Chapter 4

1 year later

It has been a year now since the tragic death of my entire family and this unknown femme that keeps haunting my dreams. I wish that I could put a name to her so she can be mourned properly by her family and friends. I have talked to several families among my pack and there doesn’t seem to be anyone missing or unaccounted for. 

I awoke early this morning to the soft voice of Michael in my head.

“Happy Birthday Danica. Today is a very special day for you. There will be a lot of changes for you from here on out. Things will happen quicker than you may expect and we will be here to help you through all of it. Just remember that!”  As I could feel him slowly fade into the back of my mind again. Michael doesn’t say much. It’s just like he’s quietly in the background watching my interactions with the outside world. He only comes forward when I need some sound advice against Morgana’s Bipolar personality.

Sam and Nikki burst into my room with a cupcake with a single candle lit on top.

“HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY GIRLFRIEND!” They both scream in unison waking me out of a dead sleep.

I just roll over and cover my head with my pillow trying to ignore them.

“Come on!! Get your ass out of bed. You can’t sleep the day away!” Sam said sarcastically. 

“ Leave me alone! I don’t want to remember today!” I try to reply as calmly as possible.

“You’ve got to get up. Mrs. Potts has prepared a big breakfast for everyone in your honor and she won’t let us eat until you are down there to eat too!” Sam said with his tummy growling.

I know how much Sam loves Mrs. Potts’ cooking and especially can’t hold back when it comes to her delicious waffles. Mrs. Potts has been our chef for as far back as I can remember. She is like a Grandmother to all of us in the pack.

“Ok ok ok! I am getting up! Give me 15 minutes to get a shower and get dressed. Geez!!” I finally replied.

“They are just trying to brighten your day and make you smile. Is that such a bad thing?” Michael says trying to brighten my mood.

“ Oh hush! They are just a bunch of goody to shoes and they are just kissing their Alpha Femmes ass on her birthday!” Morgana yells at Michael in my head.

“Yay! Finally!” They both scream at once while running out of the room and slamming my door closed.

I push myself out of bed unwillingly and trudge towards the bathroom. The hot shower feels good on my aching muscles. It has been a long year for all of us. We have been working hard to rebuild the pack house and repairing our fractured pack. We all needed time to heal our shattered hearts after losing our Alpha, Luna & Princess just a year ago today  I have become the Alpha Femme of the Blood Ravens pack since the deaths of my entire family. I am trying my best to hold it all together but there are days that I just want to hop on my bike and leave it all behind. But I know that my Father would be ashamed because that is not how he raised me and I definitely don’t want to disappoint the most important man to ever be in my life. So, I finish up my shower and throw on a pair of skinny jeans, a comfortable t-shirt and my biker boots before heading downstairs to breakfast. 

When I enter the dining room of the pack house, everyone erupts into a unison of HAPPY BIRTHDAY. I can’t help but smile at how out of tune everyone seems to be. 

“ Thank you everyone. I appreciate this so much. And thank you Mrs. Potts for the wonderful breakfast you have fixed for us all.” I say, trying to put on my best happy face as I sit down and start to eat my waffles.

 After breakfast I go back up to my room and change into my training clothes. Morgana needs to let out some of her aggression this morning or it’s not going to be a good day for either one of us. And as usual, Michael is trying to calm us both down with no avail.   I 

I need to go for a run this morning. I need to let my wolves stretch their legs and run free. I need to run free for just a little while so that I can get away from the demons of this damn day.  It is my 18th birthday today but it is also the day that I lost my entire family to murder.

I shed off my clothes and tucked them behind a tree. I take off running and shift in mid run. Michael is the one to come to the forefront and I can feel his calming presence in my head. My need to run has become stronger lately and I’m not sure why. Morgana has become restless in my head. She is anxious to find out who killed my family. She wants revenge on those responsible. But Michael thinks that I should move on with my life and let things play out for themselves. I am torn by what to do.

I ran through the trees, and jumped over fallen trees just like they weren’t there. I love how the wind feels flowing through my fur and how the forest floor feels beneath my paws. When I’m like this, I don’t want to return to my human form. Like this I don’t have the responsibilities of taking care of an entire pack. I don’t have to worry about finding a mate. All I have is my freedom. This is where all of my troubles just disappear even just for a little while.  

I walk into the pack gym just as our warriors are switching out patrol shifts. They all turn to look at me and immediately bow their heads in respect. Even though I might be a rare Femme Alpha, I have earned their respect as their leader by not backing down from a fight or being too soft on any of them. They know that if I went head to head with any male in this pack that I would kick some serious ass. I nod back in mutual respect to my trusted guards and warriors as they turn to leave for their patrols.

My trusted Drill Sergeant, Jesse, approaches me, bows his head in respect  and  then smiles. 

“Are we looking for some aggression therapy this morning Alpha Ravens?” he asks sheepishly.

“Yes, yes we are! Today is not a good day for me as you know and I need to clear my head a bit!” I reply.

“Well, I think that we can think of something to release all of that pent up energy that you have this morning!” He says with an evil grin as he grabs me around the waist pulling me against his hard body.

