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Chapter Forty
I don’t have an inkling on how I’d risk it.
It was awkward (for me) when I got to finally weigh the options in front of me, and recognize what I’ve been trying to avoid. It wasn’t a spur of the moment, it wasn’t even a random decision that I had to face—I knew it since then, I just never really wanted to acknowledge it.
But when you face yet another decision to make, it becomes a slap—a harsh slap of reality that you suddenly have to really choose and decide which is which.
As for me…
I’m still indecisive as ever.
I took a deep breath in and hugged my knees as I stare at the papers I’ve been arranging ever since I woke up—I had a lot to accomplish, and I only had two weeks before I move to Cambridge. I haven’t written my resignation letter, but Enrique was kind enough to let me use the remaining weeks to finish the papers I needed.
I was excited to the extent that I cou
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If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Forty One
“How’s Spain?” I was smiling ear to ear as I talk to Enrique through the phone—I couldn’t even believe how everything escalated so quickly, and I was dumb enough to send the email of my confession just when he entered the airport and not when he finally boarded. I could even imagine it already—he’d probably bombard me with calls, but I was asleep after the long drive so I’d probably see his calls the next day, almost forgetting what I sent.Yet maybe, I really wanted him to see the mail before he leaves for Spain—I wanted to see him again before I couldn’t since I was leaving for Cambridge, too.People say dating someone you’re away from just makes it hard—that was probably the main reason I couldn’t tell and decide, I knew I would just leave Brampton even if I don’t pass as a researcher in Cambridge. I’d run wherever I could just so I could finally escape… and yet as I gre
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Forty Two
It was fair enough that I didn’t stay at my dorm and decided to work at the café to pass time. The requirements I had to finish didn’t really take a lot of time to process since they were just paper works that I had to comply with. Flying to Cambridge was the easy part that I even booked a ticket beforehand so I wouldn’t think of not leaving.I still had an ounce of dignity left in me, and I didn’t want to be defined as that person who didn’t leave for Cambridge just because of a person.I mean… I suddenly find light to stay in Brampton. I could care less about their opinions of me, but even if I chose to stay, it wouldn’t just be me who’d suffer the consequences. A lot of people knew I’d go to Cambridge (thanks to my university), and if they hear the news that I was staying—it’d just stir news that Enrique stopped me.I didn’t want that.And I didn’t want to stay pitifu
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Forty Three
I couldn’t forget the long pause that enveloped us when I told Enrique that I missed him too. It wasn’t awkward… it was more of silence after letting the thought of what the other person said to you sink in mind—and then Enrique, showing another side of him, suddenly started giggling and asking if I was real.That moment—he felt like the real deal.I don’t know if has something to do with trust issues of some sort, or he just probably feels like the idea was too far-fetched since he kept on asking if he wasn’t dreaming since it felt surreal. If any, I should’ve been that person—I really shrug off the thought that Enrique was a corporate heir, and he’s a café owner who juggles with his master’s and external businesses for their company.The idea was… insane.I mean, why me? I know there are many pretty girls in his world, and it feels like I have so much more to life than just
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Forty Four
A week passed by in a hurdle, and I was dreading the D-day already, and Enrique became busier that he couldn’t call most of the time. As much as I wanted to call him first, I didn’t want to bother him at work.I miss him, but we still have our own lives. I understand how busy he is, and even when it feels lonely without his presence, I still had to understand his line of work. I didn’t want to become a nuisance, but I want to become his cheerleader.Enrique has been nothing but supportive of what I’ve always wanted to achieve in life.It’s probably my turn now to return that favor.I mean… it’s probably not a requirement—now that we just became honest with our feelings without confirming what our status would become. I told Enrique I wanted us to take it slowly but surely, yet in a way that we don’t have to hide about us from other people—they’ll know that there’s something but that&
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Forty Five
Counting the days off the calendar has probably become a habit of mine every day I wake up. I have never done this my entire life, even when I was almost graduating because it felt like it was unnecessary, or maybe because I was pretty much busy with complying with my requirements that I couldn’t really track the days anymore—and when I woke up, it was graduation day already.The anticipation for this one was different—I didn’t have a lot to do and I had too much time on my plate, so I was well aware of the days that pass by. But then, even if I knew what was bound to happen, it still felt surreal that I had to remind myself every day that it’s true, and I was not dreaming.Honestly, I knew I was scared—it felt scared thinking that I might wake up one day only to realize that it’s all just a dream and the calendar marks disappeared because, apparently, I have been daydreaming—and I’m still living paycheck after payc
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Forty Six
“If you stare at me like that, I’ll melt.” I laughed and took a sip from my strawberry milkshake and looked at him—he said that he just came from the plane, but why does he still look… good? I knew I looked bad when we got off the plane from Paris. It wasn’t because the air wasn’t good, because it was. It was just probably the natural occurrence of stress in my face.I could probably be the patron saint of stress.Enrique paused swirling on his pasta and looked at me, “Do you want to say something?”“Why are you still looking good?” I asked, almost out of it, only to realize that I said it out loud making Enrique giggle.“You know your words, huh,” he said and took a meatball from his pasta with a fork before taking a bite. “Did you miss me that much?”I frowned, “You were so busy…”Enrique smiled and leaned a little, “Because
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Forty Seven
D-day.The moment I woke up, my eyes unconsciously wandered around my dorm and searched for my luggage, only then I was able to breathe properly and erase the negativities in my mind. The thoughts were nonstop that I had to take sleeping pills yesterday just so I could take it off my mind just for a while.I should probably start therapy and counseling when I go to Cambridge. My mind’s just always in complete haywire. I don’t want to self-destruct just because of this…I sighed and stood up from my bed. I had few more hours before boarding but I still have to travel to Toronto and probably just spend the remaining hours there.I took a long bath to wake myself up since it’s going to be a long journey, besides I could only afford an economy ticket so I’ll probably stay up the entire ride instead of sleeping.The sun was high outside, yet snow has finally started to fall a few days ago. It’s freezing outside, but
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Forty Eight
I asked Enrique to stop by a certain florist on the way since I was going to buy a basket of flowers for a visit. It wasn’t really far from my place so it only took us some time before we finally got to the shop.“I already purchased so just wait for me,” I said before closing the door and jogging to the shop.“Good morning.” The florist seemed to recognize me immediately as to how she smiled so wide when she saw me. She immediately took a basket of flowers behind her and put it on top of the table.“I got your order correct, right? A mix of lavender and white,” she says as I stare at the arrangement. “I put in Asiatic lilies and alstroemeria, lavender roses, and chrysanthemums.”I smiled—my eyes almost tearing up as I touch the flowers. It was a perfect balance between lavenders and whites accented with some fresh greens—it looks so captivating that I couldn’t help but get emotional
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