Arrogance befit no man for whatever we have today, won’t be buried with us tomorrow.
~Humeyra.
HAMDAN’S P.O.V
The last messages I got from Humeyra really messed me up. I didn’t know that I meant so much to her that my death would affect her as much as she said. The poem she wrote to me still lingers in my mind as I recall my heart beating to every word that her poetry entailed. The poem goes as follows:
His
“Lost in the darkness, Shattered pieces of my broken heart, Loneliness in my soul, never thought it would heal. Then he came along. Never in million years, would I have though he would be mine? He picked up the pieces of my broken heart. He became a companion to my lonely soul. He took me by surprise. The darkest times of them all, He brought me the stars to light my path. When all I did was cry, He patiently held me in his arms. When he was not around, he would just call and listen to me runt. He doesn’t know how low I was when he picked me up. He had no clue the broken pieces he fixed .He has no idea how much of me is his .My heart belongs to him, so does my smile Even my heartbeat is now his. I pray to be his today, tomorrow and always His forever and not even death would do us part .forever his.”
For the period of time that I have known Humeyra I have come to realize that she never lies about her feelings. Recalling the first time she introduced herself, a smile formed on my lips. On that very day I realized that she was very bold and beautiful. As I interacted with her I also came to a conclusion that she is a natural leader and didn’t take well to commands. She has natural charm to her and her voice.
Maa sha Allah, she had a melodious voice that I always liked to listen to. I saw her as a friend. I didn’t like seeing her hurt. Her tears broke my heart the day I crept behind her. I was about to reject her plea but seeing her tears broke my resolve. I was brought up in a very strict Islamic environment and I knew that to follow the rule of ikhtilat, it would be better if I be her friend and support as a brother.
I always thought of marriage but then she is not my ideal choice for a spouse. It doesn’t mean I didn’t care for her. It was peculiar how much pleasure it gave me to see her smile or hear her laugh. I had a feeling that she has a lot of secrets and she looks quite weak physically. Astaghfirullah, why am I thinking of her?
I know the message I sent her would really break her heart if I am right about my assumption of her feelings for me. I know am handsome and too good for her. She doesn’t deserve me, since am better than her in religion and standard, I thought arrogantly. In that moment, I never imagined that I would regret them one day.
I sent her that message to finally get rid of her since I have been breaking a lot of rules for her something I never did till her. I decided that I should probably repent for my sins and decided to pray salatul Tawbah, an optional prayer for repentance. I felt much better after the prayer and prepared myself for bed.
Finally, I was graduating. It felt like an eternity since I saw Humeyra. Though I would never admit it to her I missed her a lot. I just shrugged it off and went for a walk before the ceremony and found myself at Humeyra’s spot. Luckily I didn’t find her there but I found her friend and roommate Aisha.
I went closer to her and gave her the salaam which she replied in a low voice. Maa sha Allah, I always admired her hayaa (shyness and a sense of modesty). She was very shy the total opposite of Humeyra. I was about to walk away since I couldn’t help but compare the two ladies when she called me by my name.
I stopped mid step and turned back to give her my attention without directly looking at her. She shyly started talking as I listened. What she told me made me have different mixed feelings that was very new for me. I was worried, confused and eager at the same time. I know you are wondering what would give me so many mixed up signals.
Let me tell you what the little shy lady asked of me. She started that Humeyra would like to see me but not in the school compound. Humeyra also requested that we meet after my graduation ceremony. This little information got me so mixed up that I was left in limbo. I wanted to see Humeyra, I realized but I was afraid to see the hurt in her eyes after the message I sent her.
I was worried and confused since she suggested we meet at a very expensive hotel in the city. Well I would grant her one wish as a friend then, I thought. I went back to my room to prepare for the ceremony as I made a short prayer that all goes well with my day and the meeting with Humeyra. Ya Humeyra what should I do about you?
