" What's was that all about ?" asked Selina who fell a step behind me , her tone inquisitive .
" Maybe he is so upset that its messing with his brains " I could only offer her this , Because I knew that there was a trap in laid there , Jacob Knight won't ask me on a date for no reason because I wasn't the girl who will get the guy .
The guy I deserved was most probably someone who will work a 24 *7 job in some stupid boring company not the one who rattles my entire body senses with his gorgeous smile .
And Jacob Knight most certainly falls into the latter category , with his razor sharp jawline sharp enough to cut glass and stormy gray eyes in which a person can practically lose himself .
Selina looked at me ,as if she knew what was going on my mind but thankfully she doesn't say anything to me , good , I don't need her pity .
But down deep down , I couldn't help be disappointed at the giddiness that was enveloping my heart .
Once I reach my home , I drag myself upstairs to my room ,fighting my inner demons has sapped my energy .
I felt too tried to even think , part I wished to stop taking the high road and let myself indulge to whatever Jacob has to offer , part I knew that it was wrong , He has made my life in highschool hell from the past two years and I shouldn't ever think about being in such close proximity with him .
" He was joking ; He didn't mean it and you will be a nice little joke if you fall for his tricks " I repeated this mantra over and over again , to stop the monster roaring within .
Once I used to look down on those girls who's eyes will shine with little hearts in them , I rolled my eyes when they claimed they lost their control whenever a cute guy was around and therefore , it was sensible enough for them to make dumb decision .
Turns out I was just like them .
I can still feel it .
His warmth
His breath
His nearness
God. Get a grip .
Turns out Karma really did slap one in the face , For two years , Two years I have been fighting my inner self, repeating it over and over again ; that I didn't like Jacob , nor did I enjoyed the forceful he planted on my lips , on our first encounter .
But
Karma did me good , being this close to him once , rattled me so badly that I could still hear my heart thumping and I cannot lock my new found awareness about my feelings for Jacob into the darkness of my head as if they don't exist .
I liked him , I fucking Liked him .
" God , I'm screwed " I buried my face in my hands, I couldn't understand why , just why , why it has to be him ? Just why did my first crush has to be on that guy?
I ate three meals a day
He was someone who counts his calories
I wanted a stable life
He was unpredictable
I had nothing to offer
He had everything .
I felt raw undiluted fear , it was as if someone has stripped me naked , leaving my insecurities to unravel themselves .Its a struggle to breath, how am I supposed to act now, ?
I let my backpack drop on the floor with a' bam', pressing the play button on my phone ; I fill the void in my space .
Tears barge into my eyes as I snuggle into my bed covers , I didn't dare to think about my feelings or Jacob anymore. I knew how this was going to end , Guys like him , do not settle for a girl like me , what am I supposed to do ? Go along with whatever he might be planning for the sake of a night pleasure ? Because that's all he will ever want for me, Guys like him goes for girl like Anna ; with barely any fat covering their body and I wasn't desperate enough to let him ruin me like that .
That's right .
He might have been successful in getting inside a teeny tiny part of my heart but it was all upto me , How I take care of these unwanted feelings ,Jacob might rule me the entire student body but he won't be ruling me much less my heart .
Today , Just today , I will let my heart cry all it wants for a love it can never have and by tomorrow I will hold head high again , burying my feelings deep where they belong .
I close my eyes and let my tears loose for the love that didn't even get a chance .
I startle awake .
Heat smothering my body , hair sticking to my face and my breast tightening against my shirt .
and that wasn't all .
My hand was resting in between my legs and I felt something sticky on it ...I .. was ..wet .
I sit up straight , jerking my hand away .
I didn't even remember what I was supposed to be dreaming about .Why ..what was this reaction ?
I was thankful that I didn't turn the lights on in my room or else I would have seen my face turning red in humiliation.
Parting my lips , I lick my lips wet .
Everything about this should feel wrong but it doesn't infact I'm even surprise to feel the sudden passion rising and falling inside my body .
My heart pounds with nerves and pleasure .
I'm petrified and ashamed.
Its said that dreams shows what a person desires unconsciously but I'm too embarrassed to accept my shameful arousal, the dream was nothing but vague mist but I knew who and what I was dreaming about .
But I wasn't going to admit to it and there is no way
in hell I'm gonna do it with Jacob.
It was better for me to bury this along with my feelings as well .
Jacob Knight was a depraved bully and no way in hell will I be letting myself indulge in carnal sin.
