Prologue

COLE

I looked down at her beautiful face as a single tear rolled down my cheek, sitting this close to her I already felt the pain of being separated. She looked so peaceful while sleeping like a fallen angel, a princess broken by the monsters of our real world. Her pretty face was still flushed pink from our earlier activities. After the way we had made love, the intensity of it hadn’t vanished before we were attacking each other once again, like hungry animals. Every part of my body, every cell in my body had wished to gorge on her. It felt like it was my last meal before a life sentence. And I wanted to have every last morsel I could.

And now as I sat beside her, fully clothed, my whole body trembled and I didn't think I’d ever be able to overcome this feeling. This loss that I was starting to feel. It felt like it was starting to eat me from the inside. I didn't want to move from here. I didn't want to leave her behind. I didn't want to go. I wanted to hide her in my arms and stay in this bed forever. Be with her.

God, this was difficult. My fingers shook as I touched her forehead and brushed her hair back. I wanted to kiss her goodbye, I wanted to have her taste on my lips forever. But I pulled my hand back before she woke up. I licked my lips and a shuddering breath left my mouth as I whispered, “I think I lied. I have fallen for you, princess. I love you.” Another tear rolled down my cheek at the truth that I confessed, that I was refusing to accept all this time.

I think it had happened the moment I had looked into her bright blue eyes and found myself lost. I think I broke my promises to the last woman I loved the moment I kissed my broken princess. And I had been just fighting a losing battle, because now walking away from her I just wasn’t walking away without my heart but my peace and happiness too. Even though it had felt like I had lost all that before, this felt different.

Before I could give into this intense, nerve wrecking desire to stay by her side, I stood up and took a last look at her, then turned around to leave. Every step toward the bedroom door felt like I was being dragged to the depths of hell. As I grabbed the doorknob with my fingers, for a moment I froze and every cell in my body refused to move but still I knew that there was someone else waiting for me and someone else who needed me to get him.

I opened the door and stepped out.

I made way toward the bedroom that I hadn't slept in for a while and as I did I hardened myself before I picked up the things that I needed and were personal to me. This time I didn't let my mind wander or think twice as I packed a small bag. Once done, I turned away from the room where I had stayed for so long and went outside. When I reached the stairs and descended, my eyes went to the closed bedroom doors for a moment before I swallowed my emotions.

I crossed the dark living room, the only light coming from the kitchen and just when I unlocked the main door, I heard a deep voice filled with authority that I didn't want to listen. Not at this moment.

“Leaving without a goodbye, son?”

My stomach felt like it just bottomed out and when I turned around I realized that it wasn’t just a pair of one green gaze that I was dreading which was focused on me but another pair of cold greens were glaring at me too.

“Didn’t know you were a fûcking coward, Nicholas? Don't you think everyone should know that and the other secrets you're hiding before you run in the middle of the night?” Alex stood with his arms crossed across his chest, his cold eyes watching me like he was thinking how to fûck me up in the best way possible. He was the most lethal one among all the brothers, whereas everyone of the Carters behaved like hotheads; he was the one who attacked with cold precision and calculations and knew where to hit to hurt the most. “I should wake everyone and let them know what you truly are. You are not even going to meet Mad and Dom before you leave—

Jared Carter held up his hand, stopping his son’s tirade and then he walked to me. The look in his eyes made me feel like a little boy who had done something bad and was now feeling guilty when put on the spot. “I—” My throat closed up and words refused to come out.

“Do you want to really do this?” Mr Carter asked, his dark brow raised up and his green eyes solemn.

“I have to.” I whispered.

“That's not what I asked. Do you really wish to do this to her?”

I felt my eyes prickling with tears. “I don't have a choice.”

“Don't fûcking make excuses!” Alex growled and stepped toward me. “You knew what you were doing all along and still you did it. You played with her emotions even after Dad warned you, Mad and I did too.”

“Alex.” Mr Carter silenced him again and when his gaze settled on me, he said, “Cole...” He sighed, the sigh of a man who was disappointed in his son. And it felt like the worst failure of my life to stand here and not to be able to meet the eyes of this man. I respected this man more than I respected my own father. He had saved me from years of jail time and welcomed me in his home, giving me a place to lick my wounds and shelter when I was feeling cold because of all I had lost. “Wake her up. Tell her. End it if you want to do this. Don’t hurt that girl anymore, because we all know that she has been through enough.”

“I can’t.” I said gruffly, unable to meet his eyes. “I don’t want to. Because I am going to walk out with the hope that maybe one day I’ll come back for her.”

