The doctors said I could go home tomorrow and they required me to come to a psychiatrist every other day, Mrs. Clarke. I tried to rest a little while longer but my mind can't seem to shut up. All I can think of is Arthur; did he ever visit me? Just who was he in my life?
I tried to look at my stuff for any clue about him- my journals, my notes in the computer, my books, my polaroids- anything that might remind me of who he was but it ended up futile.
He... There was no trace of Arthur in my life. It's as if he's been completely erase from my memory. Wiped clean from my life.
But the question remains. Why?
The next day, I went straight to my house and to my surprise; my mother was there along with my half sister, Clarisse.
"What are you doing here?" I asked, trying to hide my enthusiasm of her being here. I didn't want to assume that my mom actually wanted to visit me. For the longest time- she wanted me gone in her life.
I was just that. Her biggest mistake in her life.
It's funny how I remember all the bad stuff even after the accident. Why couldn't the accident just erase all my memory all at once? That would be better than remembering fragments of who you are.
Just fragments you're trying so hard to piece together to convince yourself that you're whole, alive and okay.
"I wanted to see you, of course." Mom smiled cheerfully, " Clarisse also asked to see you."
"What time will you leave?"
"We'll only be staying 'til dinner time." Mom chuckled nervously avoiding my gaze.
Ah, I've expected that answer but I wanted to see if she'll stay a little longer considering I'm not well. I know she's only staying because she doesn't want anyone to think of her as a bad mother but I don't mind as long as she stays.
Mother prepped us our dinner and Clarisse ate messily. Just as mom was cleaning up the table, I told her, "I didn't do it because of you... it's something else, don't blame yourself."
She was surprised and I saw her shivering, "Do you... remember?"
"No... not entirely. Mom, are you okay? You're trembling." I asked worriedly but she moves away terrified... why?
I never saw mother this terrified. Like she's seen a monster or something.
"Thank you for telling me but what was the reason for your... err... suicide."
"I don't know either, I can't remember."
"It's better if you don't."
I know it's better but I wish to know and if I'm right, that girl is somehow connected with it. To uncover a huge puzzle piece in my life, I need to figure her out first. Was it even really a suicide?
I changed the topic and asked, "Who was she? Arthu? Do you know him?"
Once again, I received the same reaction like JD's, her expression changed quickly and changed the topic, "Well, we'll be going now, Clarisse's father is waiting for us."
"Sis Ly... did you see him again?"
"You know him Clarisse?" I asked Clarisse curiously
Clarisse smiled and said, "Oh but he told me not to tell you but I guess just a tiny bit is okay. Arthur goes to amazing adventures with you and you two tell me all about those things."
"We do?"
Mother immediately pulls Clarisse hands and said as she glares at Clarisse, "That's enough."
But just as she was being dragged away, Clarisse lets go of mother's hand and gave me a broken piece of crayinon.
I looked at the crayon she gave me with confusion.
She replied as mother tried to pull her away before they left, "Indigo. It was his favorite color. Go find him. I'm sure he missed you."
And just as they left, I heard some fluttering wings from the windows so I instinctively went outside to see for myself but there was nothing there. It was the same fluttering wings sound I've been hearing back at the hospital. It's always around this time of darkness.
We live in a remote area surrounded by trees and forests and we've been a family of hunters- at least that's what dad told me. My mom didn't really want to associate herself with dad.
Growing up in the wild with my father, I developed a keen hearing from the animals habit. And that sound- it's distinct because none of the common animals in the forest have that big of a wings to create such sound.
I found myself wandering in the forest with the indigo crayon in my hand. It was dark that the forest make it seem like the trees were dancing but I was certain, I saw a familiar silhouette from a far.
It's him, isn't it? It's Arthur. It must be.
I tried to walk towards her but my knees suddenly felt wobbly and I found myself unable to stand. My vision is suddenly getting blurry as Arthur seem to walks toward me. All I can mutter was, "Arthur...?"
I closed my eyes and I felt being carried all the way back home but I felt too weak to even open my eyes and see. And there was it again. That same fluttering sound.
I open my eyes grasping for air. JD suddenly came to my aid and said, "Hey Lyanna, you're here. I'm here. It's okay. What is it?"
"Falling. I felt like falling and dying." I said as I drank a cold glass of water
JD reassures as he smiles at me, "I'm sure it's just a bad dream. Rest plenty."
"JD, how... did I get home last night?"
"What do you mean? You were sleeping in the couch when I came in this morning." JD continued, "You even texted me to drop by this morning."
"I... didn't. I was out in the forest last night-"
JD cuts me off and said, "What were you doing outside last night? Who knows what's out there? You could've been killed, Ly. What were you thinking?"
"Calm down. Why are you so... scared? What's in the forest?"
"Nothing."
I continued, "JD, what are you not telling me? You know something, don't you?"
"I don't." JD says as he went walks toward the door, "There's food at the fridge, call me if you need anything else. Lyanna, don't... go into the forest. Your dad died there, didn't he?"
I... suddenly remembered that. It's a vague memory but my dad indeed died there. There was one incident that my dad became so obssessed with the forest saying that he needs to catch that monster.
And one day, he didn't go home.
I remembered mom crying and I was there standing by his funeral wondering what's out there in the forest. Why... why did my dad burned alive? I remember seeing his whole body burned to crisp.
Just what the hell is out there?
I knew I had no choice but to go back to the forest. I know it wasn't a dream. I remember it vividly. I walked through the forest last night and someone- something carried me all the way here.
I closed my eyes as I anticipated Isabelle's attack and just then, I heard that fluttering sound once again as the wind brushes through my hair tossing my cap a far. As if something flew right above me and was gone in an instant.
I was so tired of it all. JD kept saying that I shouldn't remember and all these things that doesn't make any sense. I felt so frustrated that I couldn't understand anything that I ended up snapping at JD, "You keep saying that this is all for my own good and to trust you but I feel so damn frustrated relying on whatever you say! My memories- I rely on whatever you and the other people say. I don't... who the hell even am I?"
I eventually toss the books aside my desk and forced myself to sleep. Now, I just feel so lost and I have no idea what do I do? Where should I proceed? What is real and what is not?I feel my confusion swallowing me whole and I'm barely hanging to my sanity.
He looks back at me and pushes me aside, he said coldly, "So what if I am?""I... I don't understand. I remember our memories together-"
Lyanna StuartI woke up the next morning to the smell of coffee and pancakes so I slowly opened my eyes and saw Clarisse playing by my bedroom. I greeted her, "Good morning, kiddo. Why are you here? Is mom here?"
Lyanna StuartI opened my eyes and sees myself sitting by the park bench. I know I was at the park because I used to play here all the time. The red swing set and yellow slides. I feel so confused when I saw JD and Clarisse playing together.
Lyanna StuartI waited until the debris settles and the commotion finishes, the rest of the wolves fled leaving the dragon standing all mighty there. I found myself walking towards the dragon seeing its scales closer.