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Chapter 23: Choose Wisely
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Not Like Me Chapter 24: Ballet Shoes
I head to the dance studio. My dad's car smells like old socks. Stephanie is with me. "Tell me about you. What's really going on?""When you left...I was sad. Brittany didn't seem like a real friend. She was girly, she wasn't you, but she was there. Then I noticed Zander. We hung out. She told me to stay away. So I did. I missed him. When they turned sixteen, I kissed Zander at his birthday party. He kissed me back. I got scared, and Aiden suggested we pretend to date to get back at him. I agreed. It was stupid. Then there was a spark with Aiden. And then I was torn between the two of them. That's the short version. I thought Zander was a crush, but he's more than that. Aiden and I had a spark...it grew and grew. I don't want to lose them. I want to be friends with them. I want us to forget about romance and be friends. I want to drown out feelings...with other feelings. I shouldn't date, Steph. It's not for girls like me. It's for other women, who make sense.""It does sound complic
Not Like Me Chapter 25: Girlfriend
Before Stephanie gets out of my dad's car, she turns around and bites her lip. She's holding something in. "Ashley, why did you never tell Brittany about your ballet talent?" "I wanted one girly thing for myself. She never really asked me what I did outside of school. She was involved in piano and theatre. I had ballet. I wanted something for myself. She and I shared everything, but I needed one thing for myself. I let you know because you never had that deep desire to take and take everything I had. She was hard to be best friends with. But I know now that Zander was my true best friend.""Thanks for telling me, Ash. And you know, you don't need to be her best friend...but you can be friends again. We have a history together, don't give up on her now. As for her friends' opinions dating her brother, I'll set the record straight for you. So don't worry about that. Now go. Go enjoy your time with Zander.""How did you know I was going to meet Zander?" "Because there's a glow in your
Not Like Me Chapter 26: Content
Aiden's face is all over my Instagram. His relationship status has been changed publicly. Has our friendship status changed as well? The school day is calling my name, and I don't want to listen. I don't want to go and face Aiden. I remember Leslie Thompson's threat. If she knows I hurt Aiden, she will come crawling to me with her vicious venom. I decide to take the bus. I don't want to park the car at school in case someone is thinking of vandalizing my life. Usually, when we take the car, one of the Hogan twins drives since they are legally allowed to. However, on occasion, I have taken the car and have driven around town without a chaperone. I know it's risky, and perhaps I should hand over the keys to my older sixteen-year-old friends. But I need control of something and behind the wheel of a car works for me. Like the other day, I should have let Stephanie drive to the ballet studio. But I needed to prove to myself that I could get there without a GPS. If I'm going to learn ho
Not Like Me Chapter 27: Coming of Age
Today is my birthday! I'm sixteen. I already know how to drive. I have a boyfriend to boot. I'm friends with Zander and Stephanie again. I still don't know where Brittany and I stand. But she's coming tonight, so that's all that matters. I get out of bed. I look at my backpack...fuck, it still has Aiden's belongings in it. I need to return those to him at school Monday. I'm glad my birthday is on the weekend. It means I don't have to be lectured to death by my health teacher. Last week, Mr. Boyer tried to assign me a 'robot baby' for this coming weekend. When I told him it was my birthday weekend, he let it slide. Thank heaven. I'm glad I don't have to deal with a robot baby today. I can't imagine what an inconvenience that would be to eat a birthday cake with a crying android infant around. That project has gone down in Stanford High History. You are either good at being a robot-mom, or you aren't. I get that the program's point is to get us not to have sex. I'll humor them for no
Not Like Me Chapter 28: Birthday Virgin
The evening of my party has arrived. It's a simple party. Kyle sneaks vodka into the house. Stephanie wears her typical black attire. Her nails have ghosts on them and glow in the dark. Our post-Halloween birthday party is a success. Brittany comes into her basement. She finds me. We haven't spoken in weeks. She hands me a present. It's a gift card. We only give gift cards when we don't know what the other person likes. Have I become that much of a stranger? "Thanks for the gift card. I'll buy new shoes with it. I need some boots for winter.""You're welcome. And about the night I...well, Kyle dumped me. I'm sorry about that. I wasn't thinking. And the things you said, as harsh as they were...were right. I am controlling. I know that. I'm sorry to hear about you and Aiden. Are you doing okay?" I'm not sure why Brittany is apologizing to me. Clearly, it should be the other way around. I've been a horrible friend to her, and I know it. So I go in for a hug. "I'm sorry, too. I should
Not Like Me Chapter 29: The Truth Comes Out
Waking up next to the man I love is what it must feel like for my parents. They're lucky to see each other every morning. It's like they've grown so used to each other that the magic of flirting is stripped away. I hope that never happens to me. People take for granted the beautiful people and things that are right in front of them. It's only when they're gone that we realize they were critical in the first place. My friendship with Brittany is restored. Not to its former glory, I'm afraid. Even though we're on speaking terms, we won't see eye to eye when it comes to my love life. Zander rolls over and spoons me. I feel safe under his arm. I feel protected like nothing can harm me. Zander's parents aren't back yet, and this I'm grateful for. The entire neighborhood heard the un-holiness of our nightly shenanigans. Given our last conversation, my parents must suspect something by now, or at least my mother does. I can't help who I'm in love with. I can smell Zander's scent all over
Not Like Me Chapter 30: High End Business
We arrive at the ballet studio. The door gets bigger each time I come here. Each time I pass through the large golden doors, I don't feel worthy. My injury is an extension of myself. "Hello, Ashley. Who are these people with you today?" Madame asks, helping us open the door."This is Brittany and Stephanie, my best friends. This is Kyle, Brit's boyfriend. And this is Zander, my....my....boyfriend."Madame tilts her head to the side. Three weeks ago, I was at the studio with Aiden. She doesn't know about our breakup and what it did to Aiden. It's none of her business, really, considering I'm only a student and don't have to justify my actions. Madame looks at me with her judgmental eyes. I have seen those eyes before criticizing a whole room of students. But for some reason, it gets to me and makes me feel terrible and humiliated inside. I feel completely exposed to the entire ballet room. There are only four students today, and it's the ten-year-old class, but still. Madame judges m
Not Like Me Chapter 31: Soccer Fields
Monday is here. My birthday is a hazy memory. My weekend was dramatic and ended on a sad note. I lost my virginity and my ballet dreams in one single weekend. Zander didn't take the ballet shoes back with him. He wants me to keep them; I'm not sure why. It's not like I have any use for them. I get out of my bed. My eyes are red and puffy from all the crying I did last night. I didn't want to cry. In a parallel universe somewhere else, I would have spoken with Zander on the phone all night. The ballet shoes are under my bed. I put them in my backpack. I'm not sure what good they'll do me at school, but maybe Zander will take them back. The zipper to my backpack gets stuck on Aiden's soccer jersey. Oh yeah, I still need to return his shit to him. We might have broken up, but I still can return his belongings to him. I put on my usual t-shirt and jeans. I don't make a fuss over myself. Sex didn't make me hot. It didn't make me a goddess. I was delusional when I thought sex would solve
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