Chapter 1

"OH. MY. GOSH."

Agad akong napalingon sa kapatid kong si Venny na nakatingin sa akin habang nanlalaki ang mga mata at medyo nakaawang ang bibig. Basta-basta na lang syang pumasok sa kwarto ko nang wala man lang paalam kaya hindi ko napigilan ang magulat rin.

"Geez, Ven." I said as I calmed myself down. "What do you need?"

I couldn't stop the tired tone lacing my voice because I was just too exhausted; exhausted of what happened. Of the girl who saw the doodle. Of the remark Ezzio gave me. Of the drama. Heck, I was exhausted by the whole damn thing!

So, what exactly happened after I made that scene? Well, it wasn't that bad. Pinagtawanan lang naman ako ng mga kaklase ko matapos magsalita yung Martinez na 'yon. Napuno ng tawanan ang buong classroom habang nakatingin sa akin na tila naghihingalo na sa kahihiyan sa mga panahong 'yon. Mainit ang mukha, mahigpit na nakahawak sa notebook, at kagat-labing nakatingin sa nakangising si Ezzio. Imagine how pissed I was while looking at him? Parang gusto kong tapakan nang tapakan ang mukha niya para lang mabura ang malapad na ngising nakapaskil doon.

The good thing was, hindi kami binigyan ng long quiz ni Prof Ledesma. Marahil ay natuwa rin siya sa ginawa ko... napatawa rin siya ng malakas... napasaya ko siya...

But of course, binibiro ko lang ang sarili ko. The truth is, hindi kami binigyan ng long quiz ni Prof dahil automatic zero na raw kaming lahat sa quiz na 'yon. Kaya naman, oo. Hindi nga siya natuwa. At oo, labis ang sisi at reklamo ng mga kaklase ko sa'kin pagkatapos no'n.

The ride home was a lot more peaceful. Pagkauwi ko sa bahay agad akong dumiretso sa kusina para maghanap ng makakain. And then, I went straight to my room, isolating myself from the outside world. Naglubog ako sa kama. Nanood ng kahit anong palabas. Ni hindi ako gumamit ng social media dahil... okay. At some point, natatakot ako. Baka kasi...

Argh.

Trying to shake the thought off, I took in Venny's appearance. She was standing by the door, wearing her pink cotton PJ's and her cute rabbit slippers. Her wavy waist-length hair was way different from my straight one. And although her face was in shock, her soft features were all still evident— Chinky eyes. Small pointy nose. Subtle cheekbones. She got all those things from our mom. The only thing she got from our father (which was a full-blood spaniard) was the full lips, and those lips started moving when she finally decided to talk.

"Okay, my dear sister. I'm going straight to the point," she paused and took a deep breath before bursting out, "How could you not tell me you like Z Martinez?!"

A brief silence filled the room. And all I could do was blink in surprise.

Wow. My sister already knows about it and it's not even 24 hours yet. Which means...

"Sinong nagsabi sayo?"

Having heard my question, Venny only rolled her eyes and paced closer to me. She showed her phone's screen right in front of my face, and that's when I saw a tweet with the caption, "Who likes who?", attached with an edited picture of me, thinking about the grinning face of Ezzio.

"It's all over Twitter!" she shrieked dramatically, and then paused. "Well, not all over Twitter. But at least in all of LMU students' Twitter feed!"

Fuck.

Knowing that probably the whole population of La Montreal University had already heard about my great confession worsened the exhaustion I was feeling. I felt like gravity was weighing me way down the bottom of the Earth. Okay, I know I shouldn't be exaggerating things but I just couldn't help it.

"Ugh," I lied weakly on my bed and covered my face with a pillow.

This isn't happening. This isn't happening. This isn't-

"And guess what?" Venny asked and I let out a groan. Bahagyang nag-ipon ako ng lakas para sumagot man lang.

"What?" my muffled voice uttered. Once again, I heard her shriek. 

"Z even hit the 'like' button!" and then she laughed gleefully. I, on the other hand, threw the pillow away, showing my contorted expression.

As if that made things better!

Annoyed, I grabbed the phone from her. "Patingin nga!"

Tiningnan ko ulit ang tweet. In a small font, it said, 'Z, Amberrrr, and Kehlani liked this tweet'.

Nagsimula na namang kumulo ang dugo ko. Naiinis ako! Naiinis ako dahil ni-like niya pa talaga 'yon! Inis na inis ako dahil mukhang naniniwala talaga siya ngayon na gusto ko siya! Sobrang nakakainis dahil tila ba pakiramdam ko mas gumrabe pa ang bilib niya sa sarili niya dahil sa ginawa ko. Pakiramdam ko guwapong-guwapo na talaga siya sa sarili niya sa mga oras na 'to!

