “Will it make you happy?” I’ve been struggling with the lid. I don’t know how the baristas get them on. “Very.” I take a
“What?” Now I just want to hide back behind him. Damon seems to know. He steps in front of me. “You can’t search her; you’ll need a female officer to.” “I can search her; I just can’t take her clothes off.” Again, with that smug smile. He claps his hands together. Peers around Damon’s shoulder to me. I was right to hope for two more magpies. “Now, shall we do it here, or do you have a more private place you would rather.” “Show me your warrant.” Damon seethes. “I was hoping you would ask.” I can see him fish into his pocket. “Finished my two-year probation yesterday.” “Did you know about this?” Suddenly, Damon turns to face me. Thrusts the card toward me. Looks a bit like a student ID in a fancy wallet if you ask me. With a stupid, god-awful photo of this git rather blow-up. “Know about what?” “He’s a detective, Sasha!” He shouldn’t be yelling that; I can only imagine the things it woul