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Leo 14
Capri did not fully process the magnitude of the information she received from the hospital. She has always wanted nothing more than to be a mom. This now seems like it would be impossible. “I can’t possibly not have a baby of my own!” Capri said to herself…. “This is so not fair!”She’d taken care of so many kids throughout her short time on earth and quite often dreamt of getting married and starting her own family. She was given a specific diagnosis as to what the underlying issue was and the cause of the hemorrhaging. Moreover, there was no real solution.The doctors ran a lot of different test, and still nothing. “I have been on birth control for a long time.” Capri said to her best friend Ki, “but I never though it would be a big deal when I was ready to slow down working to have babies!”She could help but feel broken and not whole . There was a feeling of not being a real woman. Too often everyone would ask her when she would have kids and she would pass the issue off. She
Leo 15
A few days had passed before Capri came back to being almost like herself. She took a few extra days off work because she was a bag of emotions. These days she was struggling with her faith. Capri didn’t frequent church, but she was a firm believer. She believed that what we put into the universe would affect us and play out in our life’s. She was careful with her thoughts and what came out of her mouth. ****Capri has a sister that is only six months her senior that she often talked to on the phone. The conversations were mostly one sided. Chika did not care if Capri would contribute to the conversation. Moreover it wouldn’t have mattered because it was all about Chika. Chika lived her life in lala land. She was desperate to be bigger than the stars and was never satisfied. This cause Capri to keep all her personal troubles to herself. One night Capri broke down; “I’ve been holding all this in and it’s killing me!” Capri uttered through her tears. “One of my ovaries had to be
Leo 16
“I never wanted to be this person, I don’t even recognize myself anymore!” Capri said to Ki. “How can people be so mean and totally unaware?”Ki had been going to Capris house almost everyday since her doctor’s appointment. She was fearful that her best friend would fall back into a depressed state like the years prior. It took a long time to get over her heartbreak and realized she was better than her circumstances.Ki…. “Babe you have to understand. We have expectations of others based on how we treat them. Most do not appreciate the effort we put in to be there for them.”“Look at your state and the same ungrateful sister of yours is no where when you need her. To be honest you’re better off, she only talked shit and upset you all the time.”Capri….“I know, but she’s my blood.”Ki…..“Would you tolerate this mistreatment from anyone else?”“Why do you continue to be her punching bag?”Capri….“Ok! I think it’s best if I don’t talk to her for a while, I could honestly do without t
Leo 17
Capris phone went off for about an hour straight. She didn’t answer and decided not to respond to any messages. She did however listen to the voice messages and read the texts after a while. “You selfish b****, you can’t even answer the phone now!” Chika yelled in the blocked voice message tab.“How can you just tell your sister you’re not talking to her!” Voicemail from grandmother****“Who on this earth says they’re choosing happiness and peace, and all of a sudden decides that their sister is affecting that?!” Text message from ChikaCapri decided it would be best to not respond after all to any of people who though she was being selfish. She never focused on herself and was always giving and overextending. She was an enabler for poor behavior and gave into people who were self entitled for what she could do for them. Most of the people around her never noticed her sadness. they would just assume she was ok. She never complained; she literally just didn’t know how to say no. ****
Leo 18
Capri always felt that taking to a therapist meant she was crazy. “These things are meant for the rich people!” Capri muttered to herself as she brushed her teeth. However, she could not help the overwhelming feeling that she had to vent. Quiet honestly she could not continue to walk around with such burdens from the past and present on her heart. “ let’s just look at the options that they have, looking won’t actually hurt. It’s a step in the right direction, maybe.”It took Capri quiet sometime to admit she needed the help and finally opened her laptop. She was amazed at all the options. What was even surprising, she didn’t actually have to go in an office, lay on a couch and be hypnotized. At least in her head that’s what she envisioned going to a therapist would be. “Wait a minute, pills! Who the hell said I needed drugs?! I just want to talk to someone who is not biased and will help me deal with my emotions and why I react the way I do in situations.”“This is a bad idea I do
Leo 19
“Lately I have been depressed. I feel like I have no purpose and quiet lost. When the people around me say things that hurt my feelings, I’m not quiet sure how to handle it and it stays on my mind for a long time.”Capri would often question herself, wondering what was so wrong with her. All she wanted was for her family and friends to love her.“Do you ever tell them that their words are hurtful?” Asked her therapist.“I tend to just let them talk, they won’t acknowledge that they’re saying anything that affects me because they think as long as they’re speaking facts, I shouldn’t be bothered.” Capri responded with her head down.“Are these facts based on personal conversations you’ve had with them?” asked the therapist.“Yes! Mostly from a place of vulnerability when I can’t control my emotions. I’d call my older sister and before I know it I’m crying and tellingher about my ailments.”“I see and how does that make you feel that she brings up such conversations?!“I feel like I can’t
Leo 20
Capri could not immediately commit to her assignment verbally. In the upcoming days, she wrote down names and circumstances that created trauma and fear from her past. The biggest challenge would be talking to her mom. Growing up she was never present for her daughters. A man seemed to always be more important than her kids. Capri would leave school after her practices to go home and cook. In the mornings she would also get her sisters ready for their day including on the weekends. The random times her mother would do anything with them, involved being in sketch places and she would be drinking beer and smoking cigarettes. Most often than not she wouldn’t even make sure they were fed. The courage to have the conversation……“I haven’t been around lately due to my increase anxiety, I finally decided to see a therapist in regard to my mental state. There are some things from the past that I feel would be important to discuss and get off my chest in order to move forward in a healthy
Leo 21
On the other side of things, Capri had a bit of a distraction. Her ex-mother in-law was fired from her job as a clergy assistant for fucking a client in her bosses office. Dexter was a good gossip he knew everything and anything. He was like the damn cops. Honestly, better than the cops, they should just employ him. He was also no other than Roxy’s best friend aka Taurus sister. They weren’t too close these days apparently because he talked nothing but trash about her. Apparently, he got the tea straight out the kettle.‘“Girlllllllllllll, did you read the paper miss ma’am was caught red handed by the janitor fucking a client!” Laments DexterCapri stares at him in confusion…..She said “what are you reporting now? No scratch that, who are you reporting now?”Dexter****“ none other than your mother in law Bitch, she was popping that dusty P**** on a longgg c*** last night at her job. The janitor apparently only snitched after she turned him down to slob on his banana….. he went and t
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