CHAPTER 6: HER CONFESSIONIt’s better to have loved and lost than to have never experienced love. ~HumeyraHUMEYRA'S P.O.VI had a feeling that I would be heartbroken today. I might never see Hamdan again. For the past few days I have spent every moment missing his smile, his voice, and his wise comforting words. I miss him.I never told him about my health condition because I didn't want him to pity my condition when I confessed my love to him. I wanted him to not feel obligated to stay with me. I wanted him to stay with me simply because he wanted to stay with me as a lover and not a care giver.I prepared myself to meet the love of my life for may be the last time. I sent Aisha to him and Alhamdulillah he didn't disappoint Me., neither did she. I have come to trust A
CHAPTER 7: CONFESSION 2Love is like a two edges sword. If you master it well, it would protect you. If you hold it wrong, it will cut you. ~Humeyra.I am sorry was the first words he said to me. Those simple words broke my heart in to million pieces. He then continued smashing the already broken pieces of my heart to tiny pieces. “I am sorry Humeyra because I am not ready for marriage. I am also sorry because even if I was ready for marriage, you are not my type. I like you but as a friend, a sister.I feel that I am too good for you. You have none of the quality that am looking for in a wife. I am sorry Humeyra”. He concluded. His word made me so weak I had to hold on to the bed to not fall. I was sure I looked like a wrecked piece of art.I am really pathetic, I thought. Is this what love has reduced me to? A stupid worthless lady who was beneath the stan
CHAPTER 8: HIS REGRETYou never know how much someone meant to you until you lose them. ~ AnonymousHAMDAN’S P.O.VAs I was waiting for Humeyra in the presidential suite, I kept wondering how an 18-year-old could afford such a room. I was contemplating on different scenarios when Humeyra entered the room. Maa sha Allah. She looked particularly breathtaking in her plain abaya and black jalabib which hide her petite figure quite well. Why am I noticing that right now? Astaghfirullah.Lower your gaze man. I looked at her from the corner of my eyes and realized that she was seated rather awkwardly so I initiated the salaam which she shyly replied to. I was shocked for a moment when she was standing less
CHAPTER 9: LIFE CONTINUESSometimes life has a way of making us swallow our words. ©HumeyraWRITERS P.O.VHamdan spent a lot of money looking for Humeyra but he never found her. Occasionally, he would see her mirage like the broken glass in the sun but nothing more. Some would say that love is bitter others would deem it sweet. I call it bitter-sweet for without the pain there would be no gain. But all Hamdan and Humeyra felt currently was the pain.Many dream of a prince charming their very own Mr. Right, a knight in shining armor that would come to their aid, all the time. Humeyra was no exception for she thought Hamdan was her very own prince charming. Others dream of Cinderella their very own fallen angel with beauty and brains,
CHAPTER 10: REUNIONIt’s weird how what we fear most is what makes us who we are. It’s more bizarre how those we love most disappoint and hurt us. ©HumeyraWRITER’S P.O.V"I used to play everywhere. I was just eight I remember when I woke up every morning, all I thought of was the games I would win, the friends I would make, eating mom's delicious meals and sleeping. That was all my days were all about.I was young. Extremely innocent, free spirited like a butterfly and couldn’t harm an ant.I was fragile, young, stupid but happy. Then one day I made a wish: to grow older and stronger. I saw mummy cry and wished I was stronger to defend her.What I didn’t know then was
CHAPTER 11: HIS HEARTYou might be mighty and high today but the truth is, you will never be the best because in the same world there exists someone who is better than you are.©HumeyraHAMDAN'S P.O.VI had no idea why I wanted to please sidra, my higher religious education teacher. She was an ulamaa (scholar) something which I have not achieved yet and I was both impressed and envious. Her voice was familiar but I could not place it. She had a pleasant voice to the ears. I wonder how she sounds when she recites. I really hope she was impressed by my voice.Sidra was requested to recite for the class and I was never happier except when I saw Humeyra smile or laugh. I wanted to know how good she was to be our teacher. However, I was not prepared to hear her voice at all when she began and I stopped breathing for a minute.It felt like a De javu. A certain beauty flas
CHAPTER 12: THE LESSONSHamdan's p.o.vIt has been almost eight months since I arrived at the madrasa. Sidra and I established a routine where she taught me different sources of Islam. Within the few months of my time with sidra, I was more enchanted by her than I have ever been with anyone. She always had her signature Niqab on but not knowing what she looked like increased her appeal in my eyes.I was conflicted. My feelings were everywhere .Humeyra hunted my sleep and sidra occupied my days. I no longer knew what I wanted in this whole messed up situation. I was sure though that Humeyra won’t allow polygamy.She was the type of woman who had gherah with the people she loved.Humeyra.I miss her so much. I especially miss her voice and if I was being honest, I kept dreaming about her lips ravishing mine with her tiny hands wrapped around my neck affectionately. Astaghfirullah.
CHAPTER 13: GETTING TO KNOW HERThe pain you give, is the reward you get when you least expected. ©HumeyraHamdan’s p.o.vSidra, I know close to nothing about you but I would like to know you better. I also don’t know how you look but it doesn’t matter. Am interested in you. I admire your gait, shyness and your akhlaq.I paused. She was listening to me with her eyes on the ground. Sub hanallah.I was an armored by her. To tell you the truth, you remind me so much of a lady I love and who is dearest to my heart.She is my first love and I thought she would be my last. Am sorry for telling you about my first love but I have to since she is all I ever think of whenever I am not with you. You see, I had hurt her beyond redemption and even if I wanted to as