Basil swiped at his eyes with the heel of his hand and sniffled. “Why wasn’t I important, Jax? Why…” He sniffled and laughed a dry, humorless laugh as his pain marked its way down his face. “Why wasn’t I good enough for him? H-how could I mean so little to him that-that-that h-he would just leave me?”
Jaxsen shrugged, wishing there was something he could do. “I don’t know, Basil. I can’t justify the motives of an act such as that. I can’t pretend to know what he was thinking to cause him to leave you. I’m sorry he did ‘cause he’s missing out on a wonderful son.” Jaxsen faintly blushed at making the comment and looked down.
Basil smiled, his cheeks instantly flushing at the compliment. “Hey, Basil?” Jaxsen broke the silence that momentarily lapsed.
<He didn’t know how long he’d been sitting in his hiding place, but he was snapped from the thoughts that brought him despair he never thought he’d feel again by a soft hail of his name.“Jack, please, sweet boy…where are you?” Jaxsen frowned. Sebastian was here? A panging shot through him at that…was he still ‘Daddy’? Or did he have to revert back to calling him ‘Bastian’? Tears sprung once more to his eyes. He looked to his left and saw Sebastian’s legs stop short in front of the tunnel’s end in which he hid.“Jaxsen!” He roared, his voice echoing. Then he heard something that had Jaxsen crawling towards those legs. “Please, sweet boy, answer me. Please, Jack.” Sebastian let out a heavy sigh as his hopes began to dash. He couldn’t survive losing him, t
Sebastian gently wrapped his arms around the frail child, holding him close, rocking him gently. After several, extremely long moments, Jaxsen began to calm. Nizhoni stood once he was calmer, kissed Sebastian and Jaxsen and with a word about starting dinner, walked toward the kitchen. Sebastian sat there holding his son, keeping hold closely to his emotions.“Jack, baby boy.” Jaxsen rested his head in the hollow of Sebastian’s shoulder and chest, thumb securely in his mouth. He didn’t reply. “Jack, my love, please look at me.” Jaxsen slowly sat up, his eyes still cast downward before slowly coming up to meet his. “What happened today, Jack?”He was quiet for a moment before he answered, his words barely audible. “I…th-thought that you didn’t…wouldn’t…want me anymore. And it m
Jaxsen nodded and wiped his eyes. “Yes, Daddy.”“Do you understand the magnitude of what you did today?”“Y-yes, Daddy. I understand. I’m sorry.”“I know,” he sighed before asking his final question. “Considering what you did, do you feel this is punishment enough to make you never do something like this again?”Jaxsen nodded, gnawing on his bottom lip. “Daddy?” His voice was strained and choked.“What, sweet boy?”Jaxsen took a couple deep breaths before asking, “Are you still mad at me?”“No, baby. I’m relieve
“Why is that?” He shrugged, breaking eye contact with him. “What, Jack?”“Well…one night when they thought I was asleep, I overheard the Masterson’s talking about me. Mrs. Masterson said that it would be hard to give me up, but that if she had to choose, she’d choose her own blood first. Then he said if I didn’t cry all the time and wasn’t always so emotional and with ‘less problems’ they could keep me…but that I was too much to deal with like this.” A tear fell from his eyes and he roughly wiped it away.“Ever since they died people have made fun of me or rejected me, or did really bad things to me for crying too much. And I hate it!” He slammed his balled fists against his knee. “And I was scared that you would feel the same way. Th-that I would be too much
“Because you’re still grounded, Jaxsen,” Sebastian said, keeping his tone as even as he could.Jaxsen balled up his fists in anger, his nostrils flaring. “Well, I already said he could.” Fierce blue eyes locked onto Sebastian’s, following his gaze as he stood full height.“Well, you, young man, do not run this house. I don’t care how smart you are, you are the child, I am the adult, and I say what goes, is that understood, Jaxsen?” Sebastian told him looking at the wayward child.“Fine!” H
Sebastian sat on the home plate mound, in the very spot he last held his son as he slipped away. The chain-link fence had long since been replaced, the grass regrew and the earth evened, erasing the ruts from the car that struck his son. He’d never again come back here after that day; this was a twisted kind of self-torture. The park was nearing empty, the sun beginning to set below the horizon.“I love you, Danny. I’m sorry I failed you. I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore. I feel like I’m losing my mind.”Sebastian did not remember the drive home, just blinked at the sudden realization he was now parked in his driveway. He looked up at Jaxsen’s window. The lamp was still on. He sighed and looked away. He knew he needed to talk to the boy but he had no idea if he should attempt that yet; he didn&
“Jaxsen, stop,” Sebastian yelled over the boy’s scream. Nizhoni came running up the stairs in time to see Sebastian pull the boy’s arms down from his face. Jaxsen kicked and struggled in his arms, his screaming growing in volume. “Jaxsen, stop,” Sebastian pleaded again, tightening his grip and bringing the boy to his chest. Jaxsen fought until he sagged against Sebastian’s torso. Spent and out of breath from the struggle, Sebastian slid to the floor, the wall being his only support. Jaxsen clutched and clawed at whatever part of Sebastian he could reach. His fists balled in anger; another charge of fury about to explode. The whole time they’d been sitting, Jaxsen hid his face in Sebastian’s chest.“Why won’t you hit me?” He asked, punctuating his question with his fists to Sebastian’s chest. “Why won’t you yell?&rdquo
Sebastian sat in the driveway of his country-style home, his head resting against the steering wheel. He felt drained. Exsanguinated of all emotions, thoughts, and feelings. Acid churned in his belly as the stress of the last few months caught up with him. With a lingering, heartfelt sigh and consternation in his heart, he shut the engine of his truck off, looked one more time at the house before stepping out and preparing himself to face what awaited him. When he entered the house he found Nizhoni in a frenzy. She was in the living room cleaning. The couch pillows were askew and thrown onto the recliner, loveseat, and floor.She paused as he entered the room. “Don’t fucking start, Sebastian, okay? Just don’t...” she told him, her face taunt, her lips pulled tightly against her teeth. Suddenly all the emotion that was drained only moments ago came flooding back like a broken l