Chapter 39

One Year Later

I replay the events that unfolded in my father's mansion every day, usually in the form of nightmares that haunt me at night. There are so many things that I could have done differently that day, ways of how I could have saved Ryan.

It hurts remembering him. I can no longer visualize precisely how his face looked like, but I can remember how he made me feel, which usually ends up with me in tears.

Most of the time, I cry alone inside my room and pretend that rush of hurt and pain never hit me like a wave when I walk out to the others, even if I know that everyone living inside this mansion is aware of my pain.

"He is still alive. It's Ryan we are talking about," Zoya has told me plenty of times with her hand on my back. "Killing him is like trying to get to a cockroach—they always survive."

I pray that she is right.

For the past months, I've been searching for Ryan everywhere. I hunt for materials and food every day. I'm