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MAFIA RULES 79
The second I was out of sight, I braced a palm flat against the nearest wall, my heart beating so fast behind my ribs, I felt like I was on the verge of fainting. I try to get my bearings. My hands tremble I have to bring my right to my chest. My knees knocked together and sweat beaded on my forehead. I licked my dry lips and focused on my breathing exhaling through my mouth. I’d put on a brave face in front out there, that I wasn’t scared of Valentina. Truth be told, I am terrified of the woman. I’d given the performance of a lifetime and the anger boiling in my chest gave me an edge. It had to be done and I don’t regret it. Valentina Salvatore is a bully. Plain and simple. I've known a few in my life, My aunt Sara and daughter Katherina to mention, and a few from my time at the academy. The only way to get them to back off is to stand up to them. She treats everyone as less than and expects us to fall at her feet. She was very harsh with Eva, the thought of it gave me shiv
MAFIA RULES 80
“What? When” I was already sitting upright but my spine went ridge at her words, I was not expecting her to say that. “To who? I didn’t tell him, he found out” I felt the need to get that out of the way. Her brows come together in a frown, before smoothing over, she really thought I outed her. I promised her I wouldn't. “He informed Valentina and me of his decision just yesterday, I believe his exact words were; Eva was married to a capo for more than a decade, she knows too much we shouldn’t let her run free as we have lest she forget her place, someone should keep an eye on her” she recounts, though her features remain uncaring, the words come out gritted. My jaw was literally hanging. He said what!?“You can imagine Valentina was thrilled about it.” I smack my palms on my lap. “Why would he do such a thing?!” And to involve Valentina? She hates Eva with a passion. “As punishment and a warning,” she said with a light shrug of her shoulders.Damn it. I knew he was mad but not t
MAFIA RULES 81
I push the double stroller with Maria walking beside me, it is still early in the day and the sun isn’t out fully so I thought both the babies and I could use some air, then we find a good spot on the floor in the gardens to spread out a fluffy blanket unstrapping the children Angelo is already swinging his legs and fist with excitement form being let out, Maria drops the basket of toys so they can play. I make a mental note to take them out on walks more often. For the next half hour, I lay on my side, my head popped up on my hand as I watched my children. My little loves. Angelo and Micaela have a grand time mumbling gibberish to each other giggling and fighting over toys, yelling loudly. I feel an unfathomable joy as I watch their interaction, Caela tosses something to the side the yells “Ma?” Pointing at the toy. I shake my head, trying to be stern “You threw it there you get it” She attempts a cry to get her way and I laugh under my breath, “Bring it to Mama baby” I h
MAFIA RULES 82
** I nod. He was right, this wasn’t the time for a mental breakdown or to get overwhelmed by my thoughts. His hands leave my shoulders, “I saw Maria putting a cake in the oven on my way here, it’s been about an hour already, perfect timing if you ask me” he is smiling once more. I shoved what I’ve learned to the back of my mind. “Sure” I agreed. Some cake sounded nice. Nice one Lola, eat your feelings away. Gia texts to inform me the twins are still sleeping so I remain downstairs and gorge myself on chocolate goodness. Tommy leaves after an extra slice he doesn't mention our conversation in the gym, in fact, he acts like it never happened. For a moment I wondered if he let slipped on purposes, One might think Tommy was a blabbermouth because he was always joking and laughing, but he was no fool. He knows I know nothing of the nature of the family business, for him to let it slip like that? Nope. Especially knowing Niko prefers me to stay out of it. And after Eva
MAFIA RULES 83
I went upstairs after that, was there anything more for me to learn, lost in my thoughts, Did I want to call Maria and question her within an inch of her life and finally find out what was going on in my own house? Yes, I did. Why was I the last to find out anything of substance around here? It was the same as when Valentina came around and dropped the union in our laps. It was as though everyone was expecting it but me. What was I doing wrong? It had to be something, to be so excluded in my family. I wanted nothing more than to line them up and get to the bottom of it all. They made it their job to inform me of the happenings of the family, most of the information they got in the form of gossip from the maids of other households. Apparently, all I was entitled to was petty gossip like who was sleeping with the servant and who fathered a bastard behind his wife, never anything truly meaningful. Gianna who hasn’t been to visit in a while Sebastian, her husband insisted it’s
MAFIA RULES 84
“It hurt” I murmured into the darkness, answering my own question blinking back the dampness behind my lids. The tightening in my throat, that bitter taste on my tongue, the heavyness in my chest. I felt like I couldn't breathe. It hurts. I tried to steady my breathing, and pushed back the tears I felt brimming behind my lids. But it was hard. I just wanted to let it out. I didn’t want to think it, I didn’t want to feel this way but I couldn’t help it. Like Tommy said, he didn’t lie outright, but what difference is there? Puffing out a loud breath, I buried my face in my palms, massaging my eyes with the heels of my palms. It was one thing I never had to fear with Niko, he never lied to me, most often, when I asked him a question he would answer, or say nothing if he didn’t want to, no matter how unpleasant it was or upsetting, to the extent I tried not to ask some certain questions, knowing I wouldn’t like the answers, and now I wasn’t so sure. Didn’t he trust me…?
MAFIA RULES 85
I nodded, my lips now suddenly dry, I swiped my tongue once more, “I know that- I mean I think I do” I’m not making any sense, why was this so difficult? I've never had problems expressing myself or letting my thoughts known but when it came to him, I was tongue tied. I hadn’t planned on bringing it up at all or at least until I processed it. But now that I had, I just… I swiped my other hand down my face in frustration, “It’s just- for a time I felt we are that, a family, you and me. I felt connected, and I am with you.” the issue was him, I didn’t have to state that out loud, his eyes jumped from mine to my hands, as I bring them together, gesturing. My hands dropped to my lap and I let out a breath, “And then sometimes, sometimes, in a way, I don’t feel like your wife” “What do you mean? You are my wife?” “Sometimes I feel like I know you, we do well together, in bed, out of it, you are a good father to the babies, patient and attentive, and I’m so grateful to you for tha
MAFIA RULES 86
** “No, don’t you- Ahh… who’s a good girl?” My baby burst into giggles as I tickle her tummy, when I go to take the ear bud from her to prevent it finding it’s way into her mouth she lunched into a cry, swinging her hands in protest. I roll my eyes and put her down, my baby girl obviously doesn’t agree with that as her tantrum increases, I hissed at the sharp pain. “Micaela!” I scold patting my neck with my fingers and brought them to my face half expecting to see blood. Now silent, Caela looks at me with large watery blue eyes, her lips parted mid cry. I scowl down at her “This child” leaning forward I hold the arm she flung at me and spread her chubby fingers, my frown increases at the length of her finger nails. A cry leaves her and she lunches herself into me, immediately the irritation bleads out of me “Don’t cry, I’m not angry” I shush her softly, petting her with a hand at the back of her head, “I guess it’s my fault for not clipping your nails” I muttered, still massagin
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