Hard To Tell Right From Wrong

I felt the need to tell him that I didn't like the outfit combination for work but I was scared of how I should sound because I didn't want him to get angry, or defensive or just ignore me. 

I promised myself that I will never offer criticism or advice unless he asks.

"I'll give him loving acceptance. I guess this is what he needs, not lectures." I soliloquized.

"Do you say something?"

"Not really."

"So... what do you think."

I didn't like it but if I asked him to change he will not ask for my suggestion again.

"I don't like that shirt on you. Would you wear another one?" I said.

"And why don't you like the shirt, it matches my shoe, I thought you had a fashion sense."

"I'm sorry if you were annoyed by my comment, I didn't mean to tell you how to dress."

"No, I asked for your opinion regarding my outfit, I felt very secure before I opened up my mouth and asked for your support."

"The blue shirt you wore with the green slacks, I didn't like the combination. Would you try wearing it with your grey slacks?"

"Now you've worked the magic of a woman, I would my love."

A smile plastered on my face to see him pleased with me.

He is very sensitive and perhaps he can detect any form of advice so I needed to be very careful not to go further in talking because it will portray as advice.

He came back from work and began to dig into his meal, but I found his eating irritating.

"Would you use your silverware and would you drink from your glass? When you eat with your fingers, I hate it. I get so picky about these little things. When you eat with me, would you use your silverware?"

"Why do I feel like you're trying to tell me how to behave, you're trying to tell me that am wrong."

"No am not. I was just sharing my honest feelings lovingly and briefly and I apologize for upsetting you."

It died down.

Most times I watch "The Secret Of Great Sex" and truth be told, my husband only wants himself to be on top or a doggy style but I want to try other styles, I want to explore.

He may be offended if I suggest he follow my advice of some experts. I thought.

"Honey before we have sex tonight I would love if you could watch the secret of great sex." The words slipped from my tongue.

"Do you realise you just insulted me?"

"Am sorry, just that -"

"Just what? I want you to trust that I know what to do."

"Am sorry..." I stood up, rubbing my hand on his back to calm him down but then he got even angrier."

He yells, "Get off me. Am a man, am not a child that you can calm down by rubbing your hand on my back. Why don't you get it, I don't need your advice or suggestion. This is the same thing you did on thanksgiving day. I was carving the turkey and you kept offering advice on how and what to cut. Venessa, I feel mistrusted. I had to resist you that day because I had a lot on my head. I was determined to do it on my own. When you ask me ", What's the matter, honey." I feel insulted and repulsed. I feel as though you don't trust I can handle things. Another thing I hate in my life is that I hate to be pitied."

"Martins, all the night before you would leave town to teach a weekend seminar, I would ask you what time you were getting up. I would ask you what time your plane left. Then I will do some mental figuring and warn you that you hadn't left enough time to catch your plane. I thought I was supporting you."

"I didn't feel it. I felt offended. You knew I had been travelling around the world for five years teaching courses, and I had never missed a plane. You would ask too many questions that were just too smothering, 'Do you have your ticket? Do you have your wallet? Do you have enough money? Did you pack socks? Do you know where you are staying?' ".

"I was loving you!" The pitch of my voice went high because, at this point, anger consumed me.

"But I felt mistrusted and was annoyed!" His high tone showed up even louder. "I married you because I love you. Look I appreciate your loving intention but I don't fucking like to be mothered. If you want to mother me you should love and trust me unconditionally. If I miss a plane, don't tell me 'Honey I told you so'. Trust that I will learn from my lesson and adjust accordingly. If I forget my toothbrush or shaving kit, let me deal with it. Don't tell me about it when I call."

"Like I don't even know what to say to you anymore, you're impossible."

I stormed out of the dining room and slept separately that night.