Chapter 15: Santos

It's been two weeks since I saw her outside the apartment with that guy. That guy she was on a date with. Thinking about it still makes me feel like there's an animal clawing at my chest. It hurts so badly to know she was out with another man.

The shit of it all is it may have been the first time I actually understood the kind of hurt I made her feel. I always knew how badly I had damaged her, but I never really had anything to compare it to. I guess I couldn't really fathom how it made her feel.

I can fathom it now, and it's awful.

I went home that night and cried. No, that's not right. I wept. Like a fucking baby. I wept for the loss of my wife. I wept for the loss of my children. I wept for the loss of the life I loved. In a weird way, I wept for the loss of myself. I don't know why it didn't occur to me that I was living a weird double life. What is wrong with me that I could so easily push down the guilt every time I did it? I don't even know where to begin with fixing it, and th