I must have dropped off at some point. When I woke up, the others were pottering around the fire. It was early, cold and bright. Our group was the only one in the courtyard.“Where’d the rest of them go?” I asked, worried we had missed another memo.“No idea,” said Maurice. “They were already gone when I woke up.”At least it meant we wouldn’t have to deal with any awkwardness. We got our stuff together, did our business in the bathroom — which, as expected, was a hole in the ground — and set off for the hunting grounds.We were much more confident in what we had to do, and more relaxed about it. Even Dudley joined in the conversations about who would bag the most rabbits, although he still had a habit of looking straight up when he spoke.We seemed to reach our destination a lot quicker this time, but I think familiarity with our surroundings just made it feel like that. The rabbits were waiting for us and as unimpressed with our deadly intentions as they were the day before. And
Salt. Holy shit. For one chob, we’d got a small bag of salt that would last us weeks. One pinch was enough to season a plate of food. You can keep your crack cocaine and your black tar heroin. That night’s rabbit stew blew our minds.After we ate, it became clear the other groups had moved on. Levelled up. Cleared the final boss. Found a way to Stage 2. Who knows? They were gone, and we were still here.We threw some extra logs on the fire just for the hell of it and considered our next move.“From tomorrow,” I said, “we’re really going to have to start grinding those rabbits.”“Ugh!” said Flossie. “Why?”“No,” I said. “What I mean is, we have to kill a lot more and as quickly as possible. It’s going to be a grind, like how a boring job is a grind, but it’s the best way for us to make money without too many risks. Once we can afford better equipment, we can think about hunting more rewarding beasts.”They all nodded knowingly. Two days in and they were all veterans. Sadly, rabbit
As the others sat around the fire, smiling at each other, talking freely, you could see the bonds forming between them. Loyalty, concern, affection. All beautiful symbols of friendship, and all next to useless.You might think a party who are willing to die for each other would provide a powerful advantage in a fight. But the aim isn’t to die, it’s to stay alive.What I needed from them was obedience, focus and an unwavering desire to win. Fat chance of getting those qualities out of this lot.“Get all our equipment out, I’ll be back in a minute.” If it sounds like I was talking down to them, acting like I was in charge, that’s not how it was. They did as I asked not because I was the leader, but because they had started to trust me. They hadn’t just bonded with each other, they had bonded with me as well. We were in this together. Or at least that’s how they saw it.I saw it in more practical terms. I had to tell them what to do because otherwise they might start thinking for them
I had a plan. Wait until it gets late and Grayson and his boys go off to wherever they went to at night, then ransack the shed for every secret hidden behind the curtain and in the desk drawers. Excellent plan, I think we can all agree.Unfortunately, the moment I put my head down to give my eyes a rest, I was out like a light. Whether my body was getting used to being in this place or I was just knackered, the next thing I knew, it was morning.We were woken by Grayson banging a spoon on a dish (I knew the bastard had spoons hidden somewhere!).“Good morning,” he boomed cheerfully. “Looks like it’s going to be another beautiful day. Sunshine and fresh air aplenty.”We groggily got up, faces squishy and eyes glued shut. The fire was dead, and it looked like the last two days of constant fear and anxiety had wiped us all out.“Now, I do want to remind those of you left, I and my men will be leaving today. You’ll need somewhere else to sleep, and you’ll have to take care of your oth
Running away felt good. Partly because the distance between me and the monster was getting bigger, and partly because it always feels good running downhill.You might think it was a missed opportunity. The ogre had no idea we were there, the ideal chance for a sneak attack. What a prize we might have claimed! Yeah, well, death ain’t much of a prize. The problem is, you can’t understand what it’s like to see an actual monster.Imagine if you walked into your living room and a gorilla was sitting in your favourite chair. You’d shit yourself, right? Now imagine the gorilla ten times bigger, with the face of the uncle who molested you when you were a kid, and you’re in the ballpark. Oh, you didn’t have an uncle like that? Sure, and you think I’m the one in denial.I didn’t stop till I was back in town. I zoomed around the wheatfield and didn’t slow down as I approached the buildings. Not once did I look back to see if the others were following. If they couldn’t understand basic instruct
The bunnicorn sat there, twitching slightly. The grass around the pile of shit had wilted and withered, slimy with shit that hadn’t dried out. I thought it might feel exposed out in the open with five strangers standing around. But then, the rabbits back in the meadow never gave a damn about us, and, as it turned out, neither did this one.It shook its head, pawed at the ground and then lowered its head, aiming the horn at me. It charged.With all the available targets, why it should decide I deserved to have my ankles gored, I don’t know. I guess I’m just lucky.I took a few stumbling steps backwards as it came at me, then turned and ran.“Hey, do something!” I called out to the others. They decided to offer me the absolute worst form of help: encouragement.“Run!”“Dodge left.”“Don’t let it touch you, it’s covered in shit.”The rabbits back in the meadow had been slow and listless. This thing was hyper. I headed for the taller grass, hoping I might lose it if it couldn’t see
“Shouldn’t we all go in together?” asked Claire.“No,” I said. “I’m going to have a quick look just to see what’s in there. If it’s okay, then I’ll come get the rest of you. If it isn’t, then I’ll be running when I come out. If I’m running, that’s your cue to also start running, got it?”How brave, how selfless. I planned to investigate this dark, forbidding cave alone — had I suddenly found my true hero’s heart? No. I just didn’t want them stumbling around in there, attracting attention and getting in my way when I tried to get the hell out.My intention was to literally stick my head in the cave entrance, see what was in there and see if it looked safe to investigate further, and then call the others over. Heroics would be kept to a minimum. And by minimum, I mean exactly zero.“Remember, if I run out, don’t wait to see what’s behind me, don’t ask questions or make any noise at all — get in the water and head for the island. If they can swim, at least we’ll be able to defend ours
Once I’d explained we weren’t in any immediate danger and they’d calmed down, I told them what I’d seen. I used a stick to draw a rough map in the ground, showing the layout.“That’s it?” said Maurice. “Just five rooms?”“There’s also whatever’s under the trap door. I figure the two of them used it to avoid being captured when the other mice were killed. If they have any treasure, that’s probably where they keep it. Of course, who knows what mice consider valuable? It could just be a big lump of cheese.”“Actually,” said Dudley, “mice don’t really like cheese. Bread or even chocolate works better in traps. Their love of cheese is a myth.”“Thank you for that, Dudley,” I said sarcastically. “Very interesting.”“You’re very welcome,” replied Dudley with complete sincerity.“So you want us to go in there and kill them,” said Claire. “While they’re having their dinner.”“Yes. I told you what they said. They plan to attack humans as soon as reinforcements arrive — it’s not like they’