The sour beer coats my mouth. I hate beer, but I have to pretend to celebrate with the rest of the guys. The Aurora Flame packhouse has officially been demolished. That means that I get to go home to my new territory. The cold bottle soothes my blistered hands. Blisters that are evidence of the home I just destroyed. My home. Though it didn’t feel like home anymore. Nothing has felt like home lately.
Rita pulls out a barstool, sitting next to me. “How are you feeling, Gamma?”
“Amazing.”
“You shouldn’t lie to a witch who can see the future.”
I look at her with suspicion. She has hardly spoken to me over the last year. Why is she talking to me now?
“Did you see something that includes me, Rita?”
“I did.”
“Well? Are you going to tell me?”
“You know I can’t. Things change far too quickly. I’m only here with a warning.”
I nod, so she knows I’m listening.
“Stop defying the Moon Goddess.”
What? By the time I look up, Rita is gone. Her barstool sits empty, as if she was never there. What did she mean by defying the Moon Goddess? How am I defying her? The sound of birds dying pulls me back to reality. Two of my pack members are drunk, singing karaoke, or screaming it, really. Before my ears bleed, I finish my beer and jump into my car. I’m not due home until tomorrow, but I don’t want to waste any more time getting back. Even if Paige and Colin aren’t exactly excited to welcome me back, I want to be home. I didn’t want to leave, but I respected their orders to come here and oversee the demolition of the old packhouse because I knew I had fucked up.
I remember that awful day so well. We were sitting down for dinner when I felt the last strands of my connection to Amber snap. The entire pack felt it, too. She chose a new pack; she chose to stay in Moonbeam. I don’t know why, but I’d hoped she’d come back, eventually. I didn’t mean to run her out of the only home she’s ever known. That day, I lost myself and my wolf in uncontrollable violence. I slashed my way through the pain. I’m lucky that the only wolves hurt were rogues. Only it didn’t help, it just made my life worse. I’ll never forget the disappointment on Colin’s face when he saw what I had done. It wasn’t long after that when Paige and Colin sent me back to our old territory. I’m not sure if they thought they were helping me, or if they just wanted to be rid of me. Either way, I’m still suffering, and there’s no one to blame but myself.
I pull into the driveway. The house is dark. I didn’t expect a welcome committee, but I at least expected to see my best friend waiting for me. My luggage hits every stair on the way to my room. I’m not worried about being quiet. I don’t care who I wake up, because then I wouldn’t be left alone with my thoughts. While love and a mate are no longer in the cards for me, it doesn’t mean I can’t fulfill my physical needs.
I smirk when I hear a door open. I turn and see an unfamiliar, tanned she-wolf standing in the doorway behind me. “I don’t think we’ve met.”
She smiles. “I’m Grace.”
“Alex, the Gamma. It’s rare to meet a pack member that I don’t know.”
“I’m usually gone to school, but I’m on break right now. Why are you making so much noise?”
I shrug. “Just wanted to see if anyone was up. I don’t enjoy being left alone with my thoughts.”
“You can stay with me if you’re scared to be alone.”
I chuckle lightly. My eyes scan her. Her brown eyes twinkle like those of a girl I used to know. Her sandy, short hair is messy. Her neck is smooth, unmarked by another wolf. Her body is athletic and toned. Her breasts are a touch too large for my taste, but they’ll do. She smirks as she watches me. She’s probably thinking that I’m gawking at her beauty when, really, I’m just noticing all the ways she isn’t Amber.
She puts her hand on my chest. “Before we do this, I need you to know that it’s nothing more than sex. I’m waiting for my mate, so don’t go falling in love with me.”
“Sounds good to me.”
I follow her into a quaint room. It’s bare besides the bed and a duffle bag. She pulls her shirt up by the hem, her breasts rising and falling with her quick motion. I strip and slam my body to hers. Her skin feels like leather beneath my fingers. I don’t waste time kissing her or warming her up. This is just a means to an end. The sex is quick and rough, but the release I find isn’t satisfying enough. Just as all the other releases I’ve had weren’t.
I leave her room without a word. Reaching my room and taking a hot shower is the only thing on my mind.
Insomnia has infected me lately, so it’s no surprise that I beat the Alpha to his own office. My eyes wander around the room. The office that was once a lemon tribute is now navy. The tired wooden furniture has been replaced by white modern pieces. My fingers brush over his bookcases, landing on a picture.The picture brings tears to my eyes. Her face is there, smiling at me, the way she used to. It was taken the night of Paige and Colin’s ceremony. The night I forced her to reject me. I pay little attention to the other three couples in the photo. I just stare at her.“Nice to see you, Alex.” Colin’s voice startles me, forcing me to pry my eyes from the picture.“Did you miss me?”“Duh. I missed our nights together.”“Really? He’s been back for a few hours and you’re already hitting on him!” Paige smiles at me, giving me a small hug before taking her place on Colin’s lap.“So, I heard the demo went well,” Colin starts.“Yeah. Our old packhouse is no longer standing. What are the plan
“I missed you,” Alex coos. I jump at the sound of his voice. My blue dress flows, tickling my bare toes as I walk to my mate. “I missed you,” I murmur as I wrap my arms around him. Alex squeezes me tightly, like he’s scared to lose me again. My muscles contract as I try to match the strength of his squeeze. A soft melody plays, seemingly from nowhere. Alex sways with me, twirling me around. My back hits a wall. I turn to see Cory standing there. I squeeze Alex’s hand tighter, silently begging for him to pull me back. When he doesn’t, I turn to search his face, but he’s been replaced by a faceless man. I yank my hand away from the stranger. My eyes scan the room. It’s suddenly filled with men from my past. I push myself through the sea of bodies, desperately searching for Alex. The only person I want right now is him. Each man is screaming at me, blaming me for ruining his family. My heartbeat thunders against my chest. When my eyes finally land on my mate, my heart all but stops co
“Did you use the calming technique I taught you?”I nod.The keyboard clacks under her red nails. I watch her, remembering the first time I set foot in her office. Alpha Stephen had told me she could help me, but I hadn’t known he was setting me up with a therapist. I almost left once I realized her title, but something compelled me to stay and I’m glad I did. Dr. Laurel has helped me in so many ways. The keyboard falls silent, urging me to continue.“At first, the pain was so intense, I went for a run. I didn’t stop running until the sun came up. That’s when I felt like I was drowning. I used your technique, and it calmed me enough to get home.”“Why did you feel you were drowning? Was it because of the pain the dream brought or something more?” She asks.“I was drowning in Alex. The memories of our short few days together. The look in his eyes when he rejected me. All of it. I was drowning in love for a man who has nothing but hate for me.”“Amber, you will probably always love him.
