"It’s done,” Chris said as he removed the gloves and wiped the finished tattoo. As he asked a while ago the meaning behind the tattoo, I did not answer – just to piss him off and show him I could be mysterious as hell too. The anchor did not symbolize strength for me to stand against and be strong on the surge of problems, rather, it signifies to stay still for me. To just wait and see whatever happens in this storm, in this chaos, to be just stagnant. Effed up as it may seem but what else could I do in this mentality of mine? I’m tired sailing across only to find an endless sea. Chris made the anchor look a lot better than the first time he drew it on paper, it’s simple, clear, and just sits perfectly on my arms. He’s a bit of an artist, incredibly rich, and just a person who knows a lot of things and a lot of places. Chris is just sitting in front of me looking at the tattoo of mine that he did, “what? Do you want one too? Maybe I could put one on you too?” I asked with sarcasm
The people did not bother us. It’s not hard to convince Chris to help me clean up the whole place. We started from one side, stacking the stuff on the other side and then started wiping off the dust and sweeping the floor. Since we have a broom, dust pan, and feather duster, in the camper van, it was easy. It was a surprise for most people that are coming inside, they are even asking if they should just go back later on if they would be an inconvenience for us but we said no of course. “Take it over there,” turo kay Chris. He’s lifting all the objects while I am sweeping the floor and dusting everything. We’ve found even more strange objects like an ancient compass, a bone of something, corkscrew, and even dentures. It’s kinda gross but it made me laugh at how weird people really are. Later on a child came near us, wanting to lend a hand. “My mom told me it would be easier for someone’s work to be done if there are many people helping.” She has a sweet voice, has cute chubby cheeks
Chris was bluffing when he said it’s just a ‘casual’ date. First, he asked me to dress up which I stupidly obeyed. Second, he asked me to wait for him because he would fetch me up instead of us meeting at a certain place. He did not even tell me where we were going. I looked at myself in the mirror for the last time. The white three-fourths sleeved lace dress is hugging my body nicely. It suits me well and even though Elvira is two decades older than me, we just have the same body built. She really maintained her figure. I wish I would be the same, but I don’t know if I could carry on until the next decade. So I’ll never know that. My green hair matches the dress and it’s outstanding, I look so alive that no one would ever notice what’s going on inside my head. I told Frances that we met old Adam and he accompanied us on one of our destinations. She cried at me, asking about him since they lost communication. I can’t tell if she still loves him, or if she regrets not accepting hi
I was embraced by strong arms. I was held like a delicate figurine, hugging me with full care and affection. He’s gently stroking my hair, calming me down. “I don’t understand any of this at all.” That’s the truth. I cannot even understand myself anymore. Why am I being this frail and stupid. I was silently hoping for better days yet I kept circling back to days like this. Paulit-ulit na lang. At paulit-ulit na lang akong sumasagot na gusto ko ng tapusin lahat ng ‘to. I wanted something but I am also the one who keeps on pushing it away. He whispered softly to my ears, “you don’t have to understand, you just have to trust me.” My tears were streaming down his polo. The soft grass beneath us, the plain night sky, these unending questions inside my mind were accompanying us. “How can I trust you, I don’t even know you and… how the hell did you even know me?” I said, almost a whisper I think he could barely hear. “Just.. Please trust me.” He hugged me tightly, now making me feel
I made my way outside and saw him sitting at the bench in front of Frances’ house, he immediately stood up and gave me a strawberry flavored ice cream. I raised my left eyebrow, “if you’re here to be mysterious and tell me a bunch of vague things, just leave already. I already called Patricia and asked her to fetch me here.” It was an obvious lie, I wouldn’t bother Patricia anymore. I am planning to end things here. Dadalhin ko na lang sa kamatayan ko lahat ng tanong na gumugulo sa akin, bahala na. “The kiss, it happened.” And just like that another series of questions were queued inside my mind. Ever wanted to hear something from someone but when they tell it straight to yourself, you couldn’t believe it? “The kiss. You’re not hallucinating. It’s not an imagination or an effect of the drug.” I definitely look weird right now. My hair is half-braid, I probably look like a Christmas tree with all the hair clips that Fana put on me, and my make-up – I did not see myself in a mirror
His lips were soft and I could taste a hint of mint and cigar in his mouth. He held my hands and took the camera away from me, putting it on the bedside table without pulling away from the kiss. His lips. It’s intoxicating. It makes my mind go blank and just focus on what we’re doing. It feels exactly the same when he kisses me at the bar. Passionate, full of emotions, longing. “Now I have your attention.” He said as he moved away from me. I was dumbfounded. I even touched my lips to feel it only to realize that this is really happening. “What the hell was that for?” I wanted to slap him, to curse him, to say a lot of bad things to him. But I was still in shock. And my lips responded to him. It responded to his kiss. “What the hell are you doing to me?” Napaupo ako sa kama. I feel so weak and fragile. Much more than I’ve ever felt before. “Tell me that I am just hallucinating.” It wasn’t such a big deal. But it was for me. And I am hating myself for that. “Leira,” he looked at
My voice echoed in every corner of the mansion. There were no other people except a few maids that were almost done cleaning up the mess from the party and some bodyguards. My mom immediately slapped me, “when did you even learn to say such things?!” She was fuming mad. I felt like my face went numb because of what she did but I endured it – I endured a bunch of things from her, this is just a small thing. And the numbness I am feeling right now is the same numbness I was feeling even before and I’ve only realized it now. I have the courage to stand in front of them and shout at them, maybe because of the alcohol or maybe because I’ve kept it for so long that it just piled up. And things that are piled up, like a volcano – would just erupt. You never know when, it would just all come out when it found a way out. I rolled my eyes, which made my mom even agitated. “What? You’re going to hit me again? Why don’t you start whipping me here for your damn discipline?!” I smirked at her. I
I told myself that somehow, I could manage all of the things on my own. I believe I could carry it all by myself – because I have no one beside me. No matter how much Patricia made me feel that I am not alone, I always end up thinking that I am. That I am just a burden for her, that sharing my misery with her is selfishness. Mang Felicito shot my mom. It was the start of a very long night for all of us at that house. The start of my never ending blame to myself. No matter how much I think about it, I always end up thinking it’s all my fault. “Hush.” Chris and I were laying down on the bed. I couldn’t sleep after dreaming about that night and so he told me that he would stay with me and hush me down until I am able to sleep. It’s past 11 in the evening, we’re somewhere near a restaurant in a rented parking space. Never have I ever felt at peace and safe in someone’s arm. It was different from whenever Patricia is trying to calm me. “If you knew me already, why did you ask for my