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CHAPTER 190
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Hotter Than Hell CHAPTER 191
RackShelby moves a towel next to Beth’s hip. The woman appears unfazed. “There’s string and scissors in the bag. I’m going to drop them in the boiling water and I’ll be right back.” She leaves the room with one of the bags.Beth’s cry fills the room. Her face is filled with exertion. Things are moving so fast, but I’ll never forget how beautiful she is at this moment as she brings a new life into the world. Death is cold and ugly. This is a miracle.Shelby walks back in snapping directions like a drill sergeant.“I can see the baby’s head,” Linc shouts. “Push with the next contraction and we’ll see if he’s ready to join us.”“She,” Beth yells at him.“Okay, she,” he replies with an exasperated huff.Beth’s loud panting fills the room until her fingers relax on mine. I’m so damn proud of her for hanging on this long and keeping her cool. “Oh, God, oh, God,” she cries out.“Push, Beth,” I tell her. Her response is unintelligible. Shelby runs out and returns with a bowl of steaming wate
Hotter Than Hell CHAPTER 192
BethDiapers were on the list I gave Rack. I’ve never put a diaper on a newborn or realized how hard it is. Rack watches helplessly and I can see he’s further out of his comfort zone than I am. I figure out which way the diaper goes and slide it beneath his tiny bottom. The last thing I expect is the stream of warm pee that sprays upward and soaks me. Rack hands me a towel from the stack on the edge of the bed.His lips curve up in a shameless smile. “It’s never too early to teach shooting straight.”“Thanks, I think he’s got it down,” I say with a laugh. I finish attaching the small tabs. As first diapers go it’s a disaster of slightly crooked proportions.I gaze at my son and feel such overwhelming love—lopsided diaper and all. Before giving birth I refused to consider having a boy. Now, within two hours of his arrival, I can’t imagine anything else. Linc loaned me a button shirt so I can breastfeed.I’m tired, filled with joy, and terrified in equal measures. I was protective over
Hotter Than Hell CHAPTER 193
RackI can’t sort out the rambling thoughts in my head. I know what to do with anger and aggression. I’ve handled both more times than I care to count. These thoughts are different. Watching Beth nurse the baby is the loveliest, sexiest, and most precious thing I’ve ever witnessed. Not that I’m thinking sex while watching. No. I’m thinking family, settling down, and changing my life. It’s a joke I can’t laugh about. I’ve done too many terrible things and I’m not finished. Not even close.“You’ve got it bad, brother mine,” Linc says while rocking the baby. The child I haven’t held because even thinking about it makes my stomach twist into knots. There’s this yawning hole in my heart and if I touch him I don’t know if I could ever let go.Linc is destined to be a father. He’ll be wonderful at it—a great husband, drive a minivan, and do his best, even with his job, to never miss one of his kid’s games. Our father did the same. If Linc wasn’t holding the baby, I swear I’d deck him.Yes, I
Hotter Than Hell CHAPTER 194
BethPillows are behind my back and I’m nursing my hungry son. My nipples are sore, but I don’t care. I crave this closeness and need the comfort it brings.Part of me wishes I hadn’t listened to Rack and Linc’s conversation. I’m incredibly foolish when it comes to men. It never occurred to me that Rack was anyone other than who my brother wrote me about—a good, solid man. Now I’m back to square one—in too far over my head with no way out.Rack doesn’t believe I love him. Why should he? He has no idea I see him through my brother’s eyes. Nick conveyed his respect for Rack in every email he sent. It was easy for me to fantasize and turn Rack into a mythical god. It was so easy to form a crush on the man my brother handpicked. Nick made it clear that Rack was perfect for me. Then I met Kevin, a real person and not just some fantasy guy my brother gushed over.I was angry with my brother too. Angry that he re-enlisted and returned for another tour of duty. Rebelling against Nick’s amazin
Hotter Than Hell CHAPTER 195
RackI sleep beside Beth the following two nights. We don’t speak about her future and she never mentions the sleeping arrangements. I would move to the couch if she insisted. I lie to myself by thinking it’s safer for me to be in the room with her. So much remains unsaid and maybe that’s how our relationship will end.The baby sleeps next to the bed in a bassinet. The downside is that I lay awake longer than I should thinking about what it would be like if this were really my life. A wife, a child. A dream I never imagined. I only close my eyes when I’m too exhausted to keep them open.On day four at my brother’s house, I take my throwaway cell into the backyard and sit on the steps while Daisy does his business. He’s one of the oddest looking dogs imaginable with shepherd markings and the kinky curly hair of a standard poodle. The day after we arrived, Daisy and I had a serious problem when he tried humping my leg. Linc, the ass, snickered. Shelby stopped me from pummeling my brothe
Hotter Than Hell CHAPTER 196
BethCarson is fussy. Hell, I’m fussy. I have no control and it’s like being at the ranch all over again.Rack is delivering me into the hands of a motorcycle gang. A very bad one. He didn’t pull punches when he told me who and what they are.I walk back and forth over the cool tile floor and bounce Carson against my chest.“I’ll walk with him if you need to sleep.”I turn to Shelby, who’s been nothing but wonderful. Now I’ve brought danger straight to her doorstep. “I’ll sleep in the car after we leave. I’m sure Carson will sleep then or at least I hope.” I’ve tried everything to get him to nap. Not even feeding works.She wipes the edges of her eyes. “We’ll miss you,” she says as she bends down and pets Daisy.I stop walking. “I’m so sorry, Shelby.”She stands and crosses the space between us. Her arms wrap around me and Carson. “Don’t ever be sorry, we’ll be okay. All you think about is this, sweetheart.” She pulls back and smiles “Now hand him over and let’s see if Aunt Shelby can
Hotter Than Hell CHAPTER 197
RackI know Beth is worried, but she hangs in like a trouper. I told her a little about the Crows. Two years ago their help wouldn’t be an option. Each man riding behind us has spent time in prison. None of them transitioned easily. When Dax took over as president of the club, he had just rescued a child from being sold on the black market by the man he killed to gain leadership of the club. That child is the niece of the woman Gomez fell in love with. Without Dax’s help, I’ve no doubt the child would be dead now.After Dax killed the president of the Crows, he made sweeping changes. The biggest being acceptance of the Latina woman he fell in love with and married. You toe the line and follow Dax’s rules or you become part of the Arizona desert terrain in an unmarked grave. Dax and his club might be slightly domesticated now but the way they deal with trouble is similar to Moon’s approach and I don’t see that changing.Gomez is indebted to Dax for saving Celina’s niece, and Dax is ind
Hotter Than Hell CHAPTER 198
BethI somehow get lucky and Carson sleeps the rest of the way. I’m able to doze for about an hour. Rack pulls into a fast food drive-thru the first time I complain I’m hungry. Having him take care of me has become a habit I need to break. He is a habit I need to break.I eat the fries and burger but go light on the soda because I’m hoping not to stop for another bathroom break. Living this past week without pregnancy bladder has been great and the soreness from giving birth is gone too. Shelby purchased me some jeans a size larger than I wore before becoming pregnant and I managed to slip them on before leaving today. Unfortunately, they’re still tight and it’s made for an uncomfortable drive.The scenery changes when we head through the mountains. This isn’t what I expected in Arizona. The tall pine trees and milder weather are welcome. It’s not green in the way Montana is but the beauty is undeniable. Another hour goes by and we descend from the higher elevation. Rack cranks up the
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