I run my fingers on the scars over my ribs. The large pink marks serve as a reminder of one of the worst nights of my life. A loud knock on my door pulls me from my thoughts. I open it to find a sleepy Colin standing there. “Alpha Stephen called; a she-wolf went missing.” My face must look terrified because the sleep falls from Colin’s eyes. “It’s not Amber. I asked to make sure she’s safe. He said she’s with his lead warrior.” My fear turns to jealousy. Who the hell is this warrior? Why is he with her? What are they doing? Why do you care what Amber is doing? Zeke scoffs. Because I do, I’m her mate. You were her mate. You rejected her, remember? You have no right to be jealous. Not after what you did. I know he’s right, but I can’t help it. The thought of Amber being with another is enough to make my blood boil. I wonder how she feels when she thinks of me with someone else. Probably nothing. If she’s anything like me, she hates you. “Alex, pay attention,” Colin says. I l
Zeke’s howls scare birds out of the quiet trees. He runs, trying to outrun the pain of losing her. When I rejected Amber, I really thought I’d be better off. I thought we both would. What a stupid thought that was. I never imagined that my life would be even worse. But it is.Zeke’s energy depletes after his third hour in the forest. His fur sinks back into my skin. I pull my shorts on, slinking against a tree. My mind is as scrambled as the eggs served in the dining hall. Nothing makes sense anymore. I lay my head in my hands and try to figure out just how I’m going to move on. Or if I even can. I have to find a way, or Colin will never trust me again.The sound of leaves crunching snaps my head up. I squint my eyes in the sound's direction. A bitter scent wafts around me. My blood pumps loudly in my veins. I’m on edge. The threat of vampires will do that to a wolf. The sound hits my ears again. I jump up as a figure moves into my sight line. A breath of air escapes me as I recognize
“You should come out with us tonight!” Kayla yells over the loud laughs from the pups in our class.“No. You know how I feel about all that.”“Come on! You’ve been here for a year. Let yourself live a little. You don’t have to sleep with someone to have fun!”I know she’s right. It’s silly to keep myself isolated out of fear of falling into someone’s bed. I should trust myself and my growth. I’m just not sure that’s a risk I’m willing to take. But I heard Alpha Stephen called my old pack for help and I’m not sure who will show up. It might be better to make myself scarce while they’re here.“Please,” Kayla whines. “It’s my birthday!”“Are we even allowed to leave the territory? That girl is still missing.” “We’re only going to the bar that Alpha owns on the edge of the territory. We’ll be safe!”“Ugh, fine. I’ll go but only because it’s your birthday,” I agree, hoping I won’t regret it later.“YAY! Pick you up at 8.”I roll my eyes in response and continue to get the pups ready to go
“Lyle.” “How are you, babe? I haven’t seen you since your sixteenth birthday.” He squats down to meet my eyes. An icy hand reaches out and tucks a stray hair behind my ear. His touch sends a frightened chill glide down my spine. “I’m good. I have to go. My friends are waiting for me.” I push against the wall to stand, my legs still wobbly from the panic. “Where are you staying? I’m in town for tonight. We could spend it together.” “Um, no thanks.” I shrug his hand from wrist and start to walk away. A second passes before his rigid body slams into me, keeping me away from the door. “Why not, pretty wolf? Did you not have fun the last time we were together?” I bristle at his words. “No. I didn’t.” “You shouldn’t tell lies.” “I’m not lying.” He steps closer to me. “I’ll let you walk away tonight, but only because I want you to beg to come with me. But I promise you, I will finish what I started.” His eyes narrow into slits, making his threat feel even more real. I want to scre
I sit on the blue carpet, reading a story to the pups in my class. Their curious eyes stare at the light book in my hands, eager to know what’s going to happen next. They know that it’ll have a happy ending, but that doesn’t stop them from getting nervous at scary parts or crying at sad parts. That’s one thing I’ve learned in my time here; pups show their emotions all the time. They never hide themselves from the world. They are braver than me in that aspect. I ran from the world the second I could. I didn’t want to see the pain and the hurt that I caused. The story ends and parents arrive to take their little wolves home. Each of them runs to me first, encasing me in our daily group hug before bouncing off to their parents. Sometimes, I find myself jealous of the pups. They are free. Free to live and love whomever they want. Free to be anyone they want to be. I wish I could be that innocent and hopeful.“Where’s Kayla?” Alpha Stephen asks, pulling his son into his arms.“I’m not sure