I gripped the phone so hard, I though I might break it. Venny noticed my rage building up so she immediately took the phone from my grasp.

"Hey, hey. Kalma lang, okay?" She said while pouting and rubbing her phone as if it was her most precious posession at para bang sinaktan ko ito.

"Why are you acting like that, anyway?" tanong niya. "'Di ba nga dapat masaya ka dahil at least, mukhang ina-acknowledge naman ni Z ang feelings mo para sa kanya?"

I winced at the idea.

Feelings? Para sa isang Ezzio Martinez?

I stared at Venny for a long, long time. She stared back, waiting for me to break the silence.

So, I did.

"I don't like him."

She gasped. Itinakip pa talaga niya ang isang kamay sa bibig niya.

"You love him?"

My eyebrows met in confusion. "What? No!"

Saang planeta niya nakuha ang ideyang 'yon?

She gasped again and said, "Don't tell me you're just obsessed with him!"

Napasimangot ako. Minsan ang hirap ding kausap ng isang 'to, e!

"Ven, hindi! What I'm trying to tell you is, I don't like him. Hindi ko gusto si Z. Wala akong 'feelings' para sa kanya. Gets mo?"

Kinlaro ko na talaga ng maayos para maintindihan niya ng husto, at mukhang naintindihan niya naman talaga dahil unti-unting nag iba ang ekspresyon niya. Realization dawned on her. After that came confusion.

"Okay..." she nodded. "But, if you don't like him, why did you..."

Oo nga naman. Sinong hindi magtataka? Sinabi ko— no, wait. Scratch that. Isinigaw ko sa buong classroom na gusto ko ang star player ng football team, tapos ngayon sasabihin kong hindi naman pala?

Hence, that was it. I just sighed and decided to tell her the whole story. Ikinwento ko sa kanya lahat. Lahat-lahat. Mula sa pag doodle ko ng pangalan ni King sa football field, hanggang sa pagtitig ko sa naaaliw na mukha ni Ezzio matapos kong isigaw ang pangalan niya.

Kahit kailan, hindi ko naisipang sabihin kay Venny ang tungkol kay King. Ganoon ka-Top Secret ang nararamdaman ko para sa kanya. Pero wala, e. Ang malas ko today. Sobrang malas to the point na parang ang buong mundo na yata ang nakakaalam sa sekreto ko.

"So, let's get this straight," Venny started. "You like King for 3 years already..."

Heck, she didn't had to mention that.

"...and you have bunch of doodles about him and his name on your notebooks..."

MOST ESPECIALLY THAT ONE. What is her problem?

"..and someone saw one of those doodles and knew about your secret, so you went crazy and started screaming that you like Z, in the middle of your AFM class?"

I smiled bitterly at her. "Wow, Ven. That was such a lovely way to sum it all up."

Nginitian niya naman ako ng matamis. "Thanks, sister."

I just rolled my eyes and waited for her to tell me more pero mukhang wala na ata siyang balak magsalita pa.

I widened my eyes at her. She gave me a 'what?' look which made me frown so much. And then she gave me an 'Oh!' look as if doon lang niya naintindihan ang ibig kong sabihin.

Tumawa siya ng bahagya. "Gusto mo ng advice?"

I continued to frown at her. Binalewala niya lang 'yon.

"Okay, then! As your beautiful sister, here's what I can say..." tumikhim siya bago nagpatuloy. "The way I see it, you only have two options."

Seryoso akong naghintay para marinig ang mga 'options' na 'yon.

"Option #1," she gestured her forefinger. "you can let people see the truth- that you don't really like Z. Pero, 'yon nga lang, iisipin nila na si King nga talaga ang gusto mo, which I'm pretty sure you don't want to happen."

I nodded slowly, taking in her words of wisdom.

"Option #2," she was now gesturing two fingers for a 'kawaii' sign, "You can let people see that you do like Z. In that way, hindi na nila maiisip pa na si King nga talaga ang gusto mo. And this is personally my fave idea because... helloooo? Siguradong mapapalapit ka kay Z niyan at malaki ang chance na-"

"Wait, wait, wait..." pagpigil ko sa kanya. She had lost me there. Tila bigla akong nalula sa mga narinig ko. Masyado siyang mabilis magsalita at parang hindi ko lang talaga matanggap ang ibig niyang sabihin.

"Do you mean to say..."

Halos hindi ko 'to maipagpatuloy. Tiningnan ko lang si Ven at nakita ko ang pagngiti niya sa akin. It was... a smile full of mischief.

"Uh-huh." she crossed her arms proudly.

"I'm saying you go out there and pretend to be head over heels for Z Martinez."