“You fûcking arsehole!” This time Alex didn’t stop as he came after me and slammed me back against the door. My eyes went upstairs, afraid to find her there. And Alex read my mind as he growled, “Scared, she will wake up and catch you in your cowardly act. What is waiting for you, Cole? Or should I ask, who?”

“Leave it, Alex. You don’t know what you’re talking about.” I replied to him, as I pushed his hands away.

“I may not know much, but it’s not because I can’t. It would take only a few phone calls or a look at the files my father has on you.” My eyes went to Mr Carter who looked like he was in a dilemma. Alex said, “But I refrained because I didn't want to breach your privacy and bring light to your secrets when you were keeping them so close to your heart.”

“Then do one more thing for me. Take care of her.” Every word felt like blades scratching inside my throat.

He smiled. His scar pulled back as he smirked down at me. You think I’ll take care of her for you.” He laughed and in a second his face turned dead serious and his eyes turned cold. “I will take care of her because I want to. And believe that, Cole, the moment you step out of this house, you'll lose her forever. And I’ll make sure of it.”

His every word hurt more than the punch he delivered afterwards and stopped only when Mr Carter pulled him back. “If you have to leave, then go. But if you decide to come back, I won’t let you near her without a reason in which I believe in.”

I nodded and hugged him. Jared Carter hugged me back tightly like I wasn’t a stray he had picked up and gave his home to live but his own son that he loved. “Take care of yourself. And I will try to take care of her. But be sure, because when you’ll return and I know you will, you won’t find her the same.” He pulled back and cupped my face, his green eyes boring into mine. “It’s never the same, boy. It might be important to leave but believe me it will change everything between you two.”

“I know.”

He patted my cheek and pushed back from me. “Go on, then.”

“You are letting him go?” Alex questioned his father, sounding bewildered.

“Let him go, Alex.” Mr Carter said, and with one last look he turned away.

A part of me wanted Alex to stop me but with disappointment written all over his face, he pushed me away and stormed out of the house. “I’ll drive you.”

I stood there frozen and looked at the house that had been home for me. I wanted to meet Mrs Carter one last time too, maybe she would stop me. And it was the reason I turned around and left. I shouldn’t be selfish, no matter how much I want to be. But there was a family that needed me more than this one.

.

VIOLET

When I woke up, my whole body felt heavy with satiation. It was the feeling that I didn’t ever want to lose. The sheets still carried the scent of our love making, making me smile as the sweet ache throbbed between my legs. I wanted to stay here in the bed but at the same time I wanted to get out of the bedroom and find him. I wanted to look into those sherry eyes and get lost in them.

I slipped out of the bed and wrapped the sheet around my nakéd body as I made my way to the bathroom. I went through my morning chores and just when I was standing under the shower, my body tingling with the memories as I relived them, caressing the red fingerprints scattered all over my person, my mind echoed with the soft deep whispered words that felt like a dream. “I think I lied. I have fallen for you, princess. I love you.”

A part of me wondered if I had really heard those words or if it was just a figment of my imagination. But another part was so sure of it that it made me hurry out of the shower to confirm it. My heart was beating so fast it almost made me trip and my whole body shook with nerves and anticipation of seeing his face. I knew one look in those sherry eyes would tell me what I wanted to know.

I quickly wore my clothes, finger combed my hair and made my way out of the bedroom. Just as I opened my bedroom door, I stopped because there with his hand up to knock on my door was standing Mr Jared Carter. He stood there, his green eyes were sombre as he looked at me. “Mr Carter...” I whispered.

“Violet, can we talk?” He said and gestured behind me to the room.

I took a step back even though I didn’t want to listen to him. Living years in captivity had taught me when something bad was about to happen and it felt like that time. It felt like whatever Mr Carter was about to tell me wouldn’t be something I’d want to listen to. Nothing good. Was it about Kiara and Dom, or something about Mrs Carter?

“How did you sleep?” He asked.

“Um... Good.” It had taken me some time but I had learned to be comfortable with talking to him like everyone else in the house. Unlike the beginning, now his intense green eyes didn’t make me uncomfortable, instead I knew that he was very protective and kept his family safe and I felt very fortunate that he considered me family.

I bundled up the sheets and pushed them up towards the headrest to make space for us to sit. Mr Carter’s green eyes looked around the room before he dragged the chair that Cole had sat on so many times, like a sentry to protect me. He pulled the chair beside the bed and sat down. Motioning at the bed, he said, “Come sit.”

I frowned, every part in my body was reluctant to sit now and my eyes went to the door looking for Cole to come. “There's no simple way to say this...” Mr Carter said, his green eyes levelling with mine. My eyes once again turned to the door and I heard him taking a deep breath before he said, “He is not coming. He left.”

