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I will always find you

I wasn't ready to look at the test yet. I just wasn't. I guess it made me weak, but I don't claim to be all together in the head. That's Dr. Roswell's job, and I've given the poor woman plenty to work with over the last years. She would have a field day with this news. I'd need a third job just to pay for the extra therapy.

So back to what could be. Pregnant. A baby. A child. Ethan's baby. The two of us parents... I'm quite sure that when Ethan suggested we should get mar- ried, he didn't have becoming a father in mind. He'd make a wonderful father, though. I'd seen him with Zara and the boys. He was so good with them. Playful but with some common sense. He would be the kind of father I had. The best. If that was something he even wanted. And I was terrified, because I just did not know the answer to that question.

Picturing Ethan in the role of daddy is what broke me. The tears came then. and I couldn't hold them back for even one more second.

I cried there on the grass lawn of a bea
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