“ Oh, you think so, do you?” I reply as I kick back and catch his right knee and knock it out from under him and as he starts to fall, I shift all of my weight to one side slinging him across the sparring mat. I turn around and look down at him with a triumphant smile.

“Is that what you had in mind?!” As I start to laugh at him just laying there like a pouting child.

“No, not exactly!” He begins to laugh as hard as I am now holding out a hand for me to help him up from the floor. Jesse is five years older than I am and he subtly tries to flirt with me for the past year. He knows that I am not worried about finding my mate because I have more important things to do right now. He knows that I have my mood swings because he helps me work through those swings of emotions by training me harder and harder every single day. I find him very attractive and kind of hot but I don’t need those kinds of complications in my life right now. 

Jesse and I begin our training session with kickboxing. It is one of my favorite forms of training and it is something that I am really good at. It comes in handy with hand to hand combat because your opponent doesn’t expect for a Femme to be able to kick and punch like a man. When all of a sudden my body is wrecked with some of the most excruciating pain that I have ever experienced. I can feel my whole body rising in temperature as sweat begins to pour out of my pores soaking my t-shirt. My face flushes and I double up in pain on the floor.

“What’s happening Jesse? Goddess, help me!” I scream out loud.

Jesse kneels beside me on the sparring mat and tries to get me to calm down. 

“ You turn 18 today, right?” Jesse asks worryingly.

“YES!! What the hell does that have to do with anything?” I say as I scream out again.

“Then this is your first heat. Your mate is supposed to help you through your first heat but anyone can help to make it easier. Do I have your permission to act as your mate for now, Alpha, with all due respect?” He asks cautiously.

“What do you mean? Act as my mate?” I ask through gritted teeth.

“It could be something as simple as a kiss to the temple or a kiss on the lips. The longer the kiss the longer the relief from the heat will last. It has to be an intimate act between mates.” He answered.

My mind is wheeling from the pain and heat that my body is in right now.

“I don’t care. Just help me please!” I plead with him not liking how vulnerable I am feeling right now.

Jesse lowers himself onto his knees beside me. He gently strokes my hair away from my face. I watch as he leans over and places a light kiss on my forehead, nose and then hesitantly a kiss onto my lips. With my temperature rising, his lips feel cool against mine. He lowers his head a second time and firmly places his lips against mine tangling his fingers into my hair to bring my face up to his. And before I realize what is happening, I wrap my left arm around his neck and begin to return his kisses with a passion. I can feel my heat subsiding but my arousal begins to rise instead. I part my lips slightly and allow his tongue to explore against mine as they begin to tangle with one another. I can feel his hands start to explore my body inch by inch. I can hear Morgana yelping in my head with excitement as both of our wolves want to come to the surface and take over this make out session. I can feel his hands start to explore my body more and more. His slightly rough touch brush against my left nipple through my t-shirt making it erect beneath his touch. I can feel him start to clinch his fist against the flat of my stomach like he was fighting with himself to not take it to the next level as I pull him down on top of me on the sparring mat. I wanted him so badly at this moment when all of a sudden he breaks the passionate kiss and stands up.

“I’m so sorry Alpha Ravens. I did not mean for it to go this far. Please forgive me! I want you so badly, please don’t get me wrong. Damn I really want you but you are my Alpha Femme and I have too much respect for you to do this. This is your wolf and the heat making you think that this is what you want!” He stammers bashfully.

“It’s ok Jesse. This is what I want. I want someone to hold me and make me feel like I am not untouchable. Every male in this pack bows his head and is afraid to look me in the eye. You have always respected me and looked me in the eye at the same time.” I reply trying to get him to calm down.

“Don’t you want to save yourself for your mate?” He asks while looking down at me questionably.

“I am an Alpha Femme. I don’t want a mate that thinks that he will be able to dominate me and make me submit just because his ego is bruised by my strength and independence. I want someone that will stand beside me as an equal.” I say looking up at him with a serious look on my face.

Jesse turns away from me and I think that he is going to just walk away from me but then he turns and smiles down at me holding out his hand to pull me up from the floor landing me eye level with him.

“ I have so much respect for you and what you have proven to this pack of your strength through everything that has been thrown your way. I will be your substitute mate with one exception. I will hold you close to me at night for you to always know that you are safe. I will stand with you side by side as an equal through battle and through life until you find your mate. I will show you compassion and no mercy when it comes to your training. I will show you how good your body can feel at the hands of your lover but one thing that I will not do is take your purity. That is meant only for your mate. Do we have a deal?” He asks with a blush on his rugged face.

“Yes, yes we do!” I smile at him with much adoration and respect as I take his hand in mine. 

“Good, because I don’t think that I could have kept my hands to myself much longer.” He busts out laughing as he reaches out and takes my hand and gently squeezes it in agreement.

“I have an Alpha conference call to tend to right now but you can spend the night in my room tonight if you want?” I ask wantingly.

“Yes,That sounds great. I would really like that Alpha Ravens” He replies.

“Jesse, if we are going to be equals in this relationship then please call me Danni.” I say to him kind of bashfully.

“Now that will definitely take some getting used to!” He says, smiling down at me as he places a very passionate kiss on my lips just before I turn to leave.