Chapter 6 : Reflections

*Aurora*

The mirror was large, well-lit, and edged in a gold frame. I sat on the little embroidered stool and brushed through my hair, getting ready for the evening. Sometimes, I considered cutting it all off. Long blonde waves that I was constantly washing, styling, brushing, or taking care of. It was a chore.

My mother had taught me that long hair was some kind of virtue. I didn't know if I agreed. It seemed like a burden. I was tired. I shouldn't have been tired, I had hardly had to lift a finger since getting here, but I was.

Using my pinky finger, I added a little concealer under my eyes. Rowan was so effortlessly handsome, I didn't want him to think ill of me for getting worn so quickly. Makeup was the war paint of the modern world. A person could hide, exaggerate, or alter whatever they needed to become whoever they needed. War paint or armor, maybe. It was just as much protection as it was a disguise. Not that I needed a disguise, not yet at least.

It wasn't that the two days of being here were wearing me thin. I had other things on my mind. There were so many arrangements to be made, people to meet, things to fall in place. I was lucky I could focus on getting to know my fiancé at all.

There was another dinner, another time to show off and be a spectacle. The constant eye of the public here was exhausting. I had yet to see how the announcement of my engagement to the crown prince had gone over with the press and the people, but I anticipated mixed reactions. That was to be expected in a time and place like this.

I was keeping an eye out for the newspapers. There was limited access to any sort of media here in the palace. I assumed it was because the royal family didn't want me to know exactly what their subjects truly thought of them. Or maybe they just didn't want to know. Either way, I knew exactly how their subjects felt.

They were frustrated with the lack of accountability, desperate for their government to care about them. The royals were too busy throwing lavish dinners and wasting money on strange new technology to really consider the plight of their people.

I could change that. In the future, I would make sure that there was plenty for the people. That was what the current royal family didn't understand. They didn't realize that the more money the people made, the more money the government could make. When they had more money, they paid more taxes. The taxes funded all different aspects of the government, including the lives of the royal family. Royals on our little islands weren't exactly independently wealthy. So, they would have more to be able to do more with if they would just invest a little more in their own people.

Not everyone understood simple economics though. I had worked hard to study those sorts of things, finance, foreign policy, and political sciences. A blonde with a brain wasn't what people wanted to hear though. They wanted me to be pretty to look at, but not heard. I understood. The government was run by a bunch of old men in suits. They didn't want to hear about new ideas from a pretty young girl.

I had decided to change my tactics a little then. I could be what they expected of me, someone to be seen and not heard. And then, the opportunity to be a part of this deal came up. I jumped on it. I wanted this more than anything I'd ever wanted in my life.

My phone went off, and I grabbed it from the vanity. It was a text, a long one. I read through it and smiled.

A friend was coming to visit.

That helped me feel revived a little. I had something new to look forward to. As much as I enjoyed getting to know Rowan, as much as I enjoyed learning all of the things there were to learn about my new nation, I was looking forward to my visitor much more.

I knew I should be treading lightly though. If I slipped up, there was a lot at stake. I needed to think about the fact that my marriage here was bringing together two countries. In one country, I was nothing but a duchess. I would never amount to much, just another member of the court destined to sing the praises of the king and queen of the nation I was born into.

Here, though, here I was someone more important. Soon, I would be a princess, and shortly after that, a queen. That was what I deserved out of life. I should be a queen. I could cater to the people. I could serve a nation and lead it all at once. I was destined for that kind of life, there were just too many people in the way back in Reyna. Not here though.

I continued with my makeup, lining my eyes and lips, and brushing mascara through my lashes. I wouldn't be seen without being at my best. Maybe someday, I could have people do all of this for me. I could have women do my hair and my makeup, I could have a stylist and a designer for all of my clothes. It was a dream worth dreaming, even if it never fully came true.

There was a lot of frivolous spending here, and I knew it would be unwise to contribute to that. I couldn't exactly justify such lavish expenses as stylists, designers, and personal attendants while the current king and queen were constantly being criticized for their own extravagant spending.