In the morning I woke up refreshed, my heart a bit at ease .Even though I kept recalling yesterday for the entire night and finally came to conclusion of ' Let's just forget whatever happened ' because I had no other choice , not against who shall not be called by his anymore .After a very serious pep talk with myself , I decided that no one - including ,-The one will break me .My father abandoning us didn't and neither will Jacob . I had enough and I wasn't going to play along with him not now , not ever .I drove to my school , nerves jangling but still stride inside the school with my head held high .The cat calls of ' Bella the Waddington ' starts but I ignore them , they were no
By the time I'm out of class and down the corridor,far away from Jacob and his sadism , the adrenalin washes away , and my smile slowly dims as I just realised what in the frickity frick I just did .I kicked Jacob Knight .I kicked Jacob fucking Knight in his fucking balls .I groan . I crouch down hiding my face in my hands and groan out , what was wrong with me , that guy was a fucking psycho and I had a first class experience of it , when he set me against the odds and it was when I only slapped him , now what will happen to me , with me kicking him in his balls ?My hands are sweaty , I can feel that much against my face .I'm still busy with the aftermaths of my adrenalin rush but then I hear voices coming out from not too far away and from the sound of it , It looks like a lovers quarrel .Not wanting to trespass on something so private , I rise bu
Jacob starts to walk in our direction but Conan grips his wrist, and with a shake of his head stops Jacob from coming at us .I'm thankful to him even though he made my best friend cry . I had enough on my plate with Ron throwing me together with him down the bus , And wasn't sure if I wanted to have Jacob thrown into the loop as well . It was funny how , I was so scared of him when considering how I once stood my grounds against him .People cat calls behind me as I help Ron into one of the desk , right in front of me . But thankfully, the sweet lord above me has finally gotten bored of putting me up for this shit , as Mr .Hussain walks right into class silencing everyone with his glare .I take the seat behind Ron's and hope for this period to pass as peacefully as it can but then , a shadow very much like the devil looms over my head , I didn't even need to raise my head to know who it was as Jacob's citrusy scen
Jacob brings me to the boys locker room .I know I shouldn't be there , all alone with him but considering how he had ignored all my calls about talking right out in the football field .I knew I had no choice ." Inside, Princess " he opens the door to the locker room and motions with his hands for me to enter it first, I shouldn't have , instead I should have taken a turn and ran away from him . But the stupid moron , I was , I walk right into the tiger's den .The locker room smell exactly as I imagined it will , the overpowering smell of sweat and musk with a twinge of something odd invades my nostrils the second I enter the locker room.Jacob follows after me and I hear a familiar click of as in ' door clicking shut ' click . I don't think he will shut the door , Jacob, himself had once said that there was no way he will be interested in chubby chicks like me , if that was the case I don't
BellaHave you ever been whacked by a baseball bat ? Because that's how I was feeling right now . It was as if someone has just sledgedhammered me.My mind was blank , my heart was dancing conga and my legs ? They were just numb . Clutching Jacob's shirt , I slid down the floor of the locker room , considering my slight mysophobia , my arms should have broken down with goosebumps but right now I was much too entangled with the shit that just went down with Jacob .The indecipherable look Jacob just threw my way had my breath go shaky , my hands were trembling and I was barely holding on to my rationality .When I walked inside the locker room letting Jacob have the leverage to corner me like he just did , I wanted freaking answers to my questions . I wanted to know why he made me the school's punching bag and why was he being so difficult to understand , what was wit
Jacob" Do you really want to do this ?"My best friend really need to change his annoying habit of pestering me when I am not in the mood of being pestered by his nonsensical nonsense .You would think that after getting punched in the face would have stopped him from nosing in my business , but evidently not ." What do you mean by ' I want to do this ?" I glare at him , straightening up my jerseyHe leans on the hood of my Lexus and crossed his arms over his chest , I had this sudden urge to kick the annoying bastard of my hood but I didn't or more like I couldn't . Conan was the captain of the team , if I so much as touched him , I might find my ass stuck on the bleachers for the rest of the season.And that's not good for me , not being everyone 's golden boy .
BellaBy the time I'm finished dumping the tattered letter jacket that belonged to my ' awesomely ' awesome brother in the trash bin behind the bar where I worked , my nerves were still taut and I had my anxiety rolling high on whatever shit Jacob fed me .You would think that being trapped inside the boy's locker room for almost an hour would have set my mind ringing with alarm in full blast but maybe I was too high on adrenaline these days , as not only did I stole my brother's letter jacket while the guys were showering , I even had this sudden urge to key Jacob's obnoxious Lexus .But as I was late for my work , I had to give up on the idea of keying a certain someone's car . That didn't mean that my temper got better or I was no longer pissed , that would explain all those stabbing holes in my brother's jacket ." Feeling alright? " asked Mr Z , as I head in the
JacobThe moment my consiousness returned I wasn't surprised at finding Anna's arms wrapped around my waist like some freaking octopus . Disentangling , her arms , I got off the bed and started searching for my clothes ignoring the throbbing of my head .I don't even know when she dragged me into her room and I barely suppressed the groan of irritation that was lodged in my throat ..After what happened at Conan 's I should have learnt my lesson of never getting drunk as hell .But after what happened with Bella , Annabeth , Helena and all the shit fucking motherfuckers that I knew off , I needed some sort of stress relief .I looked at Anna who was sleeping soundly on the bed and this time I groaned out .I just kinda confessed to little bible princess this morning and fucked another girl at night .