I turned to him, not understanding his words. “Who left?” My words were threadbare as it felt like my throat was closing up. I must’ve heard him wrong. It can’t be what I thought he said. It’s not possible.

“Cole is gone. He is not here. He left early in—”

I didn’t stop to listen as I stood up and ran out of the bedroom. And even as I went to the next bedroom, I felt it deep in my soul that what Mr Carter said was right. That he really was... I pushed the door open to his bedroom and barged inside, everything was just as it was before and still I could feel the emptiness inside me.

“N-no. No.” I knew it to be the truth but I refused to believe it. He had said he would’ve to go but he never said he’d just wake up and leave like this. “No!!!” I screamed as pain tore through my chest and my hands fisted in the sheets. “No. No. No.”

Every breath I inhaled felt like needles in my lungs. Those pair of sherry brown eyes visualised in my mind, making my emotions go haywire. Every time when I closed my eyes, memories of him, of his touch came alive and I felt his touch on my skin, like he was just standing beside me with his arms wrapped around me. Every beat of my heart made me remember all the moments I had spent in his arms, curled into him, feeling safe from the world.

And a chasm opened up inside me when I thought about how I might never get to see him again. My hands moved on their own accord as I snatched the sheets off the bed. Threw the lamp off the side table. Opened the cupboard and pulled all the clothes down. My mind was going numb and I wasn’t aware of what I was doing. I was angry so angry. Scared. And in pain. And... I didn’t have more words to describe how I was starting to feel right now. All my emotions were a jumbled mess. It felt like my soul was screaming and at the same time my blood was burning with the anger I was feeling and turning cold because of the panic.

Strong hands grabbed my arms and pulled me up. I didn't even realize when I had dropped down to my knees in the mess of his clothes that I had thrown on the floor. I batted and scratched the hands that supported me and pulled me to the bed. Then rough fingers grabbed my face and stern green eyes came into focus. “Control yourself.” Mr Carter ordered, his face set in harsh lines. “Breathe.”

And even through my panic I recognised the authority this man carried. I opened my mouth but no words came. I took a shuddering breath in and whispered brokenly, “He’s g-gone. He just left!”

“Hush...” Mr Carter sat down beside me and without a thought I shifted closer and let him hug me. He hugged me to his side with his arm wrapped around me. He caressed my head and that was it. It broke the control I’d had over my tears and they flowed without control. “It’s not the end, sweetheart.” He said softly, his hand constantly caressing my head.

I hiccupped into his chest. It hurt so bad. Like someone stabbed me through the chest. “He didn’t even say goodbye...” I said, feeling like I meant nothing to him. “Didn’t I deserve a goodbye?”

“My sweet girl,” Mr Carter cupped my face and wiped my cheeks with his thumbs. He said, “You deserve more than anyone could ever give you. Not him and not anyone. But you, you are the only person who can make you happy and make every broken part inside you heal.”

I looked at him with blurred eyes as more tears escaped me. My lower lip trembled as I said the words that I had only thought to myself. “Do you think he didn't c-choose me because I am b-broken?”

He shook his head, his green eyes turned soft and misty. “No. Don't think that your broken pieces are your weakness. Do you think any of us aren’t?” He smiled softly, “We all are. But it doesn’t mean that it makes us any less worthy of the happiness we deserve. And you will get yours, not from anyone but from yourself. If he left, let him go. Cry if you want to. I give you every right to ruin this room however you want, fuck it up for all I care or make it into a beautiful studio and give me a chance to see your beautiful paintings, huh?”

Even though tears stained my cheeks, I gave him a wobbly smile. I wasn’t going to let this get to me. He left. He left because he wanted to. And he must’ve known last night too, why else he’d give me the night he did. And he never made promises so I shouldn’t even cry, but like I knew it the only person who’d break me down into tears would be him. He proved it.

And, Mr Carter was right. This isn’t the end. I wouldn’t let it be the end where I’d give up. I hadn’t gotten another chance at life to just give it up because he left. I won't stop living for the man who didn’t choose me. He might be the one who taught me not to be scared anymore but now I’ll learn to live for myself. I’ll do it all without him. I’ll get what I had dreamed about even without him.

“You alright?” Mr Carter asked after long minutes passed as he let me sit beside him and cry silently.

I wiped my face and nodded. “Yes. I will be.”

“Of course, you will be.” He kissed my forehead and squeezed me into another hug.

I have a family who loved me, and I wouldn’t let a man who couldn’t love me ruin the happiness of that. I’ll be happy again. And like Mr Carter said I’ll be the reason for my happiness this time. I’ll make my dreams come true without him. At least, I'll try.

.

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This book will have several time jumps.

A. Gupta