chapter fifty nine

Control. A small word but a very tough thing to attain. I struggled with control issues from a tender age. How to get it, how to use it and everything in between. My up tightness led me into using most women to exercise that power. Vanilla type of sexual intercourse was so easy and it didn't help me much when it came to that dark feeling inside. So I ventured into another type of sex, I wanted more.

A girl named Cathy taught me some few things. She was a senior at my university. While grace thought I was going to parties to have fun, I was actually whipping, flogging and biting Cathy every chance I got. Until one day, well, she graduated. After a few more months I did too but I never saw her again. The urges though didn't stop. I just loved seeing the pain on her face so much. It drove me insane so I started occasionally getting myself involved with women. They seemed to love it and it drove them crazy when I didn't want them anymore.

That's when I understood that women secretly lov