I couldn't say I didn't appreciate the way they spared no expense, especially since so much of it was because of my engagement and wedding. But, I could see how to the common people, it might look excessive.

Once I was satisfied with my makeup, I went to the closet to comb through my clothes. I was thankful that I had gone shopping before we got here. I needed all of my new gowns for the steady schedule of dinners, dates, and events that seemed to take up all of the royal family's time here. I was attending them all at Rowan's side, and I would be embarrassed to show up to one of them in a dress I'd already worn.

That was a silly, wasteful thought, but it was the truth. If I started wearing dresses more than once, it might look like my family or the royal family here couldn't afford to buy me new dresses for each occasion. What sort of message would that send? There were enough worries about the economy in each of our countries, there was no need to concern everyone by making us appear to be lacking when it came to the royal coffers.

I wondered if that made me vain, if it made me the same as the king and queen. Had they once thought they could change the fate of their country for the greater good, only to fall prey to negligence and apathy? I really didn't know. It was impossible to know the heart of someone, to truly know their intentions.

I had learned that lesson well.

Maybe I could teach someone that lesson myself. I was tired of everyone believing I was nothing more than a pretty face. I was a bargaining chip in someone else's game for now, but I wouldn't always be. I was more than just the sweet-hearted dumb blonde. I had a mind of my own, hopes, dreams, and desires that perhaps no one would ever know.

It didn't hurt to be beautiful. I was thankful for it. Like anyone, I had things about myself that I would change. I didn't care for the little pouch of fat under my belly button that never seemed to go away. I wished my ears were smaller, and a better shape. I wished that I had a more appealing voice, and I hated the sound of my laugh. But that wasn't the point. I knew the effect I had on others. I knew the way they looked at me. I recognized the desire in men's eyes and the jealousy in the women I met.

Beauty wouldn't save me, but it helped. It had gotten me this far in life. It was another tool in my arsenal though. It got me further than anything else I had tried to use to my advantage. It wasn't my fault that this was more effective than diplomacy. Beauty was its own form of diplomacy. If it secured me the future I was looking for, it was worth whatever I had to sacrifice to get it.

An arranged marriage was no way to fall in love. I had known that from the second I agreed to this entire situation. I wasn't here because I was in love. I wasn't really even interested in growing fond of the prince. He had his positive qualities. He was kinder than I expected and drop-dead gorgeous. That was certainly something to be thankful for. But good looks didn't last forever. I knew that as well as anyone. It was why I had to do what I had to do. I wouldn't be young and beautiful forever, but I could be queen for long enough to make a difference if I stuck to my plans.

I wondered if I might one day be able to rule my own country as well. It seemed far-fetched, maybe, but there was always a possibility.

I selected a soft pink dress, something that suggested innocence. It was funny how people could be led to believe one thing or another just by the color of a silk gown. People were so fickle. I hoped that they would always be so easily persuaded, that I could always have people believing what I wanted them to believe with something as simple as the color of a gown.

I zipped up the dress, then went to my jewelry box. I found a necklace with a string of diamonds, elegant yet not too extravagant. Modesty would be the way to win the people over to my cause. They would appreciate seeing that I didn't waste money carelessly. They would see that I was on their side.

When I was queen, there would be a lot fewer state dinners. I was tired just looking at the schedule of dinners arranged for the upcoming weeks. It seemed unnecessary and boring to me. The food was delicious, but that was about the only thing to look forward to at these things. The court all seemed to dread them as well, and the conversation was stilted and quiet.

If no one was enjoying them, they were more than a waste of time and money. There was something to be said for keeping your court content as well. I knew that well, as a lowly member of the court at home. Whenever people started to get restless, they started discussing how they could do a better job than the current people in power, and that was when things got dangerous.

The court here was like a powder keg. I didn't know if I was the fuse, or if I was a fire extinguisher just yet.