Andres.Warmth hits my veins like sex after a long, agonizing dry spell. I take a breath, feeling the air rush through my lungs. Is it my imagination or is the air newer, fresher than the dank shit that was in here only moments ago? I sip at it like a man starving and lean back in the lounge chair, draping my arms over the side. I look at my left arm, at the needle sticking straight out from the vein. I think about reaching over to flick the used needle away, but my eyes catch on the tattoos surrounding the metal prick.Luna.Her name is a swirl of colour in the bleak wasteland of cartel tats that proclaim my place, my superiority within the organization run by family. Los Zetas. The most feared cartel in Mexico and beyond. And I am among the elite within this vast army of underworld thugs. These marks upon my body are trophies of war, my right of passage. Lost innocence. Except for Luna. The one mark I had written over and over; on my arms, my legs, my neck and over my heart. M
"Mama, when are we going home?"I stop, my hand on the light switch. I take a breath and look over my shoulder at my four-year-old son, such a miniature replica of his father that my heart aches. Except this time, instead of a happy ache I feel an agonizing wrench. I blink back the tears, not wanting him to see my distress, and try to find my voice."We might stay here for a while, cari?o," I tell him, keeping my voice steady. "I'm not sure yet." It depends on whether or not your papá can find us. I go back to the bed and give him an extra kiss, pressing his small body against mine, absorbing his warmth and taking in his unique babyish scent, grateful he hasn't lost it yet. Soon he'll be bigger, will not want his mama to hold him so close and embarrass him with affection. Then I will have to settle for showering his younger sister with my love. I press my lips against his forehead and help him snuggle back under the blankets."I miss papá," he says sleepily, smothering a yawn agai
I knew he would call, and I knew that this moment would come. That I would only be able to answer this phone once. The ringing stops before I can pick up. But I know my husband. He's a persistent bastard. He has now returned home to an empty house, no family, no note. He will give me this one opportunity to explain before he starts tearing the world up to find us.I take the three steps that bring me to the counter and stare down at the silver phone. Untraceable he once told me. In case there was ever a threat to the family and I needed to disappear. I was to take this phone so Andres could connect when it was safe to do so. He never imagined he would be calling the phone for this reason.It starts ringing again and I reach out with trembling fingers, wincing as pain from the burn shoots through my wrist. I feel dizzy at the coming confrontation. I pick up the phone, press the little green button and set it against my ear. "Andres," I whisper, my voice weak and wobbly to my ears."Y
Betrayal churns in my gut as I stare down at the phone, disbelief still my strongest emotion. How is it possible that Luna, my rock, my only love, could leave me? Not just leave but take my children with her. Fury wells up once more. I pick up the phone and hurl it, uncaring that it smashes against our stainless steel refrigerator and falls to the floor in pieces. I know Luna well enough to know that she won't answer the sister phone again. She's said her piece, explained her betrayal. Weak as it was. My fingers clench into fists and I know if she were standing in front of me I would snap her neck without a shred of remorse. I would tear her body to pieces with my bare hands and feed her to the dogs. I've spent years defending her selfish, reckless behaviours. But this… this cannot be explained away. This will be her final act. If she is running away because she fears the darkness, the monster, then she better be ready, because she's seen nothing yet. When I get my hands on her, she
It's been three days since my conversation with Andres. I try to settle into a routine with the children, try to show them the Havana that I love, but I can't help but look over my shoulder every five minutes. If I'm honest with myself, I know it's just a matter of time before Andres finds me. He has connections, he has motivation and he won't stop until his children are safe at the Los Zetas site once more. And I'm punished for daring to remove them, and myself, from his life.I adjust my oversize sunglasses and glance around surreptitiously. We're visiting the Plaza Vieja in Old Havana. Nothing compares to the old cobbled streets and restored buildings of Old Havana. Although Sola is still too young to appreciate the sights, Cristo is intelligent and I want my children to soak up as much history as possible. Perhaps come to understand both the allure and the harm of a regime under a dictatorship. No one suspicious catches my eye. Except for Pedro. That asshole has been trailing us e
I turn the stove element off and pour hot water over my teabag. I set the teacup aside, leaving it untouched for now. With a sigh of disgust I move to the back door, unlocking it and stepping out into the dark night. Acrid smoke immediately assails my nostrils, telling me that Pedro is stalking the yard. Though I hate the idea that he might have been watching me through the sliding glass door, I'm grateful that I don't have to seek him out in the confines of the small shack he inhabits."Pedro?" I say hesitantly. I may be able to smell him, but I can't see him. I pull my long, thick mane of hair off my neck and look around, searching the darkness.I jump as he steps into the slight glow cast from the kitchen light."Se?ora Decena," he drawls.My hackles rise immediately. Since our arrival in Cuba, every word out of this man's mouth has taken on a disrespectful tone. I want to verbally slap him in a way that only Luna Decena is capable of, but he's a half foot taller than me and pro
I don't often smoke, but the occasion seems to call for it and Pedro is kind enough to leave a pack and a lighter out for me. Since I quit using heroin my cravings for other substances has increased; the need to take myself out of certain situations paramount. This isn't one of those situations. I want to be here, in the moment, enjoying every moan of pain, every drop of blood spilled. This man will learn what happens when my family is taken from me. Unfortunately, he won't live long enough to tell others not to fuck with me and mine.I inhale deeply, savouring the sensation as it fills my lungs, burning in the way only an ex-smoker can appreciate. I'm sitting in a chair, in the corner of his room. I haven't bothered to be quiet, but he still hasn't woken, the man who has betrayed me. This annoys me. If a man must go to his death he should wake up and do it on his feet, face me like a man. I stub the cigarette out in the ashtray and stand. I flip the light on and approach the bed, giv
I can't sleep.I roll over onto my side and punch one of the extra pillows pulling it against my stomach. I think about going out to the kitchen for a shot or two of the Cuban rum I picked up in Havana today, but I fear that Pedro will see the light and think it is an invitation to come inside for a visit. I turn over again and sigh, staring at the faint light in the hall. I've been leaving the washroom light on with the door partially closed as a makeshift nightlight for the children. So far neither of them have needed to get up in the night. My little darlings have always been amazing sleepers, like their father. Unlike their mama.I roll over again, turning my back to the hallway, and hug the pillow tight against me. I close my eyes. Andres immediately fills my mind, his dark, tattooed body stalking to the forefront. I bury my face into the bedding and release a muffled sob. There's no help for it. I can't stop thinking of him. I never could. He's been the only man for me since th